Of course, you COULD make her drop her dentures into her coffee cup if you say, “We eloped because I thought I was pregnant. False alarm!”
I have never agreed with weddings being an opportunity to rake in the loot. I was appalled when my daughter’s future (and now present) MIL said, “I want a lot of presents, to make up for the ones I’ve given over the years.”
When I got married a hundred years ago, I did not register ANYWHERE. People asked me what I wanted, and I told them, “Nothing. Your gift to me will be yourself at the wedding, to celebrate our happiness.”
I’m not rich, never have been rich, and I started my newlywed home with next to nothing. Big deal. I like the line, “Your present is your PRESENCE.”
~VOW
We also eloped - on a Friday. Our 6th anniversary fell on a Saturday, so we did a reaffirmation of vows ceremony and had a little party afterwards. It was nice, low key, and a good excuse for a party. A few of our friends gave us gifts, but we neither wanted nor expected any.
Quarter of a century later, my sibs were aghast that we didn’t want to do a 25th anniversary party. No thanks - not our style. We went out to dinner as we usually do on our anniversary, and that was just fine. If we live long enough to reach 50, maybe we’ll have a bash then.
Tell a good MIL joke or two at an opportune moment.
My MIL rang my doorbell and I opened the door. She said “Can I stay here for a while?” I answered “sure” and shut the door.
Two Xmases ago I gave my MIL a funeral plot. Last Xmas she complained when I didn’t get her anything. I said “you didn’t use what I got for you last Xmas yet.”
The ultimate in conflicted emotions: seeing your MIL drive off a cliff in your brand new BMW.
The cave man’s ultimate in conflicted emotions: seeing his MIL fall into a tar pit while carrying his best spear.
Your husband has to draw the line with his mother and tell her to drop it. Not you. You will be wrong. You are the interloper. You are not blood. You are fucking invisible. You are not family. You are the reason she was cheated out of a wedding to show off her MAD skills. If he doesn’t do this well, it does not bode well for the future, and I am very serious about this. Maybe she was the reason why you two eloped, because she is insufferable and commanding and he has no balls around Mommy.
If she tries to get others on her side, your husband needs to firmly tell her to STFU in a nice way.
This woman has waited X amount of years dreaming about THE WEDDING for her boy that she would arrange everything for and it would be a bonding moment for the two of you and you would become BFF, like, FOREVER.
You took that away from her, you wench. She will never forget it.
Eh, she should be lucky you didn’t have one. She’d have had to wear beige and stand in the back.
My mother, thinking it the most amusing of jokes, told my fiance’s mom that that’s what her mom told her the duties of the groom’s mother were when she got married. Not sure how amused future-mother-in-law was.
Your husband has to be the one to nip it in the bud. It needs to be done now, or like others have already mentioned, she’ll keep on trying to insert her wants into your lives.
We had to do that with my mother. She still tries to insert an unwanted opinion on what we should do on various things, but I calmly tell her I’m an adult, it’s not her business and that we’re changing the subject.
Just to reiterate, I really don’t expect my MIL to change, and I’m not worrying about it, I just thought it might be fun to inject a little humor! Kind of like how MIL told the guy who officiated that she was going to bitch slap him just last Wednesday. He said he’s been hearing her complain about marrying us for the past six months. I reminded him we’ve only been married for six months, so he’ll probably keep hearing about it from her for a while.
The pregnant joke someone mentioned is kind of along the lines of my idea of a funny joke and what I was looking for, except I wouldn’t use that specifically because she’d probably think I was serious. The “Bless your heart!” thing would be good, except I can’t seem to say it without trying to fake a southern accent, and I’m horrible at accents.
Also, Mr. Duality, LOUNE and I were cracking up reading those jokes!
The rest is going off on tangents, but whatever. As far as letting her pay to throw us something, she doesn’t have the money to pay for anything, no matter how small. She’s also a hoarder, so it would be difficult for her to throw something at her house. And the people who she said would give us money? This isn’t something that she arranged with them. She’s going based on her own assumptions. The friends mentioned know that we eloped because we didn’t want a wedding or reception. Plus, I’m not comfortable with having a friend pay for a party that I wouldn’t pay for myself.
Also, I’m really lucky in that my husband is not afraid to stand up to his mother. She just doesn’t listen. Maybe it’s because he’s her kid, or she just thinks he’s giving her a hard time? Either way, LOUNE is awesome.
I think someone asked what we gave her for our reason. It’s late, and I’m drawing a blank on what we said to her and what we kept between ourselves.
OK, now that we have further clarifications.
" I’m sorry you weren’t invited to our wedding. You can return the favor and not invite us to your funeral."
Well, we were saving for a surprise, but you remember my ex-roommate’s friend High Priestess Ishtma? No? She might have still been going by Caroline when you met her.
Anyway, ever since her past life regressions allowed her to remember being a priestess in Ancient Egypt she’s been very focused on reviving the old ways. Once she’s ritually shaved her head in a re-induction ceremony during the rainy season she’s going to marry us!
Of course, she’s a bit leery of allowing infidels (her word, not ours) to take part in the sacred ceremony. We’ll be converting and worshiping Isis, or maybe it’s Thoth. Whichever.
The important thing is all your friends will be able to come watch us get married in the eyes of our new god. Isn’t that great?
“Well, you KNOW we’re avid trap-shooting enthusiasts & we got married there. We didn’t know that it would be such an issue for you, but if you really want to be included, we can head out & renew our vows right now.”
Pull…
Just wanted to give an update. There was no need for me to give any witty responses or funny jokes. It ended up being funnier that no one seemed to care that we didn’t have a wedding. LOUNE and I got to his relative’s house before his parents. First thing his mom said to the people sitting on the couch with me after she arrived was, “This is Trevor’s wife, he got married” emphasizing the wife part. They said, “We know, we met her,” and I said, “Yes, we’ve been over that.” Variations of this played out as other people arrived, with his mom always emphasizing the “wife” part when introducing me, until finally, his mom just flat out said, “They ran away.” I said, “Yes, we eloped. We got married at the county clerk’s office.” The person I was being introduced to at the moment gave congratulations, and that was that.
)