Right now I am feeling so stressed out. Our daughter OD’ed again a couple of weeks ago… my husband found her on the bathroom floor. He called 911 and EMS took her to the hospital. She is OK now, but it was so stressful and I worry that she will eventually die from this addiction.
I have a new job. I started six weeks ago. I work from 8-5 and then some. The person I replaced trained me for one day and quit. The office manager haphazardly trained me and quit three weeks later. I do have support from the home office & they’ve been wonderful, but pretty soon I think I’ll be expected to run the office.
I go to school full-time and have six classes to go before I graduate. They are getting harder and harder and I feel overwhelmed. I want to keep up with my cohort because I like them. I’ll also have to pay a lot more if I drop out now as the tuition rate will skyrocket.
My thumb started twitching a couple of weeks ago and I’m scared that something is really wrong with me. My hands don’t shake, it’s not that, but my thumb is involintarily twitching throughout the day. My hands feel weak. Is this anxiety or is something seriously wrong?
I’m not usually this person, I’m normally good natured, calm and mellow. 2010 has been hell.
I feel as if I’m only capable of working part time because full time is making me so anxious, stressed, and can’t-sleep-at-night. I don’t know who to talk to or what to do. My husband is so worried about our kids (our son has been clinically depressed, to add to it all) and I don’t want to put any more burden on him. He is working overtime and all. I am proud and happy to have landed this job and they seem to like me and my work just fine.
I’m keeping up a front and I don’t know how much more I can take.
I get a cartoon-like twitch in one eye when I’m tired and my kids are fighting like cats and dogs. With all that’s going on I’d be more concerned if you didn’t show any such signs.
I am sorry this is happening to you. I haven’t been posting long, but from what I can tell people really care about others here, and will do what they can for you. You may want to take down your front for your husband and let him take his down for you so you can support each other. My thoughts are with you, and if you’d like my prayers, they’ll be with you, too.
Are you talking to someone? A therapist or a counselor?
You know we’re all here for you and we’ll listen and commiserate and give you all the support and advice we can, but we’re no replacement for a professional who can help you on a different level.
Do you have the option of taking fewer classes, spreading it out a little more so you have a little less on your plate? Liking your cohort isn’t enough reason to stress yourself half to death, in my opinion. And as for working 8-5 “and then some”, I think it would be entirely reasonable to explain to them that you’re not presently capable of doing overtime. Again, just my opinion.
I wish I could offer you more than good wishes from across the internets, but know that you’ve got at least that.
Everyone who doesn’t crawl under a rock and give up is a hero- John Wayne proportions. Probably doesn’t help much, but I guess it makes you a hero too.
Antigen has some really good thoughts, there. Please see what you can do to reduce your class load without screwing with your tuition.
Do not work more than 8 hours a day, ESPECIALLY if you are salaried. Believe me, I know how hard it is to separate the company’s performance and service level from your own performance. I spent many long stressful hours as a salaried employee trying to help my employer through a rough patch of being understaffed and a little rudderless. It’s a thankless thing to do, and if you do it long enough, you’ve set a pattern that becomes a basic expectation rather than something to pat you on the back for. Set boundaries there right now. Work your full time, and then get out of there for the day.
Do you have family or friends in your area that can pitch in? Can you call someone and say something like, “I’m having a tough time keeping it together right now. Would you mind please running this errand / bringing dinner to the kids / meeting me for coffee so I can unload / helping me study for this test?”
If I was your friend I’d be delighted to help. Hell, if I live near you I’d be delighted to help.
The muscle twitching/fatigue is very likely linked to the stress, anxiety and not sleeping well, although of course we can’t diagnose you over the internet. If you’re worried, a doctor can rule out more serious concerns with some fairly simple neurological and lab tests.
