Anyone out there have any experience with permanent birth control - tubal ligation and the like?
My curiousity is not related to the procedure itself, but rather what comes after. I’m a 25 year old women, and I know I don’t want to have a kid. For me, there is a distinct difference between birthing a child and being a mom. I remain open to the idea of adoption, merged familes and all that, but I don’t ever want to breed. I have several medical conditions that, while not fatal, I wouldn’t want my child to have to endure. I know that no guaruntees come with adoptions, but I figure if I can control this at least, I should.
Thus, I am contemplating this new method of permanent birth control:
It’s non-surgical (no incisions) and no anesthesia.
But I constantly get the “you’re too young to make such a serious decision” argument.
Anyone out there have regrets after having this done? If you don’t have any kids and you had the procedure, how old were you when you “knew” it was the right thing to do?
Well unlike you I did want children and I have two. I had a tubal ligation when my daughter was born (c-section) and I was 21. Plenty of people told me they thought I was to young. Even the the nurses in the doctors office gave me grief when I asked them about it, but when it came time I stuck to my guns and my husband and I signed the papers to have it done while I was in surgery. My doctor never questioned my decision. I can tell you I have never ever regretted it. I can say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am truly surprised at myself for making it when I was so young. I only wanted two children so I saw no reason not to have it done.
I’m not on any kind of permanent birth control, but I know three separate cases of women who got sterilized, then fell in love with a guy who absolutely wanted kids, and who was willing to take one that was “hers” but not “his”. In two cases, a previous kid who had been left with the father existed and the two stories are real nasty. One of them beats anything ever seen in a soap opera.
I don’t know what your medical conditions are, but I think you should consult a geneticist before making a decision based on that. Most conditions would have a lower than 50% chance of being passed to the kids (they tend to be recessive, meaning the kid would have to get the gene from both you and your partner), and even if the gene passes, it may still need to be activated. My mother has a dominant one that can cause a lot of bone trouble and passed it to one of my bros (so she got 1 in 3), but in his case it’s not active: his bones are just fine. Some conditions are ugly if you get both genes for it but don’t cause any problems if you only have it once (google for thalassemia).
My aunt got her tubes tied shortly after her divorce; she already had two kids and custody of both. She hasn’t had any medical problems related to that procedure, and it’s got the advantage over hormonal methods of not messing up your body chemistry. Second hubby was single and childless, hadn’t expected to meet a wife at his age, was perfectly happy about not having “biological kids of his own”.
Thank you for this information. Perhaps someone can chime in on this one further if I make specific references?
I have endometriosis, which apocryphally is passed down through the generations. We have a history of horendous gyno issues, and two of three of the generation preceeding mine have had to have hysterectomies. I wouldn’t wish this condition on my worst enemy let alone my daughter.
The second, and more concerning condition for me is mental illness. We have a serious maternal side manifestation of mental disorders, which we can track back only as far as my great grandmother, but which has manifested in terrifying extremes in my grandmother, aunts, mother and now a cousin. So far, we seem to all share atypical depression, which I know can be treated with meds effectively, but my cousin is now bi-polar. Having suffered from the illness myself, and after my psych told me it was a genetic occurence, I decided it has to stop once and for all. We have 3 (at least) generations of women with this condition, and I’m not willing to pass it on to another. FYI, it isn’t exclusive to the women apparently, but not a lot of men in the family.
If you’re sure you don’t want children, then it will be a big load off your mind to have a permanent procedure done. I’ve had a regular tubal ligation, but, even though I’m pro-choice etc., everything just seemed much normal and relaxed after being sterilized. So if you’re sure, then good luck to you!
The abortion issue is one that moves me to have this done as well. I’m pro choice, but I have this nagging feeling that if push came to shove, I wouldn’t be able to make the choice to end a pregnancy. Note that I don’t think there is anything wrong with abortions, I just don’t know if I could chose that option. So, I’d rather not have to make the decision. In the past I’ve been fastidious about birth control but now I have developed an intolerance to hormonal birth control that exacerbates my pain. That leaves, best as I can tell, barrier methods, which I don’t fully trust.
