I’ve been propositioned, and even gotten hit with a kiss that involved stealth tongue for a moment… nothing to get offended over; just politely stepped back and said that I’d have to get bought dinner before a smooch like that. As it was reasonably clear that I was straight to the group there, I wasn’t leading anyone on, and this guy was just a little trashed (New Year’s Eve) no harm, no foul.
I know I’ve told this story here before, but here goes again. I had friends who were gay and it had never seemed like a big deal until:
When I was in college I was up on an all-nighter doing a paper. One of the profs requirments was that we turn it in in a manilla envelope. I didn’t have one a realized I had to stop at a store and grab one on my way to drop it in his mailbox before 7:00.
I went to a 24 grocery store and grabbed the envelopes and headed to the checkout. There was only one checker, and she had to take a break and head to the bathroom while there were two people ahead of me in line. A guy came up behind me and started taking. It wasn’t really a “standing in checkout line” small-talk introduction, but I was distracted hoping I would make the deadline on time. The guy kept talking and I was half into the conversation, noticing that his mannerisms were a bit odd and uncomfortable. Having spent a large portion of that summer working with mildly retarded people, who tended to be very friendly, have slightly odd mannerisms, and often didn’t understand the usual levels for polite conversation, I figured he was mildly retarded. But he was friendly, and we talked about sports and movie theaters and stuff. Finally he looked me in the eye touched my hand and asked if I would like to go to a movie sometime.
Things clicked into place like a 2X4 across the head. I flashed back to what I usually was thinking when I hit on a chick, and interpolated what he might be thinking. Panic is the only word for it. I ran out the doors, started throwing up in the parking lot, got in my car and drove away, never paying for the envelopes. It was an overwhelming sence of panic I just had to get the hell out of there.
Nowadays when I’m in a bar I know has a gay population occasionally a guy starts to head things that way, I just say no thanks. But that first time, completely out of the blue, totally freaked me out on an primitive panic level.
Years ago when I was in the navy and ran a 10-K every day, I got cruised a lot on the San Diego trolley. Since I was a sailor and not a Marine, I didn’t do what the average Marine would do and either beat the shit out of the gay guy if there were other Marines on the car or let him suck my dick if there weren’t. Me, I’d just shy away and instead of staying like a sailor on the trolley to Tijuanna where I’d have to pay for the girl and the shot of tequilla for her to wash her mouth afterwards, I’d go back to the ship and write my girlfriend a six-page letter. I can’t vouch for either the San Diegan men or the Tijuanitas, but I can attest that celibacy sucks pretty damn hard.
So do some sailors.
. . . Or so I’ve been told.
Damn you! Damn you and your posting speed!
I’m really curious - why didn’t it cross your mind to just say; “no”?
What I mean is, usually if someone is hitting on you and you’re not interested, the logic is just - “Ok so I say ‘no’ and he says ‘ok’ and that’s the end of it - we go our seperate ways.” Why do you think it was that your brain’s first instinct was to go into fight-or-flight mode?
This is probably somewhat repetitious at this point. Straight male reporting.
It used to happen from my teens through about age 40. Hasn’t happened in a bit.
A flirtatious gesture doesn’t bother me at all, and, depending on its intensity, I’ll either ignore it (a wink) or politely point the flirt off in another direction. Same as I’d do with the unwanted attentions of a woman.
As I’m inclined to think is the same with heterosexual interactions, uninvited touching does piss me off, and has always drawn a strong rebuke. Out-of-the-blue propositions don’t piss me off unless there’s something about “No!” that they don’t understand.
In the past, I did encounter a few problem cases, two of whom with which I had some acquaintance and another who was an asshole at a party. All three met the standards of uninvited physical contact, blatant propositions and not easily taking “No!” for an answer. Those guys pissed me off, as I’m sure would have been the same reaction of the recipient of such behavior in a heterosexual context.
I have been flirted with by a couple of guys…and I was very flattered.
