So, we know that women’s sex drive often goes much higher when they’re with somebody new- situational surge.
And, often there are surges by time of month, especially around the times of ovulation and/or start of period.- monthly hormonal.
What about in a larger sense, by time of life?
Ladies, (or men answering for their ladies)
-
Over time, has your sex drive remained steady or varied a lot?
-
If it has varied, at what ages or stages of life did it surge?
-
If it surged, do you have any idea why?
Thanks. I’m not really a pervert, I’m just trying to write a book of tips for women who want to get more sexed up. All help much appreciated. Well yes I am a pervert too, sort of. 
It’s varied.
Big surge at early/mid thirties-
Kids got to school age so could have been more leisure/less stress. Also it’s a time of fertility drop off, so could have been higher testosterone. Was associated with high creativity, may have even been a long, wild mood swing, lol.
Big surge at mid/late forties-
Kids got to college age and I quit my job, so could have been more leisure/less stress. Also it’s a time getting close to menopause, so could have been higher testosterone.
With both of these highest surges, exercising went along with it. I’m not sure which came first though.
big surge around age 37, growing steadily, with a few bumps since then. Age 41 now.
possible contributing factors (besides hormonal changes from aging):
husband’s heart attack at 37. Something about almost losing someone…
tubal ligation (one week before heart attack). Didn’t realize how much worrying about getting pregnant (two of four pregnancies unplanned, though not unwanted) was making me avoid sex.
brother’s suicide about two years after these events. Started having even more sex. Not what I would’ve predicted as a grief response, but there you have it.
As for other varying factors…having babies, nursing, and the bone crushing tiredness that comes from them can really make sex a low priority. My sex drive never went away…in the middle of the day with a baby napping, some semblance of order obtaining, I would still feel the desire…but by the end of that day NOTHING could possibly compete with the need for sleep.
- I’m only 25, but it’s already my ‘drive’ has varied a ton.
- It went crazy starting around age 11 or 12, then I had a bad depression from about 14 (which is when I had my first period) to 18 and pretty much had zero drive during that time. Since then it’s been fairly normal (I’ll never turn it down) but with ups and downs depending on a lot of different things. I am hormonally ruled and can count on 2 weeks per month where I think about sex much more, and two weeks where it rarely enters my mind.
I don’t think I’ve been in enough relationships to judge how that affects it. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years now, and there certainly hasn’t been a steady downward trajectory in frequency or desire, but there have been many ups and downs for many reasons.
I would say within my relationship, actual frequency of the deed is the main factor that increases my sex drive. If we’re in a good groove and doing it more, I think about it more, and make it happen. If frequency is lower for whatever reason (it’s mostly that we almost never have anywhere close to the same work or sleep schedule, and it takes planning most days to see each other in private when it’s not midnight and we’re both pooped), I think about it less, and forget to make time to do it!
I absolutely have a higher general sex drive when I’m taking care of myself physically, being more active and eating plenty of nourishing foods. Eating crap and sitting around (and it has nothing to do with my weight which is always stable) really fucks me up emotionally and physically.
Per chart #7 in this article, there are some pretty consistent patterns in women’s sex drives and self confidence as they age. Self-described body type definitely matters, though.
Edit: This is based on the OkCupid population, so I don’t know how well it generalizes to the population as a whole. Still, it’s not hard to believe that it’s a pretty good description in general.
Still waiting for that big surge at 41.
The answers weren’t varied enough for me to vote. Its been low most of my life. Yes around ovulation, back when I used to ovulate, but I have noticed now I am older and experienced and have more self confidence, its higher. When I was young, it was this whole thats all guys want, they will use you. I was inhibited and now I am not (and also have no more pregnancy worries) its good! Being in love with someone helps also.
Mine increased a lot when I went off hormonal birth control after my first long term relationship (which lasted a year and a half). It went from relatively high to omgsuperhigh. I’m sure the birth control was a factor, but mostly I think it was that I went from being stuck in a relationship with crappy, mundane sex to being young and free and having the sexual world “open” to me for the first time (having lost my virginity to that guy).
In my current “phase” of life (age 26), my drive spikes after about 3 months of celibacy then goes nearly all the way away for another 3 if sated. If not sated, then it kinda just simmers at a low-medium level during the day (like right now) but spikes up outrageously high while I’m asleep. I have very raunchy dreams and the female equivalent of nocturnal emissions (I don’t emit anything, I just have the orgasm part of it).
It was fairly even from my teens to late twenties, then went up in my early thirties. At that point I was in a happy long term relationship and I married the guy. It went down some when I went on birth control at 31 after my son was born. It continued to decline (went through a divorce, had a few more relationships) until I went off the birth control after I went through menopause at age 47. At that point I didn’t care if I ever had sex again. I was in a dead end relationship with a guy who didn’t appeal to me physically anymore, we had “let ourselves go” and were more into having dinner than having sex.
I didn’t like the direction that my life was heading, so I broke up with him. I started exercising and lost the weight I gained. I met another man after a long dry spell and I almost jumped his bones the first time he kissed me. So at 53 it’s back up there again, not quite as high as it was in my early 30s, but yeah, it’s back!
I used to think it was all about the state of the relationship, if it’s good and stable and if you can talk to each other openly and honestly about sex, but I think if your hormones aren’t there to back it up it could be a problem.