OMG! yosemitebabe, you just described my husband’s sister, especially the dull-witted part. She reminds me of my cats: just sort of existing.
I have known lots of women with no hobbies or passionate interests, while I’ve never known a man that was the same. Most of the hobbies I have or have had (paintball, computer games, D&D, Magic: the Gathering, terrain-building, painting minis) have very few women involved.
I think a lot of it is the idea that “grown ups” don’t play, but “you know how boys are with their toys.” So those women seem to think that it would be inappropriate to do anything fun.
I had an old boyfriend like this - guess who I got rid of… (hint: it wasn’t the horse.)
I’m sort of eclectic. I play video games, ride my horse, and am taking my dog to his first show next week. My husband is the opposite - I can’t really think of anything he’s really into. I thought that was really weird when I first met him - a guy with no hobbies. He putters around and likes to build stuff, but it’s always BIG stuff like a deck or a fence. He does seem to like to follow me around to all the horse and dog functions which is a huge help. It’s like having my own personal squire. Man, he’s gonna kill me if he reads this…
Nope, I was there last month, visiting my parents. I wanted to get some knitting done while I was at the gate, so I called the airline to see if they would be allowed past security, and they couldn’t assure me that they would, so I left them behind. Alas. All the work I could have gotten done!
This is a good point. And, I think it is more apparent in Professional-type mothers, rather than your run of the mill secretarial-type, et all.
An excellent point. A friend of ours, A Doctor & PhD had never been alone with his 8 month old son by his wife because she was too nervous about it. If you cannot trust your spouse with the child for two hours then there is trouble.
**Kyla ** Instead of taking those threatening knitting needles to the airport, maybe you could subsitute them with two #2 pencils, or even pens.
There is nothing worse than being at the airport ( or hospital) with nothing to keep your hands or mind busy.
Did you hear about the old lady they arrested at the airport with knitting needles shortly after 9/11? Turned out she was trying to knit an Afghan .
Sorry about that. It had to be said.
This is sort of an issue between my husband and me. He has very defined hobbies: he fly-fishes, plays golf, and plays rugby. He thinks that I don’t have any hobbies, but it’s just that mine are more nebulous and not as hobby-like. I read (a lot - British police procedurals in particular). I come here. I like to entertain, so I’m frequently planning parties and inviting people over (it’s mainly the planning and organizing part that I like). I like to refinish furniture. I edit and put out the newsletter for the rugby club (and I also do all the graphic stuff for them - signs, ads, programs for tournaments, etc.). I think he thinks my “hobbies” are more “work” and feels like I should have more fun stuff to do. I do have fun, though.
On a little bit of a tangent, I’m a pretty solitary person (as you can tell from some of the stuff I like to do). I’m frequently the one who’s turning down invitations to girls-night-out stuff. It’s not that I’m playing the martyr (I don’t even have kids to take care of yet) and my husband would be perfectly content if I went out more without him, but most of the stuff I’m invited to just doesn’t seem very fun to me. I’m not much of a movie person and going to clubs/dancing/etc. is something I have to really be in the mood for. Maybe some of the women who don’t take you up on your invitations are just not interested in the particular activity??
I have stuff that I enjoy doing–knitting (hey, kyla, another 24-year-old knitter here!), dancing, cooking–but I wouldn’t consider them passionate interests. I read voraciously, but as another poster pointed out, that’s such a big part of my life that I don’t consider it a hobby. I would much rather hang out with my friends than do a “hobby.” Being with people I like brings me more enjoyment than, say, knitting a new sweater.
It kind of blows my mind when I come home from work and find out that my SO has spent all day playing computer games. I just can’t imagine being that absorbed in something.
I have to say that I am very lucky in that my wife and I enjoy many of the same hobbies. They are not particularly dynamic, but we enjoy them and have a lot of fun sharing them. we are both very much into reading the same sorts of books (medieval historical fiction/nonfiction, fantasy, scifi) and it is just a great feeling to know that we both await the next Harry Potter book, or the stuff by Jordan, Douglass, et al. and will sceme to steal it from under the other’s nose rather then get two copies.
we also collect toys (she does dolls, i do vintage transformers, star wars, etc.) and websurf together - as is evidenced by our problems posting in each other’s name. it’s really a pain in some chatrooms we frequent together using separate windows.
She tends to garden and do a lot of interior decorating stuff on her own, as well as specialty cooking (and she takes classes on them when she can), while i occasionally fixate on a video game, or attempt building a particularly ambitious lego model. I don’t have a lot of ‘male’ vices- i don’t do sports, hunting, fishing, or gambling, though I will admit that i am a political junkie, and devote a lot of time and energy to following that and examining various political positions.
Neither of us really hang out a whole lot with other couples, mostly because we have the best time just on our own, or the nature of our hobbies tends to be somewhat intimate for us. we also met online and suffered through a 2 1/2 year long distance relationship of about 1200 miles, and a lot of our hobbies sprung up as a way for us to do stuff together lessen the distance somewhat.
btw- we have 3 kids (14 months, 8, and 11, all boys) and share hobbies where we can- she gardens with the youngest, i video game and lego with the oldest, and we both read and discuss books with our middle son (he’s some sort of idiot savant when it comes to books right now).
Like Hello Again, my passion is riding. I used to be very into singing, but the horses have taken me away from that.
I used to be very concerned about my sister in law who basically has no interests, hobbies, or activities outside of being a mom. I would go to movies with her or try to get her into something thinking that she needed a night out. At some point, it dawned on me that she was doing this for my benefit, and that she actually prefered to be with her kids. My brother is the typical doesn’t lift a finger to do housework and only spends the fun times with the kids (e.g. plays with them but never disciplines them or takes them to the doctor). However, that’s really my sister in law’s doing. She wants things done her way and wants them done by her.
That kind of life would make me insane. But it seems to genuinely make her happy. We don’t do much together (although we really like each other) because we have so little in common. I can’t understand how she can be happy without anything in her life that’s hers. She can’t understand how I can be happy when I don’t have children. To each there own, I guess.
I do know many women with passions or hobbies. But I tend to meet them by doing those passions or hobbies since that’s where they are. I don’t meet them at the office (unless you count being slavishly devoted to one’s job as a passion) or in my family.
