ITT: a sexually frustrated 13 year old pretending to be a “tuff” adult.
And I can dig this sentiment as a mental work out, really I can, but rare is the perosn who can pull off the FWB without any emotional involvement, especially one who’s already made the commitment to marriage and tends to relationships. I’m not trying to come down on the side of “fuck the coma wife” here or anything, but I can understand the idea of never wanting to fuck anyone else but still wanting to fuck. So I go to a bar and find a willing participant, but after twice it’s more than sex, you know? I’d still feel like I was betraying my coma wife, even if I was just taking care of my own needs.
I’ve heard it said that women achieve intimacy through communication while men achieve intimacy through sex.
Put me in the “it wouldn’t bother me” camp. I doubt my husband would be interested in sex with my comatose body, but if he was I don’t see that it would really hurt anything. I’m, ya know, comatose, so it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do. It’s an icky thought, yes, but frankly I’d prefer it to him taking a lover while I’m out of it.
Without telling her how I felt, I asked my wife about this.
She expressed almost my exact sentiments.
She said it’s weird, but she personally wouldn’t care and doesn’t think it’s rape.
She went on to elaborate that they guy “doesn’t own her vagine or anything” but she was letting him have it before the coma so there’s no reason to believe anything has changed, etc. She agreed that he probably shouldn’t be allowed to continue, but definitely should not be charged with rape.
Because you keep claiming to be getting lots and lots of great sex from everywhere, while at the same time claiming that women who consider someone having sex with a comatose patient as a rapist, are somehow (paraphrased) “pwecious pwincesses who are holding out on “giving up” their pwecious sacred vaginas as a powerplay in order to gain control, power and (oddly) flowers”.
This vehement, almost desperate insistence, on your part, that the “women and their sacred vaginas” do this in order to gain power and control strongly suggests that they do have it, at least in your case, otherwise you wouldn’t keep escalating (in words), your frustration over this perceived power (such as your talk of **DianaG’s **seeing her nonexistent husband’s needs as “filthy”, when in fact it sounds as if she has a quite active sex life).
If you were truly happily getting laid, and getting laid well, on a regular basis, you wouldn’t feel the need to denigrate women in this thread who are merely speaking of the instance of sex with a comatose patient.
You are, based upon your words in this post, identifying with a man so hard up for sex, that he must turn to his comatose wife. Otherwise, the belief of some, that this is rape, would not be such a hot button topic for you personally. And you would not then be accusing same of (paraphrased) “viewing their vaginas as sacred”.
You also contradict yourself in an several posts. You say “your body is yours and mine” in one. But in another you say “most women can say ‘no’ and ‘yes’…” which suggests you are confused as to what this thread is really about, or what even constitutes a person’s right to choose with whom, where and when they share their body.
I noticed you never answered another poster’s excellent question about whether you’d simply happily “drop trou” if a man wanted to visit via your backdoor, after all, you don’t want to be thought of as having a “sacred butthole” do you?
I think people are confusing “have sex” and “initiate sex” (I think someone further up the thread tried to bring this up).
The big difference here is that the person in the OP has no say in the matter, she CAN’T wake up and say “hey, not now” etc. And no one knows what her wishes in the matter might have been. For that matter, maybe she’s not too crazy about the reading of the Bible every day either. That said, I’m not in the camp of “this is rape no matter what”.
But, to answer your question, when I was with my former boyfriend, and he woke me up initiating sex, I didn’t consider it rape, sometimes I engaged, sometimes I was too sleepy and basically said “go for it, if I fall back asleep don’t be insulted” (strangely, that never happened, I usually got GOOOD and awake…funny that :D).
I’m not sure I’d consider it rape if he had sex while I was still asleep (not likely, I’m a seriously light sleeper). But I WOULD consider (as someone else said earlier upthread), that he wasn’t the person I thought he was, and likely in an “okay this is the end of the road for us” way.