From a relatively young age (somewhere in my late teens), I’d decided that my cut-off age for having a child was to be 35. I got married at 25 and shortly into that marriage, I realized that having a child wasn’t going to happen (for reasons that really aren’t important to the OP’s question). I remained on birth control throughout the ten years of that marriage. I got divorced when I was 35 and since I wasn’t in any hurry to rush back into another relationship and because I didn’t want to continue taking birth control/hormones and, most importantly, I had reached that cut-off age, I had my tubes tied. The only physical change I can think of was that my periods resumed their normal 24-day cycle (my periods had become virtually non-existant during the last few years of taking birth control pills) and I have had a few more instances of bad cramping, though that might be a side-effect of aging.
Do I regret it? No.
If I’d been married to my current husband all those years ago, it would have been different, I’m certain.
I had known from the time I was a small child that I didn’t want to be a mother. I got pregnant and had a child when I was 22, and while I love my daughter very much, she wasn’t in my life plan. A couple of years later, at 24, I was finally able to get a doctor to agree to perform a tubal ligation on me. I’d gotten pregnant three times in two years (once on the Pill, once using foam and condoms together, and once with an IUD in place) and I was tired of getting pregnant and having miscarriages. I do not regret my tubal, and I only wish that I’d been able to get it earlier.
Some women do need to take their time about deciding on permanent birth control. Others of us know that we don’t want kids, or we don’t want to reproduce, ever. Only you know what’s right for you. If you think that you really, really don’t want to pass on your genes, then my advice is to find a doctor who will perform the operation for you. You’ll be much happier and much less stressed.
I had a tubal at 27 and it remains one of the best decisions I ever made. I don’t carry babies well and didn’t want any more miscarriages, so after the nerve-wracking gestation of my 2nd child, I had my tubes tied 12 hours after his birth.
As fate would have it, I work OB/GYN on many tubals, so email me with specific questions. None of the docs at my hospital use the Essure so far, but I’ll ask them why that is…
Please do ask them, Cyn , and please post the answers.
I am 39, and know I do not ever want to have a child. I would have had my tubes tied long ago, but seem to have inherited a difficulty with anesthesia (and even local anasthetics). I have never had general and am afraid of what would happen if I did, based on what happens to my father when they try to put him out. We have very similar allergies and physical reactions to locals.
I am very interested in what the doctors you work with have to say about the Essure procedure.
I’m 35 years old I had a laparoscopic tubal about 3 years ago. I have one daughter, but knew I didn’t want any more children after that - also was having side effects from the bc pills, usually migraines.
The tubal was pretty easy, I had a little pain the first couple days but was fine within 4 days. My OB who did the procedure said that it’s not reversable because the “rubber bands” they use didn’t work on me - I think she said my tubes were too “fat” so she had to cut them with a laser & cauterize.
Since then, I’ve been much more relaxed, and my cycles have organized themself into something regular and not nearly as painful.
Unfortunately, Himself (my boyfriend) hasn’t ever had a child, but he knew about the tubal when we started dating. He’s confessed to occasionally being a little disappointed that he probably won’t have any of his own, but I expect that’s normal.
Don’t know if this “helps” any, but that’s my experience.
Thank you everyone for your replies. I’m amazed how many women on this board have had a procedure done! I’m still hoping someone with Essure done will chime in.
My greatest fear is that the certainty I feel now will change when I hit my thirties. I’ve heard that women go through a period at that age where they feel a strong instict to have children. Then again, I think that if that was my ONLY reason for having a child, it would be the wrong decision.
I’m not on the verge of doing it any time soon. Still holding out for a long term partner who is sterilized or willing to get the big v,
Nonetheless, I want to learn all I can, so when I do make my decision, I’m informed and it’s not a rash one.
Cyn, I’d be interested to hear anything you find out about the Essure.
