The problem:
The response:
In addition, I’ve found that keeping a computer on the side (in an undisclosed location) is very handy in the event of unexpected crashes.
DaLovin’ Dj
Wow. Nearly 60 views and no response yet. I guess it’s not in your best interest to associate yourself with this joke if you are (or getting) married. I can see it now . . .
“What? You think that’s funny?”
“Well, yeah, I mean . . . No?”
“How could you think that’s funny? Is that what you think I’m like?”
“No honey, you’re the most perfect wife (fiance) a man could ever have.”
“Then what’s so damn funny about that. Maybe you’d rather play with you rcomputer than be married to me. Would that make you happy?”
"NO! NO! . . . I apologize honey! "
“You should. That’s not funny. Marriage is a beautiful way people express there love for each other. I would never try to limit your freedoms.”
“Yes Dear.”
“Now come on. Let’s go see ‘In the Bedroom’.”
DaLovin’ Dj
I am one of the lurkers in this thread.
There’s really not much to say to it - this is basically an e-mail that has been going around for years.
(shrug)
I dunno, maybe others were as equally ‘amused’ by your comment about keeping another a computer on the side.
seemed kinda piggish and ruined the fun for me.
For what it’s worth, I thought it was funny. Of course, it is an old joke that I’ve read about three times before.
Damn. It was a new one on me. Years? Jesus. I like to be a little fresher than that. (Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling.) Hmmmm . . . have you heard the one about the insurance salesman whose car breaks down in the middle of this farm town?
This thing was an e-mail (therefore the quotes). A girl I’m kind of seeing sent it to me. She thinks I have a fear of commitment. . .
Oink Oink.
DaLovin’ Dj
First of all, I’ve seen it a zillion times.
Second, and more importantly, it plays on and reinforces some of the most annoying stereotypes about marriage and wives.
Therefore, I’m not surprised that people did not respond with gales of laughter and hearty "me too!"s.
You think? I think it’s a light-hearted stab at a very real phenomenon. I’m not saying that every relationship plays out in a similar fashion, only that it is a really easy (and common) trap to fall into.
In most of the long term relationships I’ve experienced (mine and friends I’ve seen), it seems like the female has typically become a steady voice of guidance. That is to say they attempt to guide the relationship down a path that does not have a plateau, but consistently tries to move to the “next” level. The hope is usually that the guy “settles down” and becomes a family man and forgoes all of the vices he had when she met him. It seems women often take men on as a kind of a project. Hoping to change them.
It’s this attitude that this e-mail pokes fun at. That I poke fun at. I’m not trying to imply that every woman is like this. Only that it is a common occurance, and one that I think is silly. Marry someone for who they are, not what you want them to become.
If I play PS2 and stay out all night drinking now, please don’t ask me to give these things up 2 years into a relationship. I can understand that what people want can change as they age, that’s fine. However, alot of people (men can be guilty of the same thing, though this seems less likely to be the case) go into a relationship with the plans of making long term changes to people. I think this behaviour is foolish. This was a light-hearted joke to illustrate that point.
I certainly wasn’t trying to say that all women behave this way. Or really even that such behaiviour is always negative in it’s results. I’m sure many great families have started this way. I just find a relationship where the partners accept each other as they are can be much more fruitful and enjoyable for both parties. Happiness is what is most important. What good is a picket fence if you have to argue about it for months. I’ll take credit for playing a tired joke, but I won’t accept the enforcing stereotypes rap. I’m talking about stuff that is very common in many realtionships.
DaLovin’ Dj
DDJ, I’d say you’ve got a pretty stereotypical view towards partying, video games, women and relationships for a guy in his mid 20’s in New York with some disposable income. Just MHO
Picture this China Guy. I live in New York, I do pretty good financially, but I have to work alot for it. I am very busy. When I have free time I like to play video games, go to hockey games, drink, gamble, and play my music really loud. I work hard and play hard, and so do most of my guy friends. People I’ve known for 10 years now.
Whenever I get into a relationship, it starts off with the girl being attracted to me because I’m having so much fun. We initially have fun together, and I refuse to be anything but myself, so she must like me. Once we’ve been dating for a while, (2 years seems to be a common breaking point) that fun loving attitude starts to be a problem. I shouldn’t stay out so late. I shouldn’t drink so much. I shouldn’t play so many videogames. I shouldn’t rather go to a hockey game then see the latest Bette Midler movie. It has happened to me many times.
My friends all exprience the same phenomenon. I’m not making this up here. It is VERY common. The question becomes “Is it worth it?” Is it worth giving up what you like to keep this person around? For some the answer is yes. They get married and we don’t see them so much. If their happy I’m happy. For some of us the answer is a firm “Hell no.” I am myself and I will not change that. I’ll just try to find a way that life can work without sacrificing what I enjoy.
