I was just talking to Mr. Athena about this thread, and he said “You’re not talking about hobbies - you’re talking about passionate interests.” He’s right. I’d like to re-do the OP. Here 'tis, in an abbreviated form:
Most men I know have at least one passionate interest, something they love doing over all other things and will spend considerably time and money doing it. Most women I know don’t have such an interest. Discuss.
That said, Hello Again’s post is exactly what I’m describing. What I’m not describing is simply a hobby that doesn’t lend itself to discussion, such as what several posters to this thread describe.
I think Shirley Ujest has a really interesting observation in her “RE: Kids and Moms” discussion. And yes, men are more selfish, but I think there’s a good case to be made that the men are in the right here. I’m not a parent, but I do believe that children learn how to be adults by watching their parents. Watching their parents read, play sports, and become passionately interested in things is a GOOD thing, IMO.
Everyone else has mentioned it, I guess–it’s hard to have hobbies when you’ve got an infant. As my two get older, I have more time and ability to get back to doing the things I like to do–I couldn’t work with knitting needles when mine were babies, for instance–they were too fascinating! And even reading, you can’t really read for long stretches while kids are awake.
That said, women who won’t leave their kids with daddy are…I don’t know, I just can’t imagine that. I mean, I have a pang when I leave my kids (I will this weekend when I head down to Memphis) but I don’t have any worries that Mr. Cameron and grandmas won’t be able to take care of the kids. I guess I’m lucky, too–while most of the housework/childcare falls to me, since I’m home (and I think that’s fair), I’ve never had any problems when I wanted to go somewhere, out with my friends or whatever–Mr. Cameron has never complained or questioned or made it difficult for me to go. On the contrary.
(I did used to have a friend in town, whose kids were about the same age as mine, who knitted, and we would get together and talk about needlework, among other things, but she moved to Australia. )
Damn, I hate women like that. I know several, and some among them I know for an absolute fact don’t know martyrdom from shinola. For them it’s all about power and control. It’s not that they don’t want to leave the kids home with dad, it’s that if they do, they lose their precious control for a couple hours. Their husbands don’t have clue one about caring for their own children and it’s not because they never wanted to. It’s because they’ve never been allowed to. Among the women in my peer group, my own sister is the worst of the lot.
Hobbies. I have alot of them. Most of them are things that I was once absorbed in, but have now been relegated down to “stuff I know how to do” as my interests have changed. I hate to knit, almost as much as I hate to crochet. But I know how to do both. At one time I was making most of my own clothing, back in my earth-mother long hair and flowing skirt days, but my standard uniform is now jeans and a t-shirt. I love to dabble in interior decorating and design, have made all my window treatments for years and started reupholstering about three years ago. I went through a period of time where all I could think about was lamps and lighting…I was buying up old lamps and taking them apart to make new ones. The lampshades were stripped down to the frame and recovered in different mediums…parchment, silk or what have you. Did the home-made from oils and lye homemade soap thing pretty intensively for a few years. I only make it as needed anymore. Handmade paper I found interesting, but how many tiny sheets of rough textured deckle edged paper does one need? I would love to work with glass…glass blowing preferably…but that’s a ton of money to get set up for. Stained glass is more within reach financially, but just doesn’t seem as interesting.
Weeeell. Lemme see - there are a couple different things going on here.
First, on women and their hobbies in general - I know a HUGE number of women who hobby, mostly in crafts. Many many crocheters, knitters, polymer clay artists, scrapbookers, jewelry makers, collectors and so on. Because I am a crafty person, I tend to seek out these people and join guilds, groups, and email lists. I personally know only one woman who really has no hobbies.
Second, on women, kids and hobbies - I teach some of my hobbies, so I connect with more moms and kids that way. As for passions, I’m a community volunteer type, so I’m the mom you’ll always see at PTA meetings, school board meetings, school field trips, Girl Scout camps and so on… and there’s a large number of women I know who are the same. I would say that “hobbies” are primarily a solo thing, while kids can easily become your social life.
My husband is a hobbyist, too, so a lot of his social life is taken up by that (he’s an officer for his RC aircraft club.)
most men bond by doing activities. fishing, sports, hunting etc etc
most women bond simply by talking and sharing. doing lunches, and having coffee and chatting on the phone.
Actually, this is the point I was trying NOT to make. I’m not talking about bonding or social stuff. I’m talking about activities and interests that any social aspects are secondary.
I’m not quite sure what fits your activity search…
All of my hobbies are done for my happiness. If no one else gets jazzed about them so what! I certainly don’t spend hours scouring E-Bay for more monopoly paraphenalia because my friends love it… I can NEVER get anyone to come play with me.
