Pretty sad.
Cazzle it’s probably this bit that would have a gender variation.
I apologize for not having read every single post in this thread, but I did look for quotes from the woman’s blog, and I didn’t see where anyone had quoted what I’m about to.
And I really think it’s key to why she should not have posted this on her blog, and why the gentleman in question is unlikely to be convicted of anything.
From her description of the evenings events prior to her trip to the restroom, it seems likely that she was inebriated. She admits (the blue part) that she may not have been perfectly clear that she was rejecting his advances, but she thinks she was clear. She doesn’t know she was clear. That leaves room for doubt, both in my reading, and perhaps, in the mind of this man.
I don’t want to be appearing to excuse the crude actions, if they did indeed occur, (I can’t imagine this is a very successful pick-up tactic), but what seems clear to me is that the woman has imperfect knowledge, due to alcohol consumption, of exactly what she said and the manner in which she said it, by her own admission. Therefore, to have posted something so publicly calling the man out as having committed a criminal act, was a stupid, stupid thing to do.
Sven and failure have a history of arguing over whether or not China sucks for a variety of reasons.
Rereading the post, it appears that these were two separate incidents, a taxi driver and then a guy at a bar.
No one has a cite either way as far as I know. When it comes to rape and child molestation, estimates for false accusations range from “women never lie about that” to 60-90% being false, depending on who you ask.
Your “vulnerability” is being male. Precautions don’t make any real difference.
All the people who look at her as a heroine striking out against male oppression will. She has supporters; does he? No; at most there’s a few people willing to express doubt that’s he’s guilty.
And men suffer more from just plain assault and murder. The major difference is that people just don’t care if the victim is male.
Nonsense, people freak out all the time when a man is accused of assaulting a woman.
This isn’t the 50s anymore.
Separate incidents. The taxi driver driving me from the train station to my home asked me if I had children, and then offered his assistance in me conceiving. He then offered to show me his “man thing that all women love” and then zip there it was. I had made the mistake of taking up his offer to sit in the front while I put my bags in the back (and yes, taxis in my city are uncaged- I can give you a number of cities in the South West that are uncaged) It’s never a fun situation to be wondering if you are more likely to get hurt jumping out of a moving car or staying in the car with a potential attacker. Luckily this particular driver was drunk off enough that he could barely keep upright in his seat, so I figured he probably couldn’t do much to me. I made it home unhurt but badly squicked out and feeling pretty violated.
The guy who pinned me down owned the nice bar in town and used to date an American friend of mine (until his surprise fiancee beat her up.) His English is good, so we’d talked a few times at the bar. One night I was with Chinese friends at the bar, and he came up and tried to kiss me, and I pulled away and told him that he needed to calm down. He grabbed my arm, twisted it around behind my back, and forced me to kiss me. His nails cut into my skin enough that I was bleeding. Obviously I could never go to that bar again, and the whole thing made me feel pretty upset as well as physically hurt.
Both were inappropriate, uncalled for in any culture, and if I had any way of getting their real names and letting their employers, spouses, parents and friends know what cowardly shitstains they are when nobody is looking and they think they can get away with it, I absolutely would do it.
PM me and I’ll send you the name of the city. I dare you to find anyone who has anything good to say about it.
None of this means jack if in fact it is true, though. If he did exactly what she said he did, then he has no one to blame but himself. Why the hell should she keep quiet to protect him from being exposed as exactly what he is?
If it’s a lie, then of course that’s a different matter.
In principle you’re absolutely right. I suspect though that the response of many would be to call the man a “lucky dog” or something similar, and the hotter the woman the more likely the response.
Unless of course she did infact lead him on, or allowed similiar acts from “strangers” trhoughout the night or otherwise behaved like a “party girl”
And no, I don’t think dressing or acting slutty justifies rape, but I don’t have so much sympathy if she allows “Act A” earlier in the night, but when this guy tries it he gets in shit.
Even if she behaved in such a manner he should still get into trouble - just not so much. 
Hmmmm…call me a misantrhope if you like, but I would come down harder on a guy groping a woman’s crotch than a woman groping a guy’s crotch. I know in theory they should be the same, BUT…
Speaking for myself, I simply would not be scared if any female short of Pauline Hanson or Xena Warrior Princess did that to me, while even little old 5’10, 80kg me could put a lot of fear into a lot of women.
A “misanthrope” hates the whole species - the gender-specific word is “misandrist”. But there are plenty who would agree with you.
Hmmm…speaking of movies…
what was the movie where the girl journalist (in school) dresses as a guy, goes to a different school, gets hit on by the girl. The Journalist is using a sock to well…the girl hitting on him / her reaches in (forcefully) and pulls out the sock - then asks “well how small can it be?”
Of course later on in the movie the journalist is forcefully exposed (meaning her shirt is ripped open) to the whole school…
A lot of guys misread women’s actions, they mistake friendliness or even courtesy as sexual interest. And even if she’d been having sex on the pool table with a bunch of other guys, that doesn’t mean that she has given up her right to refuse any particular man. No means no, and from her account, he didn’t respect her refusal of him.
