If I may parlay a story into the nonsense(oops, sorry I’m gonna anyways). I was married for 5 years to a woman. In the time that I was married she tried to kill me twice(with knives both times). I’m the kind of guy who takes vows and promises very seriously so I forgave and forgot.
Last September on the 21st I caught her fucking a guy in my bedroom. I calmly walked downstairs, couldn't find my pistol(because I'd hidden it from my daughter), and proceded to sleep. This dude was(to me) a friend of mine. I have this habit of trusting someone until they give me reason not to. My neighbors told me, everyone told me that he was visiting my house whilst I was outta town for work.
Anyways, we've been split up well over a year. Everytime I get a new girl, my ex has something tragic happen in her life where she'll just stop by out of the blue and fuck the relationship up. She is the mother of my daughter, so I've tried to value her as such(with respect and all).
I've been going out with a lady for the last 2 months. She's perfect(to/for me). Last week, my ex started calling her and harassing with evil intent. I don't know how she got the number, but she works for a lawyer.
Needless to say, the perfect woman has said she just wants to be friends(not because of me, because of the situation)....How do I fix this? I need this situation cleared. Women? What can I do?
There's much more to this story. I just hit the overview. It's getting ugly.
In our state, you can get an order for protection which includes no harassment by telephone. I’m not sure how you go about doing this. The people I know who needed to do this were women and the local women’s shelter assisted them.
Has your ex ever received psychiatric help? It sounds like she is in desperate need of some sort of treatment.
I could supposedly receive the same protection here. I've given it serious thought. I have a problem with my daugher being raised in that environment. I also have a problem with giving women the 'hell' that some of them deserve. It's not gallant, it's stupid om my part. It's me though. I just need the ex to understand that 'the now' was predicated by 'the past' (our past). It's like, she didn't(doesn't) want me, but wants noone else to have me. It's a living hell. There's much more to the story. I don't want my daughters mother going to jail though. (is that just me?)
Does your ex’s erratic behavior extend to her treatment of your daughter? Did she receive full custody? It could be that it would be in the best interest of your daughter, for you to pursue some sort of legal channel, or possibly to get Social Services involved.
My heart goes out to you. I am in a relationship that, while not violent or as messy as yours, has some similar elements. My s.o.'s ex, who has made it clear that she does not want him, does her best to discourage our relationship and seems to want the same control over him that she had when they were married (which was considerable). Sometimes it is wearying. I can see where this type of behavior would interfere with current relationships.
Her erratic behavior doesn't extend to my daugher, the ex is a good mother(somethin). I have my little girl half of the time. This relationship, while weird(really weird) doesn't affect her. She sees mommy and daddy as friends. Well, I shouldn't have worded it that way, I'm sure it affects her. She's a bright, beautiful, great kid. She's my life. I think what may have happened is that my ex found out that life isn't as easy as she believed. I make an OK amount of money and she had it made. When she went off with 'huge-dick-man' and thought that was was life was about. Then she couldn't pay the bills for the lifestyle she was accustomed to...and I wasn't around for her anymore, ummm she got pissed.
I have no clue, I just want it to be over with. I have a legal separation agreement...I just want her to bide by it. The Law will be involved soon.
Cobravert, your story sounds so much like my husband’s, I’d swear it was him writing it.
Your ex wants to control you, and she can’t handle the fact that someone else might have some say in your life. I’m telling you now that if she doesn’t get some mental help, she will do her best to control you and your family for the rest of your lives. I am SO living this nightmare right now.
Please email me, and I’ll give you some good info, stuff that I’ve gotten from other SDMBers. It’s helped me get a handle on how to deal with my husband’s ex.
The first thing that needs to happen is that you have to try to talk to her. Try to make her realize that you don’t hate her, but things wont work out between the two of you. If she is completely irrational about this then seriously think about getting a restraining order. But also think about how this will effect you and your daughters relationship.
As for women in your life. I think if you found someone who loves you and you think she is perfect, then be absolutly honest with her. A women you can’t tell everything, isn’t the woman for you. Explain your past and what may happen. If there are attempts of abuse on the SO get that restraining order.
You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your relationships and future happiness due to an abusive ex. The one and only priority concerning her should be your daughter. Depending on where you live, dictates your rights to custody of your daughter and how to coerce the arrangement with a restraining order in place.
I would defintly call a lawyer and learn your rights, and find that woman you can be honest with.
I know, I know, I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong… but I have to say this or I won’t respect myself.
She tried to kill you twice and you only have your little girl HALF the time? What happens if she pisses Mommy off? Are you willing to take that chance? Your ex-wife doesn’t sound stable in the least, and personaly, [sub]and this is just my nosey opinion[/sub] I wouldn’t trust her with a puppy.
I’ll mind my own business now, but please keep us updated. Good luck, Cobravert.