Woman Dopers: What is romantic to you?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Here’s a story about using poetry as a romantic present that is pretty much a object lesson on how one can not fake being romantic and how merely giving flowers, poetry, or some other romantic-by-definition object doesn’t work.

When I first started dating my ex-husband (so you may all know were this is going) he wanted to get me a ROMANTIC with a capital R present to wow me. So he decided to get me a book of poetry written by my favorite poet. Trouble was, he thought poetry was lame and never showed any interest in what I was reading. So he had no clue as to which poet would be my favorite. He didn’t want to just come out and ask me as that would give it away, so he asked my parents - and they had no clue either. But they opined that Emily Dickinson was a nice poet and everyone seemed to like her.
(My real favorite poet is William Carlos Williams, and I can take or leave Emily).

For my birthday I got The Complete Works of Emily Dickinson. Something I showed mild enthusiasm for, but did not exactly go ape shit. Ex didn’t understand why I wasn’t more moved, and when the reason came out he blamed my parents for their lack of attention…but that’s best saved for the “Stupid choices after more red flags than a railroad convention” thread.

22

Generic is bad, personalisation is good. Romantic is listen with my heart and make her feel special and valued.

Suppose Athena is really proud of her name. Is it romantic to buy her a book of Greek mythology, as long as she likes to read?
Capri,

Nah, this wasn’t about buying her a book of poems. This was about writing her a poem.

23

Writing poems, yes.

Romance is a delicate balance in life, and really hard to understand and maintain throughout an entire relationship.

What one girl considers romantic, another will consider lame, and vice versa.

Example: I used to work in a flower shop, delivering flowers. A guy thre had placed a “blanket order”. He asked that flowers be delievered to his wife once a month, every month, for nine months. The flowers used weren’t overly important, but I think he gave the florist a list of which kinds she enjoyed the most. The lady in question was 6 months pregnant when I first started working there. The flowers were his way of commemorating her pregnancy. Apparently, he had done something similar during her first pregnancy.

“Wow!!”, I thought. What a lucky and special woman to have such a thoughtful husband. How incredible that he thinks so much of her carrying his children.

Then I pull up to their house, get out of the car and carry the flowers to the door. When she opened the door, she looked at me blandly, signed for the flowers, rolled her eyes and slammed the door, without a word.

My jaw dropped. Maybe she was tired of the flowers? Maybe she was not happy about the expense her husband had gone to? (Let me add her, it was a LARGE house for that particular “town” and she had a WHOPPER of a diamond on her finger) Maybe just a bad day? I related this story to other girls that had delivered flowers to her and they said yeah, she always acts that way, she’s a real b****h.

Me? I would have loved that.

Simply put: Being romantic IS paying attention to the details, and knowing what your partner likes. Cards, emails, letters or post-its left in silly places, flowers, e-cards, jewelry. It’s all romantic, to the right person. Figure out what makes your girl ~sigh~. That’s what you do, but keep it fresh and unexpected.

And don’t STOP romancing. Ever.

~J

24

It’s figuring out what she likes and doesn’t like is the hard part, when you don’t know her that well. :frowning:

25

Attention to details.

~J

(Favorite color? She probably wears it a lot, or has candles in her home that are that color. Important details? Write them down, the first time you hear about them. Of course, you are allowed to just ASK. That makes you interested in learning about HER.)

26

Yeah, thankfully, I have been doing that.

27

Re: Athena Roses

I like receiving flowers, although roses aren’t my favourite. But, IMO, a bunch of flowers chosen because they have my name is lovely (you’d have to let her know the name of the flowers for her to get it, which I’m sure you’ve already considered). It all depends on who you’re giving them to.

With regard to the OP and loft-building, while a bunch of flowers is not the most original gift (although the name thing is definitely different), it certainly doesn’t fall into the category of “actions that will get you labelled as just-a-friend”. Bunches of flowers definitely say “I’m interested in a romantic relationship with you”, as does writing a poem.

The Break-up Girl advice is about how some guys keep on doing things that are considerate and sweet but never actually ask her out, or make a move. They just act like a wonderful friend and hope she’s a mind-reader who will magically realise that he’s interested.

In a long-term relationship, romantic means actions like the ones described above (some very sweet stories, I loved them), but sometimes those are hard to do when you’re still trying to get to know someone.

Just make sure you do something that is different from what a friend would do for her.

28

Some guys are very sweet and considerate and interested and SHY!

When I was first getting to know my husband he was horribly shy. I kept trying to get him out to dinner but he kept telling me that “I didn’t have to be so nice to him.” He thought I was just being polite as he had never actually dated before (We were both 18 and in college)

It was up to me to smack him with the proverbial brick to start things off :slight_smile:

Wether or not a gesture is considered romantic has a lot to do with the recipient’s feelings for the giver. If I think of the guy as a friend I might consider an action as thoughtful but not romantic. If the guy is someone I am/want to date then I would view the action differently.

A friend of mine had a huge crush on me when we were younger. I just didn’t see us in the same way he did and while I appreciated the nice things he did for me they didn’t make me swoon like he wanted.

29

True love is not gazing at each other in utter rapture it is staring out in the same direction together.

30

Oh, and a nice love letter once and a while, completely unprompted, is (or would be) nice.

31

Hey a passage from one of my favorite texts by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (paraphrased from St Exupery). I put it on our wedding program.

32

Most romantic thing that has ever happen to me, was a guy, who called me on a tuesday night (from several hundred miles away)… just to tell me to look at the moon.