I’m so sorry your daughter is putting all of you through this, especially at the moment you’re trying to settle in and make a good impression at work. I agree with Beadalin, though. While it’s tempting to go above and beyond, especially when you’re new, it will set up the expectation that this will continue. Work what you’re contracted to work, and then try your best to leave work behind when you close the door. Having been in a similar circumstance, I know how tempting it is to get everything done today because it will make tomorrow easier, but the reality is that work can wait until work hours. And if it can’t, that’s your employer’s responsibility, not yours. Boundaries are important, and it’s easier to set them close now and expand them later, if you wish, than to make them expansive now and draw them in later. (Or, as a friend of mine is fond of saying, “If you say yes now and change it to a no later, you’re a jerk. If you say no first and change it to yes, you’re a g-d hero.”)
Prayers and well wishes to you, dear. You’ve been there for me in the past, and I’m here for you now.
That’s true, and it is a salaried job but the rate of pay is low. Why do I stay late? I’ll walk away at 5:00 from now on. After that the phones stop ringing and I can work uninterrupted, but if I want to keep this job I need to step away. I also need therapy. I’ve been taking things one day at a time & am trying to stay strong, but need to admit it when it gets to be too much. I feel better after admitting it to you, even though I may never meet anyone face to face.
I think the thumb twitching happens to a lot of people. Do you do a lot of typing? It could be related to that. Sometimes, I’ll get into a period of time where my thumb twitches any time I’m not using my hands, e.g., just watching TV or reading. Then I’ll go months without any twitches. Right now, I’m in a no-twitch period.
I don’t know what advice to offer except to look at your list above and really trim out anything you can (fewer classes, less work hours) even if it doesn’t seem like much at first. It will make a difference. Be disciplined on your bed/wake times and eat well while you’re stressed like this.
Best to you and your family, it sounds like a bad time.
After stealing from you, your husband and your son to feed her addiction, and after you said that you had made it clear to her she would not be allowed to live with you any longer after her she completed her stint in rehab, how did she end up getting high in your bathroom?
It seems unlikely that your stress is going to subside as long as your daughter is an active addict, especially if she is again living in your home.
That said, I wish the best for your entire family, and hope your daughter can begin to see the damage she is causing herself and those who care about her…
You are understandably stressed! I would very much bet that is the source of the twitching. Please check your PM’s, I’ve been pretty much where you are now, and I will talk to you.
School is more flexible than work. You can take a semester off, you can take incompletes in some classes and catch up once life normalizes. From years of experience with the college thing: find a sympathetic someone (professor, administrator, whoever) and ask for help. There are options between dropping out and continuing with your cohort. Seriously: they hear things like this all the time, and they’ll help if you ask.
Another thought: Does your employer offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) as part of your benefits? Many employers do. They’re third-party, confidentiality is guaranteed, and usually (not always) they give you access to phone counselors for free for a certain number of conversations. It’s worth looking into.
Someone very, very close to me was a drug addict for almost ten years, crack and heroin, and ODed twice (that I know of). She didn’t find religion. She didn’t go to rehab. I wish I could tell you what spurred the change – she claims she just grew out of it – but she hasn’t touched anything in over eight years and I honestly believe she never will again. She’s healthier than I am, gets straight As in university and has started a family. It can change.
Hmm…assuming your daughter’s hooked on opiates here? am I right? Scary stuff, opiates.
I’m thinking if there’s any program she’s eligible for-inpatient-that would be best. You and your husband sound too busy to help her or supervise her. Besides that, she’s hooked on serious bad stuff. If not opiates, cocaine. Both extremely dangerous and hard to quit.
I think you need to cut back, both work and school. I think both you and your son should be in therapy (not together), and you should be learning some relaxation exercises.
By the way-is your diet high in fresh fruits and vegetables? do you get exercise? Are you taking a one-a-day vitamin with a complete range of the B-complex vitamins? I suggest that all the of the former will help you cope with your hectic schedule. Even if you can only take 15 minutes a day to stretch and do a little aerobics, it’s better than nothing. If you can only nuke some frozen mixed vegetables from a bag, again, better than nothing. Focus on good nutrition-because that makes a surprising difference.
Your school might have open gym hours…y’know, pushing weights around with weight machines is a very soothing activity.
If you’re worried, a doctor can rule out more serious concerns with some fairly simple neurological and lab tests.