I prefer to scrapbook with friends because I like to be social and because sometimes they have just the right thing for the page I’m working on and sometimes I can give them something cool they didn’t think of for their stuff but I also spend time alone organizing pictures and putting things together so my daughter will have something to show her grandkids about her childhood.
Frankly reading is not exactly a social activity unless you’re in a book club… I’m not.
I have yet to find a friend besides my hubby who enjoys the video games I do. Does that count?
My passionate interests are gardening (a solitary activity that I can – and do – discuss in excruciating detail with fellow enthusiasts, plan trips around, read books and magazines about, etc.); tap-dancing (weekly class, go to performances, tape all known shows about); and figure skating (plan weekends around viewing major competitions; subscribe to a magazine; discuss with fellow fans).
I have other pastimes (of the crafty sort) that come and go in my life; read a lot; etc.
I’m female, single, no kids. One of the MANY reasons I don’t have kids is that I’m very selfish about having time to do the things I like to do.
Putting it that way, just about the only people, men or women, that I can think of like that are my parents,;although my dad does like 24 and mom collects little house on the prarie books and hurricane lanterns, they’re not excessively interested in anything.
However, most people I know- either in real life or through the internet- have obessessive, passionate interests (and of the people I know they are generally one or more of these a. computer/video games b. writing c. the X-files d. niche reading - 12th century england or what have you. A whole lot of the girls I know do what I do and combine b and c ) And it’s not as though I know only people in my age group, since some people I know quite well are half a century older than me, and still passionate about their interests.
On the other hand, you might know me pretty well, say we worked together for a year, and still have no inkling of my interests. It just doesn’t come up unless someone asks; what I do in my free time just isn’t something I bring up on my own very often. I mean, how often will it come up naturally that I spend a couple hundred to three dollars a year on X-Files dvds and expansion packs for my favorite PC games? Or that I spend hours and hours making downloads for my sims site and writing fics? Not very often. Maybe the women you know are sort of secretive about their hobbies/interests as well.
My big hobby, besides reading, of course, is knitting. And I don’t really talk about it a lot, because people tend to think it’s weird and geeky. (I’m 24 years old - what 24 year olds spend that much time knitting?)
I wonder if it’s just a case of men being more willing to discuss their passionate interests than women.
On my pad (I’m a frog), it’s definately the kids that cause the hobby- less problems for the women. My hobby was reading, but I can now not finish a paragraph without interruption, so I gave that up in frustration. I tried working with wood making small mechanical objects, but only got three done because of the small helpers. Now I’m just fooling around with food since I spend so much time in the kitchen anyway. My kid and adult friendly recipes have improved greatly. I’m making cakes and breads also, and we’re seeing way less kid foods 'round here like dogs and mac-n-cheese. My kids will eat asparagus now and like helping.
Now for DH- he has a new motorcycle, a canoe, plays an instrument, and takes alot of computer time. His hobbies are single person hobbies and not generally kid friendly.
What has happened is that DH hogged up all the solitary hobbies and combined with the kids natural affinity for mama, my hobby is now mostly kids and kid stuff. I’ve threatened to take up golf or bowling, but figure the kids won’t be small forever. Maybe DD (not DH) and I can take golf together later on.
I have an even more bizarre hobby – tatting. Equipment needs are very few: a spool of thread and a bobbin. It’s easy to pack away in a tiny bag when traveling. A side benefit is that I get to meet people that way. If I’m waiting in an airport, for example, eventually someone will come over kind of shyly and ask what I’m doing, or recall that their grandmother did that kind of thing, etc. And before long I’m giving a demo or we’re reminiscing about our grandmothers.
Most of the women I know have ‘passionate interests’–even if they haven’t really got the cash to spend on them. Usually either sports or crafty/arty things (my SIL is the only painter in oils I know, though).
I myself spend a lot of effort, time, and money on quilting. Secondary hobbies are handwork, gardening, and scrapbooking. Like ivylass, reading is more like breathing than a hobby; even with a toddler who won’t let me finish a paragraph, I manage to read a lot.
One difference may lie in the working mom/SAHM thing; I think I have more time to devote to these things because I’m home, whereas a lot of working moms are too busy to have ‘extras’ like interests. I can drag the Kidlet along to some of my hobbies; she can ‘help’ me in the garden and plays happily while I sew, so it goes right along with being at home.
I wish I could knit. Kyla, are you planning on visiting CA anytime soon?