Not only did he see the moon and think of me… (and as a wiccan, that was cool enough)… but he sawthe moon, thought of me, and didn’t even consider the miles between us. He assumed that I would see the same thing he did…
It made me feel very close to him, and very special.:smiley:

-Pandora
(who is normally the complete opposite of romantic)

33

What’s romantic? God knows everyone here’s different and I’m no exception.

No.1 Someone who actively gets pleasure out of touching you, often. Preferably from behind, really softly, on the back of the neck. That’s gotta be better for the soul than a bucketful of roses, and when I finally meet him I’ll make him very, very happy indeed.

Laughter. I place a high premium on a brain that’s humorously on the same wavelength as mine.

Poetry’s good. I like that sort of stuff but it doesn’t work if the other party isn’t in to it.

Anything that reminds you they’ve been thinking about you.

Being trusted enough to be shown their soppy side.

34

I’m pretty sure that thing about the cat stealing the baby’s breath is just an old wive’s tale :slight_smile:

35

Well, most of my friends thought I was nuts because I asked my ex-fiance to buy me a KitchenAid stand mixer instead of a diamond ring. Actually, so did he, but he did got it for me anyway. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, he had made his intentions clear already, we were trying to save for a house, and I love to cook, so for me it was much nicer. It took me two years to get it through his head that I was much more into that type of stuff than chocolates and flowers. Unfortunately, after another year of living together, that was still the only time he ever really listened to what I wanted.

What would be really romantic to me? How about any of the following:

A long horseback ride to a secluded picnic site

Going to a hockey game for my birthday

Bubble bath, or a basket of bath products

A spontaneous trip to someplace cool but not typically thought of as a ‘romantic destination’ - Dublin, Toronto, Prague…

The only one of those I’ve ever gotten from a man was the bubble bath, and that was from my brother. No wonder I’m still single.

I think what we’re all trying to say is… the most romantic thing you can do for a woman is to get to know her as an individual and not an idea of what you think she ought to be.

36

“There once was a girl from Nantitoris…”

37

I am not a romantic person, Hubby is though.

The first time I met the guy I would marry, we spent four hours at a pool talking. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again as it was his best friend I had an interest in that day (purely sexual and that didn’t turn out very satisfactorily).
Later that that day as his best friend and I were ‘busy’, he walked in on us, said ‘oops’ and left. When he came back later from killing time, he gave me a rose he’d picked while he was out.
I, for some reason felt the need to apologize for having sex with his best friend. While I was getting dressed for work, the TV was on and the movie ‘The Neverending Story’ was on and I realized he was as enthralled by the story as I was.

I couldn’t get him out of my mind.
About two weeks later, he and his best friend came by rather late. His best friend wanted another go at me but as the first round wasn’t much to write home about, I did a quick evasion and we joined the other folks in the house.
Cut to the chase, Later that night, I asked Hubby to be if he wanted the number at the house, he said ‘No’ but he’d give me his, he was tired of the call/excuse game and left the responsibility in my hands.
A week later I get a call at work, IT’S HIM!!!
I pick him up after work and the whirlwind begins.

While he was living with me he got fired from his job. Didn’t matter, he was gonna quit in a few weeks anyway went he left for basic training.
While I was at work, he’d do odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn money. I had a dozen roses every week, sometimes delivered to me at work, sometimes waiting when I got home. We had a midnight picnic on the porch when I got home one night of pizza. For dessert, he’d gone to my favorite bakery and bought me chocolate eclairs (my favorite), in side the box was a silver bracelet.
He use to carry around notebooks and was always writing stories and free verse and would read them for me.
We used to have chess/backgammon/drinking contest.
We’d snuggle (naked under a sheet) on the couch on the front porch because the apartment had no AC and no cross breeze.
We took baths together in the big 'ol claw-foot tub or he’d give me a bath.
Walking hand in hand to the library.
Walking in the rain without an umbrella and even though it was summer, stopping and getting hot chocolate, then making the cup into a boat and watching it ‘sail’ on the rushing current down the gutter.

We still hold hands. He still likes to buy me flowers. He still gives me baths.
He kisses my forehead, a gentle, comforting kiss.
He’ll turn and watch me sometimes, I can see him at the edge of my vision and he’ll smile and go back to what he was doing.
Sometimes he lets me sleep in, rather that get me up to fix his lunch and help him get out the door in the morning.
We’d rather stay home and do nothing together than go out and do something with friends.
If we’re within two feet of each other we have to be touching.
He likes it, loves it, when I hold his arm
He tells me I’m beautiful and means it.

(You should have seen the original length of this post. He’s my favorite topic.)

38

I’ve loved that quote for years and could never remember where I lifted it from. beagledave you are the best. GMTA.

39

Jaade,

That will be the hardest part.
stringy,

Yes, it’s a lot more difficult without the knowledge :frowning:
Wolfgrrl,

That’s different :slight_smile:

Ah, that’s right, She likes bubble bath, too. Great! :slight_smile:

40

Different things people have done that I’ve felt was romantic…
*Dated one boy who, before we went to bed every night, would thank me for anything nice I’d done for him that night, even if it was just helping him to edit something, making his bed, etc. Just knowing that he took the time to think about it every night. Sometimes I would wake up to a little bundle of flowers next to me… basically, anything that showed that he was thinking of me when I wasn’t there, I felt was romantic.
*In high school I dated an incredibly sweet boy who was also very very poor. One day he won a jalapeno-eating contest for $25 – just enough to take me out for a burger and a movie. He spent the next couple of days in INTENSE pain but kept insisting it was worth it. He would do other things… take the bus somewhere 5 miles away to buy me something, then just walk home because he had spent his bus fare on the item. (In retrospect there seems to be a connection between his physical pain and his making me happy… now I feel bad! heh.)