And I would never suggest otherwise. No does mean no, and guys, when faced with such a situation should err on the side of caution.
I also believe though that there’s something to be said for consistency of behaviour. If acts that fall in “category A” have been done by someone all not, and then the guy attempts an act that falls into “category A”, she says no, the shit hits the fan. I think he still bears culpability - just a lower level than if his act was one of random agression out of the blue.
Put it this way, imagine a girl studying in the library, quietly minding her own business, some creep comes up and grabs a handful of breast.
In a different scenario, we have a girl pole dancing to a racous crowd, obviously enjoying the attention and wobbling boobies in faces - one guy grabs a handful.
Would you give both the same punishment?
As in all things, context is everything. No the guy doesn’t get a pass, particularly as I don’t know the context or preceding actions, adn if need be would probably give the lady the benefit of the doubt in such an encounter - but…
Wow. So if I let one guy put his hands down my pants, I have let every guy put his hands down my pants? Is this like cupcakes in elementary school? If I have flirtatious behavior with a guy, I owe it to everyone else, whether I want it or not? If I’m having a sexually charged chat with the members of the football team, I also have to let the creepy loser lurking in the corner put his hands on me? Being a “party girl” means you become public property, equally shared among all? Who gets to define “acting like a party girl?” I assume it’s the men involved. So if a bunch of guys at a party decide I’m acting like a party girl, I shouldn’t get upset if they manhandle me against my clearly stated wishes?
Does this work for men, too? If you are fondling the cheerleader does the fat smelly zit girl get to force you to squeeze her dropping stretch marked tits? If you are getting frisky at a party, and the host’s methed out black toothed scabby faced older sister corners you in the bathroom and shoves her sore-encrusted hands onto your penis, do you owe her a tug?
As for “leading him on,” telling someone to fuck off and pushing them away is not “leading them on.” Guys can delude themselves into believing any activity is “man, she is totally in to me.” Once she tells you “I don’t want to do this” and physically pushes you away, I think you can be sure that she doesn’t want you.
Errr…NO
Right now I have a bad joke running through my head -
What’s the difference between a bitch and a slut?
A slut sleeps with everyone in the office.
A bitch sleeps with everyone in the office except me.
Again NO.
No always means no. Regardless of anything else that has gone on before or after.
Hasn’t it been suggested elsewhere in the thread that “she thinks she was clear”?
I am not suggesting that this guy get a pass, or that what he did was ok, understandable or appropriate.
What I am suggesting is IF (and it’s a big if) what he did is similar in tone to what has been happening all night, his culpability is less (but not non existent). I know nothing about what happened that night, so I cannot comment on the specifics of how she handled herself.
What I would suggest is that if, on a scale of 1-10 (1 is 100% appropriate, 10 is out of the blue, unprovoked attack by a violent person) then her patterns of behaviour throughout the night can be a factor in how far along the scale we go.
Imagine it this way, and to pick on a subject from your own experience.
Imagine there is a noticeably different visitor to a small town. This visitor to the small town has a habit of getting into taxis and asking the driver to show her his dick. One day, she turns over a new leaf and vows never to do it again. The next night, she gets into a taxi, recognising her by reputation and gossip, the driver whips out his dick. Would you give the driver the same punishment in such a scenario as what you would give to the moron that tried it on you?
Yes, I would. Because in each case, she’s ASKED the driver to flash. In the last case, she didn’t ask him to flash, and he is assuming that because she’s done this sort of behavior with other men, that it’s OK for him to do it, too. No, it’s not. See, the thing is, just because a person is known to do certain things with certain people doesn’t mean that s/he is willing to do those things with ALL people. Anyone who assumes that the first person is willing to do the same thing with him/her as s/he’s done with other people is in the wrong.
To put it another way, if I am known to various panhandlers as a soft touch, and I give out money to whoever asks*, does that mean that a new panhandler can just come up to me and reach into my purse for a handout? Absolutely not! The new panhandler should get the same punishment as if I was a notorious hard case who never gave out money.
*This is a complete hypothetical. While I am generous to my friends and to selected charities, I no longer give out money to panhandlers.
I can’t think of any dick-grabbing-scenario where I’d suggest the victim file a sexual assault report. If my friend got his dick grabbed by a hot chick, I’d make fun of him for being unable to score (unless he did, of course.) If he got his dick grabbed by an ugly chick, I’d make fun of him for having low standards, and if he got his dick grabbed by another dude I’d make fun of him for being gay.
And I know none of those responses paints me in a good light, but if we’re being honest here about how I’d react to those events at a party, that’s exactly what I’d do.
I dunno what it is. I mean, guys in high school punch each other in the dicks for fun! We’re retarded when it comes to dicks. It’s just so far from something sacred, I can’t imagine caring if some guy’s dick got grabbed.
Vaginas, on the other hand…
Is that misogyny on my part or should I care more about dick-grabbing?