I consider “cougar” to be like “bitch”, in that it’s used both admiringly and disparagingly, but using it positively is usually defiant and ironic.
As for whether it’s “normal” for middle-aged women to date younger guys, well… yes and no. IMO, just the fact that we’re having this discussion seems to indicate that it still raises some eyebrows. Of course, one could say the same for 40 year old men dating 25 year old women. It may be held up as some sort of cultural standard, but in real life, people point and snicker at them, too.
My real world experience is that 40 year old women may “date” young men, but they don’t tend to really take them seriously as “relationship material”. I assume that’s partly because of “what will people think”, but it’s also largely that the very young tend to be… well, boring. (No offense to the very young, it’s not their fault.)
So, when I was 28, the sexy older ladies stayed with the older, wealthier men. Now that I’m 38, the MILFs and Cougars are pursuing the guys in their 20’s.
Great.
And I haven’t really heard either of those terms used in a way that I’d consider positive.
Oredigger, your question about why anyone would hate being called a MILF is, in itself, offensive to some. There are many who would ask how could it ever NOT be considered offensive.
I’m the first to admit I’m one of those immature younger guys (26) but I am simply missing where the offence comes from. I don’t think MILFs are necessarily older ladies they simply have to be mothers. I just got through telling my buddy’s wife, who is currently in labor, that she will soon be a MILF.
I guess I can understand the objectification angle but from that point of view thinking that you would want to have sex with anyone is wrong. Unless is simply the abbreviation of the word Fuck that makes is offensive which I get but disagree with.
I originally asked because I can see where the term cougar could be offensive though I don’t think it always is (the Jane Seymour example above). I don’t see MILF being anywhere near that level of possible insult. I see it more on the level of a crude way of saying hot. If the offence is simply coming from the crudeness I guess I can see it.
MILF - Offensive because some of us prefer being called “lovely” rather than “sexy”. We don’t want you to drool when you see us, our sexuality is none of your business.
Cougar - If she’s 40 and her profile says she’s looking in the 24-40 range, she’s open minded. If it says she’s looking in the 18-28 range, she’s a cougar. It’s that top number you have to watch out for.
I think that Cougars are largely just women looking for an uncomplicated sexual relationship. Some men go after married women for the same reasons. I don’t find it personally attractive as a lifestyle, but as long as both partners are over 18 I don’t see anything “wrong” with it.
It seems to me that most of my friends have been freed from the old need to look for a wealthy man, both because they’ve made their own financial security, and because they don’t intend to have more children. We don’t need a man to bring us money. So from there it becomes a matter of character - what is the next most important role for him to fill? Companionship? (that’s me) Sexual partner? (A Cougar) Social status giver? (I know one or two of these, still insecure despite their success and looking for a “Name” or “Title” that will make them feel improtant.)
Full disclosure: The Celtling’s Dad is 10 years younger than I am, and I took a lot of teasing about that - until my friends met him. Then they realized he was 29 going on 50 and let me alone about it. (When the responsibility of parenting hit he reverted to a sullen 17-year-old, but that’s another story . . .)
Missed the edit window:
MILF - Offensive because some of us prefer being called “lovely” rather than “sexy”. We don’t want you to drool when you see us, our sexuality is none of your business. And we don’t like the word “F#ck”, it doesn’t describe anything we’re interested in doing. You might as well say “Mother I’d Like to Rape” for all the interest it shows in us as human beings.
Cougar - If she’s 40 and her profile says she’s looking in the 24-40 range, she’s open minded. If it says she’s looking in the 18-28 range, she’s a cougar. It’s that top number you have to watch out for.
I think that Cougars are largely just women looking for an uncomplicated sexual marathon. When you think of a Cougar encounter there should definitely be Gatorade in the room somewhere. She’s lookin young because she values endurance over technique. I don’t find it personally attractive as a lifestyle, but as long as both partners are over 18 I don’t see anything “wrong” with it.
Social Science: It seems to me that most of my friends have been freed from the old need to look for a wealthy man, both because they’ve made their own financial security, and because they don’t intend to have more children. We don’t need a man to bring us money. So from there it becomes a matter of character - what is the next most important role for him to fill? Companionship? (that’s me) Sexual partner? (A Cougar) Social status giver? (I know one or two of these, still insecure despite their success and looking for a “Name” or “Title” that will make them feel improtant.)
I’m not sure the research on this really applies - it was more aimed toward younger women and choice of life-mate than older woman choosing a date.
Full disclosure: The Celtling’s Dad is 10 years younger than I am, and I took a lot of teasing about that - until my friends met him. Then they realized he was 29 going on 50 and let me alone about it. (When the responsibility of parenting hit he reverted to a sullen 17-year-old, but that’s another story . . .)
And if she’s looking in the 24-55 range, she’s either lying or dangerously unbalanced. :dubious:
But companionship and sexuality are all mixed up with male alpha-qualities. A lot less women want a man for a companion if he doesn’t measure up to socially received standards like handyness, upper body development, and possessing at least moderate amounts of ego.
I never understood the concept of a MILF. Forget positive or negative, how is it even something and not nothing? It seem like it has to do with age, but I cant figure out why. There are moms I want to fuck of all ages. There are even moms who are too *young* to fuck. And I dont mean 14 year old child moms - plenty of people still have kids at 20. Young to be a parent but not obscenely so. I don`t really want to have sex with 20-year-olds whether they’re moms or not.
So if there are many moms younger, the same age, and older than an average adult male, why do we need a term MILF? Surely it’s not about age. Is it that men subconsciously want to do their mom? I really don’t get it.
I can’t speak for people outside of myself but I don’t want to have sex with any mothers no matter what their age because it’s not worth the complications. Heck if it’s a one night stand and she brings up that she is a mother I’m weirded out enough that she brought it up that its likely to end there. I use the term as hot enough to overcome a fairly major problem.
As for general usage it came from the movie American Pie and in that case it was surprising that the mom was very good looking unlike the rest of your friends mothers. This made her more then just another mom she was a MILF.
I don’t have any urge to do my mom and I hope I don’t know any one who wants to. I would think that question was the equivalent of asking if cougars want to do their sons.
I don’t know if it originated with American Pie, but the idea there was that a friend’s mom who was still hot and sexual was extraordinary. I’m not a fan of the term, both for its ageism and because it seems to have become something to strive for: Sure you fed all the kids, went to the office, drove them to soccer practice and school, did your taxes, volunteered, read a book, then put the kids to bed with your loving husband – but does the pre-pubescent fuckwit down the street want to have 10-second sex with you? No? You’re not doing it right.
No, I was joking about that last question. I mean, it wasn`t really supposed to be funny but I wasn’t serious either. I just don’t see the ageism. Being a mom is usually a life long commitment and plenty of people start very young. So there are plenty of totally fuckable moms of all ages.
Is what I’m missing that the “mom” in MILF is defined along the lines of your own mom’s age? A MILF is a mom who is hot but old enough to be your mom? That seems strange to me. If I were going to define a quintessential mom (or dad) they’d be the parent of a 0-12 year old, so really just a bit older than me and not at all remarkable in terms of age.
Again based on the move I would say the mom would be of a high schooler. Like I said I don’t really use it that way and I think common usage has broadened as well for exactly the reason you stated. If anything I think that Cat Fight is probably closer to the current definition aside from the ageism.
But I don’t see how saying that a woman is able to do all the things that are required of a mother and still finds time to look attractive is a bad thing.
