I’m cracking up over here that so many of you are listing being fat as a reason people don’t want to date you. I’m fat and I get hit on regularly- it’s more about how you carry yourself and put yourself together than your gut, I promise. Sure, there are some guys who still wouldn’t want me, despite how well put together I am. . . but there are also plenty of guys I wouldn’t be interested in for the same reason.
Anywho, lately I’ve been getting “you’re too smart” a lot. Which is funny, because you guys all know me— I’m, ya know, not. At all. Usually when I probe after this statement is made, what they mean is I’m too quick, ie: too quick to catch on to what they are saying or doing. In other words, they think they couldn’t pull one over on me if they wanted to. All in all, I suppose it’s good these relationships don’t work out :D.
Boyfriends tell me I’m too much like a dude emotionally. I never cry, I never do kissy wissy cuddly wuddly stuff. I burst into hysterical laughter if someone refers to sex as “making love” (honey, it isn’t making love if you’re pulling my hair, I promise). On and on. I’m a wee bit of a narcissist though, so that’s where that whole thing comes from.
[ul]
[li]Moody, sometimes misanthropic introvert with low/neutral affect (been workin’ on it, though!). [/li][li]Anxiety issues – keep people at arm’s length longer than needed, or else fail to follow up and “close the sale” in a timely fashion.[/li][li]World-champion Poster Boy for *“oblivious to signals” *(NOT getting any better at THAT…).[/li][li]As in GargoyleWB’s case, over a certain age and never married, tripping the “obviously there’s something really wrong with you” trigger.[/li][/ul]
The most common response is that I’m “too intense.” I have no fucking idea what that means. No, I’m not confessing undying devotion on the second date. In fact, the L word never gets to make an appearance at all, because they leave during the “waaaayyy too soon” phase.
Apparently guys prefer girlfriends who aren’t all that into them?
Beyond that, I’m clueless about women and I also come across as different. Not in the very vaguely creepy way, but enough to put a woman outside her comfort zone.
I am fat, don’t do much for my appearance otherwise. . . and I’ve never had trouble finding a date. I’m happy with my SO now, but before him I dated plenty. I think saying you’re fat is an excuse.
The thing is, I didn’t go after guys. I waited for them to come to me. I guess I never gave off that sense of desperation despite having a fairly poor view of myself physically. I never minded being alone, and I was, but that didn’t mean guys weren’t asking me out. So I guess the answer to the OP’s question would be some guys didn’t want to date me because I didn’t act interested enough? I was perfectly happy avoiding the conflicts of dating by remaining friends with most guys I met.
I’m friendly, kind, and sensitive, which means that I’m usually into the friend zone about thirty minutes after meeting a girl. I’ve done OK for myself in spite of that, but that’s the single largest obstacle I have to dating.
A lot of people seem interested in me, but I’ve been partnered for 6 years now so obviously that’s why I’m not dating.
While I have my good points when it comes to personality, I can be downright obnoxious. I’m very cynical, always negative, and ‘brutally honest’, which is to say ‘bluntly and humorously rude’. Add to that the fact that I like myself better than anyone else (although confidence often attracts people to you), and my near-total lack of emotion, it’s a wonder most men would be interested at all. I can’t flirt and I hate being touched by most people. I certainly would never have sex with anything I didn’t know well.
But I’m quite conventionally attractive and it seems that’s what’s most important to many men. The fact that I often act like a socially disabled teenage boy doesn’t even seem to stick out.
I have no clue. No one approaches me ever. I look okay, am not fat, older than 40, but…once in a while someone will talk to me, but they are not interested.
I’m quiet, shy, reclusive, and awkward. I’ve only been in in one relationship, and it lasted two months, which was about six weeks longer than it really should have.
I’ve been wondering about this for a while. On top of my slight social awkwardness and tendency to be overenthusiastic, it looks like the top reason is because I don’t know what to do in the situations where I meet people who might date me. I had a very nice conversation over lunch today with a guy in one of my classes and it was only after we parted ways with a mutual ‘it was nice talking to you’ that it occurred to me that I could have asked him if he was available some time to have lunch/dinner/what-have-you again.
So, I guess the tl;dr version is that people don’t want to date me because they can’t tell I want to date them?
Usually when I probe after this statement is made, what they mean is I’m too quick, ie: too quick to catch on to what they are saying or doing. In other words, they think they couldn’t pull one over on me if they wanted to. All in all, I suppose it’s good these relationships don’t work out :D.
