Are there any recent mothers on the plane? I have always wanted to juggle 5 new-born babies. Does anyone have lighter fluid also ?
Anyone got some fast acting laxitives? There’s a coupla lines in it for ya. sniff
We’re all gonna die!
No, wait! What’s this lever!
Ha ha! Fooled you. We’re all gonna die.
Do you appreciate the gravity of our situation?
Annoying cell phone commercial guy: “Can you hear me now?”
Annoying Geico commercial guy:“The good news is: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!”
And As The Fuselage Goes Dark
You’re Thinking: Ain’t It Funny
You Still Owe Some People Money
It’s Hard To Keep From Laughing
The ‘No Smoking’ Sign Is Flashing
-bits and peices from “Black Box Recording” by Firewater, a cheerful little song about a plane crash. Full lyrics here.
Crap. I left my parachute pants in the 80s.
Ok, who threw my voodoo doll out the window?!?
A man is found dead alone in a cabin in the woods, how did he die?
…here’s a hint, you’re about to go the same way.
Eureka! I have the cure for cancer!
<Marry Poppins>A spoonful of sugar helps the airoplane go down, helps the airoplane go down…</>
Saftey procedures in case of crash:
- Remove all sharp objects.
- Fasten all seatbelts.
- Crouch down.
- Hide your head between your legs.
- Kiss your ass goodbye.
“Let the woman have a go” they said. Now look!
Tell the black box I left my proof of the Rieman hypothesis buried under a big W. AAGHH!
“Is it okay to use my cell phone now?”
“I probably shouldn’t have pushed the big red button with the warning - DO NOT TOUCH”
I think we’re going to make quite an impression.
“Oh this is just great. I always end up at the gate farthest away from my connecting flight.”
Just a plain old crash…
Yelling up to the cockpit: “But I thought you said unleaded”.
Ha! I read this as “I crapped my parachute pants in the 80s!”
(on cell phone) Hello, Prudential. I’d like to up my life insurance to a million. No, I can’t wait. Here is my credit card number to take the payment.
Damn, the 4th engine’s gone - we’re going to be up here forever now!
Anyone want to join the Mile High Club?
Half mile high club?
Quarter mile?
: : :
Hundred meter dash?
Start singing “I`m on the Highway to Hell”, by AC/DC. Really loud.
(putting on extra pilot jacket and cap, and wandering in the aisle)
Damn these newfangled planes! Which way is the cockpit?
And if you look out the window to your right, you can see a grim looking man in a hooded robe waving a sickle.
You’ll notice the captain has now put on the “No Future” sign. We’re beginning our descent and will be on the ground very shortly.
“Sure am glad I brought my parachute…what are you guys planning to do?”
“Say…does anyone have any gum?”
“Who brought pie?”
“My astrologer told me not to fly today.”
“This plane is capable of carying nearly 60,000 gallons of jet fuel. Isn’t that just amazing?”
Start singing the 99 bottles of beer song.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure our pilot has logged hundreds of crashes on the flight simulator.”
“Has anyone got a clean pair of underwear in their carry-on?”
“I bet MacGyver could get us outta this.”