I mean, sure, go ahead and make it as awkward as you want, I guess. I’m not sure why you think verbal consent needs to be this weirdly stilted conversation rather than a couple of people casually talking about what they want and how they prefer to be treated. And no, asking every step of the way is not required if you’re with someone that doesn’t require it. I see that mindset brought out by the anti-asking group pretty frequently, but I’ve honestly never seen anyone seriously advocate that it should be the norm. Usually what I do see people advocating is asking permission to initially touch or kiss someone, then checking in as things progress even with something as simple as “is this okay?” “does that feel good?” “do you want me to ___?”. None of those things need to break the mood or put a halt to everything, and it’s the sort of talking a lot of people do anyway without really thinking about it because they like hearing “yes that feels good”. It’s really just looking for positive consent, rather than just the absence of a no.
Feel free to keep doing what works for you and hooking up with folks with the same preferences, but other people preferring to talk a little more and establish some boundaries doesn’t have to be weird.
Okay, sure. But pretty much everything is considered to be a turnoff to someone. You weigh the balance - it is better to risk the turn off to do risk something someone isn’t comfortable with you doing. Even if they might not tell you they don’t like the thing you do (kissing or asking)?
I wouldn’t be turned off. I mean, if she wants to kiss you, you will probably still get a yes.
However, responding to the topic as a whole, I am personally getting a little tired of people trying so damn hard to be politically correct. There actually does, in fact, exist an app that does, in fact, count as legal consent when used before sex. As far as I know, one does not exist as far as permission for one to subject another to the act of kissing. (Sorry for the verbiage, Ambivalid’s bad habits are rubbing off on me and I drank tonight. Woot!) Sorry.
But yeah. Honestly, as a woman, if a woman is into you, you’re not going to fuck up by being cautious. You’re just not going to fuck up period. You could be like, “You know, koalas are aggressive when mating.” And she’d still be like, “Take me now!” If you’re in, you’re in.
Hard truth no one will ever learn and will zoom right over: If you’re out, you’re out. Sorry guys. Friendzone is permanent shit.
Anyways. Getting real here. People aren’t going to expect you to dot the line, show an std test, sign a document, etc if they’re dtf. I mean, developing sympathy skills is epic, and I hope people employ them by making their voices heard at the voting box, etc.
But yeah. Nah. It won’t keep you from getting laid unless you never had a chance in the first place. She gon’ bang you.
I’m male, but think you need consent to kiss a woman. Whether this is a turn off, can’t say. I have had good luck with “I would like to kiss you” and “You look like you would like to kiss me”. I wouldn’t start breaking out paperwork.
“I would like to kiss you” works for me, but “You look like you would like to kiss me” seems odd to me for some reason. Maybe slightly arrogant? I don’t know. If it works, it works, but that’d probably have me scratching my head and wondering what wanting to kiss someone else looks like. Could be I’ve just been married so long that I’m used to having my my husband plant one on me when I’m walking by and saying, “I’m the answer to all your prayers, baby,” then me giggling like a teenager.
Ya know, there is such a thing as personal pride. Males are allowed to decide what is and what is not beneath their dignity.
I’ve been told (rather often) during the year-of-blogging that I’m not different, nothing special or unusual about me, I’m like other males, etc.
Maybe the difference is that I’m not willing to crawl for sex. Yeah, you could always ask for explicit consent before kissing (& etc) and some opportunities would pass you by. You could go beyond that and always make sure there is reciprocal reaching out and atttempt-making and initiative-taking, and perhaps many more opportunities would pass you by. But you’d be on equal footing and could cease to feel like sex is a favor doled out to you by women.
Yeah, this too. Communication isn’t all verbal. Learning the other channels, especially on this subject matter, can take some time and experience. And it’s not just receiving; you learn how to transmit on those channels too. You can ask the explicit question nonverbally.
Back in my dating days, I only encountered one man who asked in so many words if he could kiss me. Reader, I married him. I thought it was incredibly sweet that he asked (though the marriage took place years after that first kiss, I hasten to add).
Other men ran the gamut from shy to more self-assured. I can’t say I preferred one approach over the other. And then there were the pushy, aggressive types who weren’t willing to take no for an answer. They may have felt they were being assertive he-men but they were just jerks.
This entire thread feels a bit like a discussion about subject matter the participants have little experience in. #metoo does not consist of a massively abstract gray area between sexual harassment / rape and normal courtship rituals. Wordlessly moving in for a kiss while on a date because you feel that it might be the right moment is not anywhere near the same thing as whipping your balls out in front of a coworker, taking advantage of a girl who is massively inebriated or “refusing to take no for an answer”.
