I messed up the last line.
Corrected version:
There was a Doper from Nantucket
Who built sandcastles using a bucket.
A great wave washed away
His castles one day.
He shrugged and said, “Oh, fuck it.”
My dinner party was, alas,
without me, as I am an ass.
I awoke at seven-thirty
with a head full of hurty.
Now the fridge is dead
and I must be gone the morrow instead.
All the frozen goodies will be lost;
we will replace them, no matter the cost.
The box will be fixed, thank you Roebucks and Sears;
the food will be nixed, as I would Britney Spears.
I shall wind down this drivel anon;
as I have a friend named Ron.
That was a forced rhyme;
but I am out of time.
Farewell kiddies, and think
before you take the next drink.
And one last little run
(Oh gods! tell me he’s done?)
Here I sit, broken handed;
tried to post but only landed.
We have a new user named Verick
At whose new-to-us features we stare-ick.
(S)He only posts rhyme
With fair meter and time
But (s)he does so with plenty of flair-ick!
This thread is sure catching on fire
The prose becomes faster and drier
It’s clear we compete
for the “best poet” seat
But the content’s - er - deeper and higher. (eh hem)
I’m sure that the OP was trying
To spur on an art which is dying.
While this may be true
I think this thread is due
For an old-fashioned Southern pan-frying.
The poems I’m not criticizing!
They’re helping with smarting and wiseing!
Why, I feel my brain
It’s expanding again!
It’s okay. I’m used to it resizing.
I’ve written this all on the fly
I hope it’s an adequate try.
It’s gone long enough
Now the rhyming is tough
So I’ll cheerfully bid you, “Bye bye!”
The users are radical
the poems are hysterical
the writers somatic
the readers erratic
it’s time for a nap
and all this will rap
ending with notes from a sap
and that’s that…
What joy to see
At least for me
So much rhyme
In a short time
I have to thank Hamadryad.
His hand at poetry he tryad!
He honored me with his verse.
And I have to admit, I’ve read worse.
So once again I humbly bow.
And wonder, What will happen now?
With mimes and authors and clowns
One can make errors with pronouns
And for posters here this is true
(But not the ones you hang up with glue)
Frozen verse on a summer’s day
Trapped in bytes and poised to unfurl
Even though the reader may
Not be a boy but instead a girl
On this thread I’d not be dumb on
to say Hama’s no girl, but a woman
I’m not sure how it would bend her
To make a mistake upon her gender
'Tis much better to be safe than sorry
('Tis better, really, to be hit by a lorry)
Than to unknowingly arouse the ire
Of said veritable weisenheimer
Paradox is not
When you speak of two doctors
This is not haiku
Orson opabinia
Liked to water zinnias
but then he snapped
and then he slapped
to death someone named Rinni-a.
My most humble apology,
If you feel that I’ve offended thee.
Your gender I seem to have twisted.
In the above words which I listed.
Next time I’ll be sure to check things out.
Please refrain, don’t scream, don’t shout.
I have learned the meaning of life,
It doesn’t lie in a job or a wife.
It’s not about the kids you’ve got,
nor the car parked (in your parking lot).
It’s not to worship on bended knee,
It’s not to conquer every enemy.
Meaning can’t be found in a book,
and it can’t be found in how we look.
Meaning must be found only in the now,
no matter the where, when, why, or the how.
Enjoy every moment, whatever it takes,
Find the good in the bad for goodness sakes.
Even pain and sadness have a place,
To know any of it at all is my saving grace.
There is no goal which we MUST move towards,
Sensations aren’t the tools, they are the rewards.
DaLovin’ Dj
What a wonderful thing is a carrot!
How slender! How orange! How sleek!
You’ll not find such grace in a turnip
Nor strength such as this in a leek.
No parsnip could e’er be so shapely
Nor aubergine show such finesse;
Radicchio fades in its presence
And onions appeal even less.
Don’t be fooled by its rugged appearance;
It needs no false trappings to please:
No husks to be shucked as with sweetcorn,
No pod to discard as with peas.
So let us give thanks for the carrot;
Three cheers for this edible root!
I’d gladly eat nothing but carrots
But, on the whole, I prefer fruit.
Your poem, I think, jr8
Is so funny and just great!
Um.
Hum.
I feel the need to injectify
more poetry, to rectify
the lagging momentum of this post
Want some wine? (I’m a good host).
I feel the need to injectify
more poetry, to rectify
the lagging momentum of this post
Want some wine? (I’m a good host).
I’m glad you enjoyed my small parody
Regarding all vegetables carrotty.
Now, if I had said
I liked kumquats instead,
I feel sure you’d have deemed it a rarity.
Indeed, I have forgotten this thread;
I thought that by now it would surely be dead.
Why I did, it’s not clear;
but I went and got a beer
And almost missed what others here have said.
I don’t know what to do with my time
I’ve had to resort to posts that rhyme
i finished school at the end of July
and I’ve got nothing else to do, really.
The end of that verse kinda sucked
I’d fix it but i can’t be fucked
to think of something else that rhymes
Oh. I did it again.
So now you can see why i think I failed english
(the teacher really was a dick)
nothing i can think of rhymes exept fish
but that has nothing to do with anything that ive just been talking about and i think this line is a little bit too long.
I should go outside, the sun is shining
but I’m busy with my whining
and the heat makes my hair go frizzy
but it is already so maybe i will.
Screw it, I’ll just stay here. Erm, i think somebodys breaking into my house…
These rhymes are too paltry;
It’s time to move on.
I’ll throw down the gauntlet:
It’s sonnets at dawn!
So close now I think, to page three
But not that sort, you know, naughty