I want, just once, a long-term relationship where the only requirement is that we enjoy each others company. Don’t picture me in suburbia with two kids, a pool, and a fence, cause I aint that. I’m a dj who parties in NYC. What exactly I am like isn’t really the point. The point is that trying to change people as a standard way of operating in a relationship is not a positive way to interact with people in my book. A relationship that can get out of this kind of manpulation is better off I say - and I think such relationships are out there - just far and few between.
Shit. I just re-read your post. I misread it the first time. You are saying that my views are sterotypical for someone in my position. I answered a statement you didn’t even make. . .
I guess that could be considered to be true. Jeesh. Now we have to discuss whether stereotypes are really a bad thing, or just a way of describing very common behaivoiur. Is it a bad thing to fit into a stereotype? Are all stereotypes bad? The definitions part of our thread.
You know what? Never mind . . .
DaLovin’ Dj
Aw, I wasn’t accusing you of reinforcing the stereotypes. I was accusing the email of doing that. Yeah, you posted it, but I can see why you found it amusing. I find the concept amusing myself, but in the end, the thing leaves a real sour taste in my mouth.
There’s no doubt that many relationships are like that. And I don’t doubt that many of your friends’ girlfriends are like that. We are in agreement that not all women act that way, and I hate to see stuff that implies that these behaviors are universal.
I have very few IRL friends who have these types of relationship issues. I find women who try and re-program their men annoying, so I avoid them. I find men who continue to date (and then complain about) manipulative women annoying, so I avoid them, too.
Anyhoo, I wish you luck in finding a lovin’ dj-ette who doesn’t cramp your style.
Cool. I think it’s kind of funny because of it’s exagerations. So many people act this way that sometimes it FEELS universal. But, as always, blanket statements about people are never true. Surely, metaphorically speaking, there are women out there who only enhance system performance without re-writing operating code.
Couldn’t agree more. That’s exactly how I feel. Glad to see this concept doesn’t make me a bad guy.
Thanks! I’ve met alot of girls I really care for and who are intelligent, enlightened, women. You can’t force anything though, and I feel that staying true to yourself is the only way to make a relationship work. If you have to start giving things up then I think one party growing to resent the other is inevitable.
For the record, Girl Dj’s are HOT! There aren’t very many, but there is something about the way women spin that really does it for me. . .
DaLovin’ Dj
No harm no foul.
DLD, ya just have to keep filtering through the gene pool 'till you find someone that clicks. She’ll either accept your priorities, or you’ll decide you want to change your priorities or a combination of the two. Even without the supersqueeze of your dreams, your priorities are going to change over time as well. Anyhoo, you don’t want to hear to reruns of an ex-investment banker in Tokyo that didn’t sleep for a few years. 
Well, I had never seen this apparently much circulated e-mail joke before, so thanks for the laugh. And it didn’t raise my fur a bit. I mean, it is just a joke after all.
As far as the real world goes:
Yes, yes, yes.
It’s not black and white. No party can say “it’s my way or the highway.” Compromise is the name of the game.
Just thought I’d throw my worldly experience your way.
I’m the thirteenth post.
Of the twelve previous, dalovindj posted half.
This thread is dead, and is only being kept alive by him responding to it. Fifty percent is too much.
On another note-
Bitchslap! :wally
I deem this thread closed, and I’ll bitchslap anyone who posts that “really clever story I got in an email” that ends with “I can’t see the outlet, it’s dark because the power is out”
Perhaps you should take that attitude over to the pit there junior. I’ll post as much or as little as I please in this or any other thread. Don’t make me pull out my paper-clip pimp-stick. This is a discussion board. In case you forgot the definition that’s a place where people (4 or 50 or more or less) discuss things. Who the hell cares who has the largest percentage of posts in a given thread. Please.
Compromise can be important, definately. Sometimes, however, you do have to draw the line. The point you folks make about what you want changing is certainly true. It happens to everybody. Open lines of communications about what it is each person wants and expects (as well as how those things are changing) are important.
What people want out of life change and no one should feel bad about expressing that there views and goals have changed. But planning from the start to engage in a slow (or quick depending on your skill I guess) process of turning your SO into something they are not is a silly way to operate.
I’m glad you did, greenlady. Thanks.
DaLovin’ Dj
Just posting so your percentage doesn’t get too high.
Good lookin’ out Green Bean.
Well damn. Now I’ve gone and messed up my percentaqe again.
DaLovin’ Dj
I think you like having the last word.
BTW- Don’t take me seriously. Except for this line here. Really.