I once had a guy ask me before he kissed me and it was the sexiest damn thing ever. It just depends on how you ask
You don’t know him. Maybe he’s into that kinda thing.
From x-ray vision’s link:
There are so many times when the guy who was kissing me was so caught up in his own experience, I don’t think he had any much idea of how I was responding. I think maybe getting verbal consent would be easier for him than going ‘oh wait, how do I interpret this body language’. But regardless, getting consent is not about doubt, or hesitancy or lack of confidence, which is what it sounds like sometimes when people talk about it. It’s about those moments when you are so caught up that you are not thinking about the other person. It’s not “Please, ma’am, may I kiss you”. It’s more like “You probably have an opinion about this. I wonder what it is.”
It isn’t so important whether you should ask in words or other ways. Guys seem to always want a users manual. What is important is that you are having a conversation, you aren’t trying to press the right buttons in order to get the soda machine to cough up your coke.
If a mood is killed so easily, it wasn’t much of a mood to begin with, in my opinion.
Why ask? At the right moment, just state your desire to kiss her. She probably already knows you want to, but now it’s in the open; there’s a big green “kiss me” light on your forehead, and she can decide whether she leaves her light off or turns it on.
I would not be turned off by a man who asked to kiss me; but I can honestly say I have never been asked. My experience has always been; the guy always just kisses me. As if we were telepathic and he KNEW I wanted to be kissed. I think I am pretty good at the subtle “kiss me please” body language. Additionally I have never received a “surprise kiss.” I have however on occasion just kissed the guy first. They appeared to be pleased.
This whole thread is honestly alien to me. There has never been any situation in which it wasn’t crystal clear that kissing was imminent and both parties were excitedly wanting it. I am very aware of body language, facial expression, subtle body movement and overall energy of the moment. It has served me perfectly well my entire life and I don’t understand what has happened over the past decade, decade and a half, that has made things so awkward and convoluted. Or maybe it’s always been there, just as hard to understand, but I’m not hearing about it until now because oeople are able to speak up? IDK. It’s not to say I think anyone is doing anything that isn’t appropriate for them, not at all. It’s just something I have zero experience with and honestly had never heard about from anyone until the internet starting buzzing about it a few years ago.
I agree with every part of this.
I suppose it happens but its not as if someone just runs up and spins someone around and jams their tongue in the others’ mouth. The body language/facial expressions are very easy to read. I am a man and I’d go from full on to half-mast or think “she may have trust issues” if a woman asked if she could kiss me instead of just going for it. The situation where a kiss is going to happen is just so readily apparent.
Never asked, but always received the appropriate feedback before kissing.
If that’s true for you, then this isn’t really aimed at you, you’re effectively waiting for consent, even if it’s not verbal consent.
However, having been a teenage girl and having dated teenage boys (not saying it’s exclusive to teen boys, have not dated girls, though I’ve seen 'em do this too), I’m sorry, but I have to tell you that the ‘spins someone round and jams a tongue in their mouth’ situation isn’t as exaggerated as you’d like to think. Had it done to me, seen it done to others.
You don’t do it =/= it doesn’t happen. Some people are really really bad at reading body language. Add to that guys are told being confident are attractive, and some confuse that with just going for what they want without waiting for feedback, and the fact that a lot of girls aren’t comfortable with saying ‘No, stop it’, and you have a mess. Vice versa also applies, though there’s generally less pressure on women to be the instigator, and less pressure on men to not say no (and yes, I have seen a girl just grab a male friend of mine and jam her tongue down his throat with no interest at all on his part). No ‘not all guys’ do it, that’s utterly irrelevant to the fact that some do.
If you don’t drop litter, and you never see people drop litter, you still wouldn’t say a campaign to stop people doing it was pointless; you can see litter, you know people drop it.
This is no less real a phenomenon than littering. It’s just less visible.
I’ve been having this same conversation on multiple forums recently. I just try to get the guys to listen to some of the stories about #MeToo because this imagined “having a good time at a party with a girl and try for a kiss, end up in jail” kind of scenario is NOT AT ALL what most of #MeToo is about.
Did you lock a girl in a room with you? Did you trap her in a corner of a deserted stairwell? Did you threaten to ruin her career if she didn’t sleep with you? Did you pretend to be giving a medical exam to someone and instead sexually assault them?
Look, making romantic advances is risky and puts you in a vulnerable spot. So you’re scared and worried, but there’s still a pretty wide path here. Don’t abuse your power to coerce sexual activities. Don’t hide behind your office, your holiness, your societal privilege. Treat a woman as an equal in having a say in the sexual decisions and you’re fine. That doesn’t mean you can’t flirt or seduce someone. And the people getting run out of town on rails these days had a LONG and REPEATED history of using power to coerce sexual favors.
Enjoy,
Steven