With respect, that is not the problem I had. I wasn’t called Gay, I was the subject of a serious rumour started by one person that I was caught in a gay act with another pupil in the toilets. The reason why this did have a profound effect on me is that people believed it, and half of those people were girls. Maybe they wouldn’t look twice at me anyway, but at the time I felt like this rumour was the reason none of them looked twice at me. There was nothing physically wrong with me (I was thin back then too), and my friends seemed to think I was worth talking to, so I attributed my lack of female attention to that rumour. And some of the pricks there made damn sure the rumour didn’t die before leaving, which was years after it started.
Plus, at the time I was paiiiiinfully shy anyway, so I couldn’t take steps to disprove the rumour by actively aquiring a girlfriend…
…This is a lovely leather couch you have here by the way.
Me too, which, as mean-spirited as it was, wasn’t as bad as my classmate Kurt Qualley, a dairy farmer’s son who was seen, no shit, fucking a Holstein cow. Not in the barn, but in the middle of an open field standing upon a stool. At our cap & gown graduation ceremony, the kids went “moo” when he went up for his diploma. Fucking bastards - I hope they all died farting from lactose intolerance.
Next thread: ever been “presented to” by the wrong species?
Children, from the age they can talk upto the age one is unable to define them as ‘children’, are cruel cruel bastards.
In their defence: they are probably unaware of the damage they are doing.
I have a confession to make, something I did a long time ago that I’m deeply ashamed of. When I was 18, and I was going through the first major depression episode of my life (what lead me to be diagnosed as OCD!), and I was really into chatrooms. Once, when I was in one, this chick started hitting on me, saying all this vulgar stuff, and I kept saying, “Go away, leave me alone.” Well, in retrospect, she was probably just trying to get my goat. Eventually, I got fed up and started spouting off a bunch of nasty, homophobic and downright violent threats at her, and she left me alone.
Yeah, it’s kind of minor, but I still feel bad about acting like that. Given the violence and hatred directed at homosexuals, I’m ashamed to have contributed to it.
When I was in the Marines, in CA, out on the town, drinking and chasing “wimmin” like only 20-year-old dorks can, I sometimes got propositioned quite directly by gay men, some eloquently, some not so subtle. Being a southern boy, brought up to say “Yes, sir; No, sir,” and all that, I simply responded with “No, thank you, I’m not gay.” I’m sure I sounded like a complete doofus, but most of the propositioners seemed to appreciate my courtesy, and wished me luck, wished me a good night.
Sir Rhosis
Hell, hanging out in Vancouver’s gay-friendly West End is the best thing ever for my self-esteem.
On a day when you do the coffee, paper, & cigar thing at a sidewalk cafe and get serially chatted up by an attractive girl and a studly guy before walking back to the girlfriend’s for a bit of afternoon nookie… …well, that’s a day when nothing anyone says can bring you down, at all, at all.
If a man hit on me, I would feel awkward and uncomfortable, but I would panic or be rude. I would just say something like “Sorry, but I’m straight.”
I use to have a best friend who I hung around with so often lots of people thought we were brothers. But one time I went to a video game store at a mall by myself. The guy working there saw us before, and since I was by myself he inquired about it. However, he made it quiet clear that he thought that my friend and I were gay. I can’t remember exactly how he said it, something like “So, where’s your…you know…” or “Aren’t you two, well…” or something like that. I was shocked that he thought that and was wondering why two guys couldn’t be good friends without people thinking there was more to it than that. And also I was pissed that this sales guy was commenting on something that was none of his damn business.
But anyway, if a guy were to hit on me, I’d be uncomfortable, but I’d be polite about it.
I shamelessly brag about my seeming appeal to gay men.
I’m a lesbian magnet. I get hit on more than most lesbians, I would guess. I find it flattering. A polite no is usually all it takes. Although my friend’s lesbian sister actually got a bit physical with me IN FRONT OF HER GIRLFRIEND. That was a huge drag. Other than that, the situation is never uncomfortable.
The first time I was hit on by a guy (and realized it) was a very aggressive come-on, and freaked me out. There also was one by a gay customer, which was highly inapropriate regardless of the genders and/or orientations involved. Other than that, it doesn’t bother me much. I don’t find it hugely flattering either, it isn’t my target audience, and therefore almost a non-event. It happens to me every few times I go out, unless I’m clearly out with my GF.