It isn’t so much the sex. It’s the attitude behind why a man would think this is an okay, or even acceptable thing to do. It just seems weird, skeevy, and selfish, in a piggy reptilian brain thinking kind of way. I’m trying to find the exact right words to explain why it’s just kinda “off” for me. (not talking for all women, if you want to be a bag of warm pork, more power to ya).
It takes away from a sense of fair play, team work, and just plain courtesy and takes sex between a couple to a place of impersonally scratching an itch.
Actually, its a “ripped from the headlines” story. Some 15-20 years ago I heard a news account of that happening. Sort of. The difference was that in the real case, the wife didn’t need to mount the husband’s body, they used a machine which applied electrical impulse to the necessary organ and caused the ejaculation that way. IIRC, the legal types were up in arms about this, as it created issues of heirs that the deceased had no consent in the matter, and there was also the issue of Social Security death benefit payments.
(Oh, and “T.S.” stood for “Technical Sergeant,” not his name. I know this because that particular chapter of the book was excerpted in Playboy, and it was one of the articles I read for the first time. [I’d been “reading” *Playboy* for years, but that just happened to be the first article I’d **read**, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.])
I’m not able to work up the required vitriol for this situation. Is it wierd? Well, yeah. But heinous, I don’t think so. Look, this guy is probably missing his wife so much he doesn’t know which way is up(no pun).
I worked at a nursing home some years back and two of our more colorful residents were a husband and wife both in their eighties. They both had some form of dementia, I believe the husband may have had Alzheimers, but they did have a healthy sex life. There were times some of us (nurse’s aides) walked in on them with their beds pushed together and the pair going at it. We would quickly close the door and move on.
Now, knowing there was dementia involved, were we wrong to ignore it? Should we have told them to halt all sexual activities? I don’t think so. As a twenty something back then I thought old people sex was gross, but not my business. Certainly neither of these people seemed forced into anything and they obviously loved each other.
I realize this has nothing to do with a comatose spouse, but I can somewhat understand what this man may be feeling.
Bravo. I don’t get why guys who go on about sex and whine about women not ‘giving it up’ or being ‘bitches’ don’t realise it’s like a red flag screaming ‘I’m a sad loser who never gets any’. Oh, wait, it’s because they’re too bitter to look at the issue objectively.
And FTR Levdrakon dear, I’m 33 and have lots of excellent, regular, consensual sex with a variety of partners. None of whom are comatose. I don’t have to have that box ticked before I drop the trousers. Your reference to sex partners you can ‘blow up’ and the ‘family poodle’ shows where your dick spends most of its time, IMO.
Well thank you for your kind wishes. It was a lovely date.
Oh, and bet your ass it’s a prize. It’s a prize, not because it’s coochie, but because it’s part of the fabulous package that is me. See, there are actually men in this world who see women as something other than a collection of orifices.
You know, if you’re the one who insists that the *only *power any woman has in this world is bestowing or denying the pussy, who’s *really *sanctifying and mytholigizing the pussy, here?
Which brings me to the question; why all the women friends? Why would you surround yourself with such useless creatures?
I’m with Renee and the others who think it’s icky, but wouldn’t really mind. What would bother me would be waking up to find my much loved and probably grieving husband in prison because others had decided to cry rape on my behalf.
Nah. Silly post. I don’t think there are any men here saying “don’t touch my body!” Most of them are saying, “hey, you had access to it before, why not now?”
That’s the thing. Insult me all you want, make all your little insinuations and innuendo about me and my sexuality and sex life. There are women here who feel they have more say over another woman’s body than that woman’s own husband does. What a bunch of busy bodies.
Fortunately, not all women feel that way.
I don’t know how old you are, or what sort of adult sexual experience you have but you really need to understand that in a loving, sexual, adult relationship there is a difference between, “sorry, not tonight honey” and “we’re lovers, my body is yours for the taking.” You really don’t get the difference? You are intimate with your lover. They have exclusive access. That doesn’t mean, “rape me at your leisure.” Sheesh.
