I’m posting this here because I’ve been using my sister’s computer all week, and I don’t know how she can stand it. The punk has turned this beautiful machine and top-of-the-line equipment into an old clunker. I know she’s a big Pit fan, and if I don’t post this publically she probably won’t listen to me.

  1. About this two drives thing…

You have, tops, half a drive worth of usable material on your computer. All those unsuccessful game downloads that didn’t install? GET THEM OUT OF YOUR DRIVE. Don’t leave them lying around to cause trouble later on (this may be why I’ve never had any problems with my computer, which is the same make and model as yours, while you are all too familiar with the Blue Screen of Death.) That one-month Maya demo that expired? Keep the files you made, but get rid of that dead program.

Remember when I got my own computer and copied all my site files, mp3s, and text documents over to my machine? You never deleted your copy of my stuff. That’s a good-sized chunk of disk space right there. GET RID OF MY OLD FILES. I have them backed up on my computer. I don’t need you to wire them to me in case something goes wrong.

I’m willing to bet that you don’t need your D drive. Clean them both out and see.

  1. A few words on your virus problems and frequent freak disk accidents.

Try NOT downloading Mystery Programs from Chinese-language websites. Or at least run LiveUpdate once every two weeks.


  1. Clean your equipment, wolfie!

Take the can of compressed air to the keyboard with the sticky comma key, and quit spilling Cokes on it.

Clean your screen every once in a while. I wiped it down the first day because it was so covered in greasy fingerprints I couldn’t read text.



Hell Wolfie, I’ll help ya clean it.

I hear ya’, comrades.

I wrote an Internet use policy for work. Much of the policy was directed with one employee in mind, who took a somewhat respectable 500 MHz machine, and turned it into a box that’s as stable as Ann Heche and as slow as an Ohio driver in a school zone. Screen savers, demos, desktop “enhancements,” several different IM-like programs – should I even mention that the desktop has more icons than the Hermitage? (Why do people keep their desktops littered with “Read Me First!” icons and other garbage?) Her system tray extends halfway across her 600x800 screen; sure, she can boost the resolution, but it makes the “Try Out AOL for Free!” icons so much harder to see. Of course, she’s always complaining about her “damn computer.”

I know this is going to sound sexist, but based on my observation, middle aged women tend to junk up their computers far more than men; it’s the electronic equivalent of lining up thr teddy bear collection in the back window of the car. Middle aged women are also more likely to implement gaudy color schemes on their desktops, and display pictures that make everything even harder to read. Why?

Hey what’s wrong with mystery Chinese programs. She’s probably just trying to play mahjong on the web or that card game with two decks that’s all the rage.

I got Wolfie to clean the mouse!

When she opened it up, the ball was clean, but the entire inside was COVERED IN HAIR. Big nasty dog hair. How do you get dog hair inside a mouse?

But the mouse is clean!

Be careful what you wish for. I knew one woman at work who decided to “clean up” her directory structure. She wound up moving all of her Windows files into a subfolder, so the next time she started up her PC, it couldn’t find anything! That was a joyous day in the office…