Rebekkah, based on what you described, it sounds like tube ligation may be the best option. If it feels right, go for it. With modern techniques it can be reversed if you later get information that makes you feel confident enough to have a biological child (although in the US that would probably cost an eye, a kidney and half of your liver). And you will have your ova, they can be extracted and used for in vitro.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that abortion should not be treated as a “birth control method”. My own standing on abortion is that it’s not “choice” unless you have other options available; these other options must include real birth control methods, adoption, keeping the child (i.e., I find it terribly inmoral to have a medical insurance policy which pays for abortion but not for the pill, ligation, delivery or neonatal care). Abortion should be an extreme resource, not something that’s forced on you through economics or something along the lines of “bah, if I get prego I’ll just ditch it”.
I do hope the best for you; may you find a wonderful, wonderful man (or a wonderful, wonderful life without one) and a lot of people to love.
Not sure if you can answer this, but If I have blocked tubes, does that affect a pregnancy in any way? Also, to clarify, having a tubal doesn’t affect your eggs?
I can’t imagine an insurance policy that would cover the abortion but not anything else! This must be a US thing. My health insurance, as far as I know, covers me for all those options. I guess the idea here would be that if you never have a kid, you’ll never have a dependant who might claim under the policy. Bah. That’s ridiculous.
Most insurance covers BC now–there was a time when it didn’t.
Have your tried an IUD? IMO (and it’s just an opinion), you are too young to get snipped.
See, I just know too many people who did get the vasectomy or the TL and then regretted it horribly once they were in their thirties.
Norplant? IUD(I loved mine).
My hx, in order of usage–condoms(not reliable enough for me); diaphragm/sponge (ugh, yuck and no thank you),
Pill–made me hate sex, gain weight;
IUD–lighter periods and no worries!;
4 pregnancies, 3 births, 1 abortion–never mind, Nava --I am not going there with you;
and finally my tubes tied.
I am 42, married.
I had my last child when I was 36, first when I was 27. Alot can happen between 26 and 36.
Talk with your gyne about your endometriosis–I am not up on gyne stuff, but there are treatments available that can help.
I have not tried an IUD. The research I’ve done indicates that they raise your period level. Since my doctor would prefer me not to have a period at all to lesson the chance of worsening endometriosis, this really doesn’t seem a feasable option. I considered Mirena, which doesn’t do this, but it has progesterone, and progesterone has been causing me pain.
I agree with you that condoms aren’t reliable enough. I’ve never tried the diaphram, but I have been told that you need to use it with spermicide, and thanks to my ridculously vagina, I can’t use that. Sigh. The pill made me get repeated ovarian cysts. Progesteron only made me double over in pain. Ugh. I have to think, what’s the point spending 20 more years trying not to get pregnant when I don’t want to carry a child anyway? If I so desperatly want a child later in life, I could always adopt. In fact, I would prefer this to having my own child anyway.
I wonder if marriage changes your mind about children. I know that I’m just a young woman still, and I’ve never been in a very serious relationship. My longest was 3 years, and I knew I wouldn’t be hanging around there forever.
Oh, Eleanorigby, been there done that! I’ve seen so many doctors I could hold an open house down there, I’m so blase about it now. Hell, more doctors have seen me naked than partners. I’ve spent so many years battling this condition that I now get annoyed when the doctor wants to leave the room to allow me the privacy to strip down to my skivvies. For me, my view is drop trou and get the damn thing over with. If actually considered starting an “Ask a Woman with Gyne Problems” thread, since I’ve been there, done it all.
Film, have you heard about the scalpeless vasectomy? It’s MUCH easier on the man than the old kind, from what I’ve heard, and I’m not sure about the US, but here in Canada it is a $400 procedure, no anaesthesia, and takes 20 minutes: http://www.engenderhealth.org/wh/fp/cnsv.html#What
Not sure what a traditional v. costs though.
If you do decide to get Essure done, or learn anything more about it, I would more than appreciate anything you care to share