The people who said, “We don’t know how she’d feel about it if she woke up” are dead on target. We don’t, but I bet he does. They’ve been married for 17 years! Presumably Dianne’s or pbbth’s hypothetical long-term SO would know how she’d feel and keep his hands to himself. Sure, it’s possible that Mr. Johnson knew very well that she’d object if she knew about it, but he just didn’t care. It’s also possible that he knew very well that she’s a life-long atheist and read her the Bible just to be obnoxious. Should staff have put a stop to that too?
Absent clear and convincing evidence that the husband raped her, (to say nothing of evidence beyond a reasonable doubt) the state should assume they’re a loving couple and stay out of their private business and personal tragedy.
You know, personally I believe on the evidence of this thread that levdrakon is in fact getting exactly as much pussy as he wants. 
Which means, of course, that the guy can have all the women friends he wants, because it’s friendship pure and simple and beyond the power of granting or withholding the coochie to spoil.
This whole thread makes just me sad.
We’ve got some lady in comatose, some lonely dude slipping it in, and people think sex= love and intomacy.
It’s intimate I’ll agree, but love and closeness are sooo much more. If you think sex is the best part of love you’re missing out on something so much grander. Love is so much more.
Just to avoid making the pit sappy…
fuck you assholes and the horse you rode in on with a rusty chainsaw.
Well NOW I do.
:: off to go find my Smiths self-compiled CD to stuff int he car ::
I don’t think anyone is saying sex is the only way to love and intimacy. Read post #114, specifically the last sentence.
Except, of course, that if all we are is coochie, what the fuck need does he have of us, anyway?
And just for the record, from my very first post in this thread:
I never said that the guy should be charged with rape, or that SO’s aren’t generally entitled to certain privileges that strangers don’t have. I’ve simply asserted that no relationship confers ownership of the other’s body, and responded to **levdrakon’s **(and your, incidentally) tiresome assertions that women view their own vaginas mostly as instruments of control over you poor, mistreated, blueballed boys. :rolleyes:
I’ve been thinking about this, taking in all the comments (except levdouchbag’s) and now I’m ready to try to explain my opinion.
I love mr.stretch. If mr.stretch has sex with my comatose body, I surely hope someone will step in and put a stop to it at a minimum. If he has been harming me (vaginal tears, infections, bruising)…I want him in jail.
I married a man I am pretty sure would never do something so disgusting. If I am wrong, get his skeevy ass away from me.
I assure you that the fact that I am willing to have sex with him now does not mean I am willing to have sex with him in any and all situations. If I’m unresponsive (coma, death, passed out, anesthesia) then I cannot consent. If I cannot consent, NO SEX!
For those of you who are comparing this to initiating sex with a sleeping partner…if I don’t wake up fairly early in the process, the attempts at sex should stop. If I wake up and say no, it should stop. If I tried to wake mr.stretch up with sexual activity and he said no, I’d stop.
This couple may have had an agreement that sex was available anytime he wanted. Or this woman may have hated sex and submitted because she thought it was the way marriage works. Or maybe she knew he liked sex with the dead and thinks its great that she can finally accomodate him.
And to answer the inevitable questions: If a woman does this to a man, it is still wrong. If a woman does it to another woman–wrong. If a guy does it to another guy–wrong. If people line up to defile levdrakon’s unconscious body–wrong. If someone has a living will stating access is available–weird as shit but okay.
Simply put, no sex with the unable to consent. Since we don’t know what this woman prefers, the state should intervene to stop the sex and perhaps encourage the guy to get some treatment. If it is a crime in his juridiction to have sex with the unable to consent, then he gets to pay that penalty because that’s just the way it is. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
If his wife wakes up and finds he is in jail and is devastated, she will have the opportunity to start a new life as an activist for the comatose who want sex and their partners. She can also tell us how she felt about the daily Bible reading and whether that should be the real crime.
The above are my opinions only…I am not going to start legislating for anything because I fervently hope that the cases of skeevy men fucking their comatose wives are few and far between.