I come from a family of people with (as you so aptly put it) passionate interests. My dad had tons of interests: Photography, travel, stamp collecting, butterfly collecting, trains, classical music, studying geology and history, and the list goes on.
I grew up with this. I grew up with him and his passionate interests. Naturally, he encouraged passionate interests in his kids. And my mom—while she enjoyed “mom” things, she also made time for her passionate interests (often, some might contend, to the detriment of her childrearing duties!). When I was maybe 8 or 9 I remember getting up out of bed and asking her to keep down the piano playing and singing, because I had to get some sleep. My mom. What a piece of work she was (and still is!).
She was trained in Classical music and voice, and my dad definitely encouraged her in that—bought her a very nice grand piano, drove her around to all the church recitals and music programs (she did most of her music for church, and was much in demand). And my dad was the same with us kids: if we had a hobby or interest, he encouraged us, paid for supplies (within reason) and basically let us know that hobbies and interests were an important thing.
Now that I am grown, I still have that philosphy—hobbies and passionate interests are what makes life worth living, and are what makes us happy and interesting. (In the “What is a Life?” thread, I rhapsodise about my new awesome Epson Perfection 3200 scanner. This has revolutionized my photography, since I can scan my negs and slides at near pro-quality. And yes, I am quite passionate and happy about the scanner!) I’ve got tons of interests and hobbies, mostly art and arty-related.
I used to think that maybe I had all these interests because I had time for it (I don’t have kids). Surely, I do have more time for my passionate interests than someone with kids. But my sister with two kids (and fulltime job, and “supermom” complex) also has passionate interests: the crafty stuff, jewelry making and guitar playing.
Most of my female friends have some sort of passionate interest, and frankly, I pity those who don’t. One old friend who doesn’t have the same level of passionate interests has always (it seemed to me) to be less happy because of it. I also notice another phenomenon: those women who are petty, childish and dull-witted rarely have passionate interests. (I have some coworkers like that.) Not to say that all women who don’t have passionate interests are petty and small-minded, of course! But I can’t remember knowing a woman who was passionate about hobbies and interests who was also petty and bored enough to start bickering and gossip for amusment. I’m not saying that such women don’t exist, naturally, I just don’t think they are as common as the petty/bitchy/non-hobby types.
I hasten to add here, some of the “crafty girly” stuff is highly addictive and I always respect and admire any woman who is into that. I’m not a terribly “crafty” (as in craft shops, quilting, etc.) person, but I love to sew. It’s a very cool thing, and can be very creative and challenging. I used to work in a fabric store and I knew that a lot of the regular customers needed their crafty hobbies to stay sane. One woman I remember specifically: a stay-at-home-mom who LOVED (loved loved loved) sewing. The way she acted, I got the impression that sewing was the only “hobby” she allowed herself. And she threw herself into it.
I have too many passionate interests and not enough time/money !
Of my friends, all have their own passionate interests, male and female. None of them have children, either… (not sure if it’s related but a lot of mention has been made of it, so I’ll chuck it out there)
It could be that I tend to choose friends who have interests, simply because something about them appeals to me. Or it could be that I tend to have RL friendships with childless people. Or it could be, considering the small and selective sample, blind chance
I can’t imagine an existence without a few passionate interests.
I know a couple of women who are passionate musicians, one has CDs of her group, and she also has a child and a daytime job. Another woman is a passionate gardener. I have my own “hobbies.” The women I hear about and have briefly met who do not seem to have hobbies seem to be very superficial people, and I have nothing in common with them. I also know some very boring men who are simply wrapped up in their jobs.
Well, I probably don’t have anything that would really count as a passionate interest outside of my work. I have things I enjoy puttering around with sometimes, but no huge driving passion. My job involves the ruling passion of my life, and it’s very physically and emotionally demanding. When I get home, I don’t want to be totally absorbed in something. I just want to piddle around with something that doesn’t matter very much.
I enjoy my hobbies, to be sure, and I need the stress relief they provide, but I use up too much of my mental and physical energy at work and in my relationships to have any left over for hobbies.
-Are you the Kathren Hepburn re born?
Amongst others?
Any smart woman questions this peculiar trait men posess.
The fact that men hold other men in such a repor that women don’t. I, for one, admit I don’t have a lot of women friends.
Most men I know have at least one passionate interest, something they love doing over all other things and will spend considerably time and money doing it. Most women I know don’t have such an interest. Discuss.
)
) And it’s not as though I know only people in my age group, since some people I know quite well are half a century older than me, and still passionate about their interests.