Women - How much of a pain are male non-acquaintances?

[lorene]

@Dogzilla

It did. I said I thought that was benign and it didn’t bother me.

ETA: This interaction took place while I was standing right at the prescription counter at the drugstore. You know, where there’s lots of security cameras and other people milling about. That guy was harmless. Now, had he waited in the parking lot for me and didn’t take no for an answer, that would be a different story. But that’s not what happened here.

Right, but people in the thread are assuming that he absolutely was hitting on you (and/or that this type of conversation = hitting on them), and the examples escalated to the point where even this exchange wouldn’t be seem as benign. In this case (social conversation in a non-social place), we don’t know his intent.

How do we know that he wasn’t looking to find good places to run in town? Or to invite you to his running club? Or, yes, to ask you out.

@Dogzilla

I think the difference has a lot to do with the tenor of a conversation.

In the example I gave upthread, the guy who approached me straight up admitted he’d been looking at my body and thought I was an athlete. (I am athletic, but that doesn’t mean I’m a runner.) So that was my red flag: He is only interested in my body. Because he didn’t ask my name. He didn’t care who I am. He just wanted to comment on my body. And he was fairly nonthreatening about it, but still. That was objectifying, which by definition is dehumanizing. That doesn’t necessarily mean the experience was traumatic for me and now I’m afraid of the CVS. That’s not the case at all.

But I can tell from the initial approach – when I’m in a socially appropriate setting for strangers to be approaching one another, like in a bar – if the person is interested in me as a human being or if he just wants to fuck.

And this is where I guess the YMMV comes in. I’ve had guys comment on what I’m wearing or ask me if I work out, and it didn’t necessarily equate to “let’s fuck” even if it was about my appearance. I guess we all read the intent through our own experiences, but sometimes “Have you tried this type of cheese? Is it any good?” in the grocery store is really just about cheese.

[even_sven]

@astro

Just as a heads up the upshot of that “experiment” was that it’s very difficult to get actual public “catcalls” except in a very narrow context where you have a population of underemployed or unemployed men hanging out on public sidewalks in densely populated urban areas. Other than drunk groups of men outside of bar, nightclub or party venues the whole notion that there is some substantial population of men hooting and hollering at women walking in public is absurd. Outside of the aforesaid contexts the chances of a woman walking down a public street in the US getting random cat call shout outs is very tiny bordering on infinitesimal.

Because, of course, all women and girls are rich and live in upscale areas.

[mo50]

Dogzilla, with the utmost respect, and not doubting your intuition, but the guy may in fact want to have sex with you AND get to know you, razy as that sounds. Some guys may just be more subtle and tactful about it than others! :smack:

[mo50]

(Sorry, doing this on my phone, missed the c in “crazy”)

[Fallen]

@astro

Just as a heads up the upshot of that “experiment” was that it’s very difficult to get actual public “catcalls” except in a very narrow context where you have a population of underemployed or unemployed men hanging out on public sidewalks in densely populated urban areas. Other than drunk groups of men outside of bar, nightclub or party venues the whole notion that there is some substantial population of men hooting and hollering at women walking in public is absurd. Outside of the aforesaid contexts the chances of a woman walking down a public street in the US getting random cat call shout outs is very tiny bordering on infinitesimal.

I’ve no idea from where you’re plucking your perceptions or facts (or “facts”) to be in a position to declare these things. To be sure, if you’re in small-town America, chance may be something approaching “infinitesimal” when it comes to cat-calling and other forms of sexual harassment ('cause there’s little or no anonymity there, and most women have a male relative that might grind the relatively easy to find offender’s nose into the asphalt after being told about the incident). I’m afraid you’re kidding yourself about the limited scenario view, but it is more likely when there’s more than one man around (something to do with the pack mentality), e.g., anyplace near a construction site.

[Lamia]

@astro

Just as a heads up the upshot of that “experiment” was that it’s very difficult to get actual public “catcalls” except in a very narrow context where you have a population of underemployed or unemployed men hanging out on public sidewalks in densely populated urban areas. Other than drunk groups of men outside of bar, nightclub or party venues the whole notion that there is some substantial population of men hooting and hollering at women walking in public is absurd. Outside of the aforesaid contexts the chances of a woman walking down a public street in the US getting random cat call shout outs is very tiny bordering on infinitesimal.

Well then, I must be a statistical anomaly. Do you have a cite for this study? I’d be very interested to read it.

[mo50]

Read a Slate (I think) article recently relating to this, saying that overt street sexual harassment most often occurs in poor minority neighborhoods, but harassment from white men is often more subtle and occurs in the corporate world.

[even_sven]

@mo50

Read a Slate (I think) article recently relating to this, saying that overt street sexual harassment most often occurs in poor minority neighborhoods, but harassment from white men is often more subtle and occurs in the corporate world.

And of course, let’s not forget, women live in poor minority neighborhoods. Do they not count?

[JackieLikesVariety]

@JcWoman

A timely post over at Captain Awkward about this exact thing: #685: “Quit touching!”: A review – CaptainAwkward.com

and remember, good people don’t want to freak you out or make your skin crawl

so true!

[KarlGrenze]

@even_sven

And of course, let’s not forget, women live in poor minority neighborhoods. Do they not count?

Yes, this needs to be repeated…

Or perhaps is their perception that the woman they would catcall (if they did such thing) would conform to a type not found in minority neighborhoods (untrue as well).

[Cartooniverse]

@Anaamika

The CVS line getting cold medicine is not a good place for example.

Busted me up laughing, this did !!

" Mmmmmmm…mucous running down your chin…mmmmmm…so, want to hit up a late-night macrobiotic organic allergy clinic with me or something?.. "