Bullshit. People will treat you how you demand to be treated. “Wanna grab a drink sometime?” is not “I’m madly in love with you, take me and do as you will with me.”
Anyone who thinks you aren’t hard enough to get is someone who only wants what they can’t have. No makin’ *them *happy.
And there are a lot of them out there. I’m just saying…
Who cares how many there are, if you don’t want one?
For the record, this is bullshit.
I suspect most people, man or woman, appreciate the objects of their interest making a first move. Hell, in many cases, I imagine it makes their day (if they already were interested).
I’m most likely going to give it a whirl (I’m a girl!) this evening! Look out T.R.!
If its in a bar, chances are that on walking in I have mentally assessed who is attractive to me. If after a time a woman surprises me by making the first move its probably because I have noticed her already decided am not into her.
I always prefer to make the first move. Just saying.
Not sure if this is exactly right or where it came from but, there’s a quote similar to this: The guy goes on a date wondering if he’ll get to sleep with the woman; the woman already knows. A bit silly, but accurate, perhaps?
That would go for anyone though - it’s not something that’s only applicable to men.
Exactly. I usually make the first move for pretty much the same reason. Like I said before, if you’re shopping for something, you don’t stand in the middle of the store and wait for it to come to you. That said, I’ve been pleasantly surprised on a number of occasions when a guy approached me who I hadn’t noticed, and it’s like “Oooh, where did YOU come from?”
So the question is, if the woman ***is ***otherwise attractive to you, is the simple fact that she approached you first a turnoff?
I can think of one: for a woman, rejection can be a lot worse because the conventional wisdom of our society is that a man will date/consider having sex with anything that isn’t entirely hideous, while women are capricious and fickle and picky. This isn’t, of course, even remotely true, but it is a widely held mis-perception.
Being rejected for a woman (esp. a woman who buys into the whole “single men are horndogs who’d fuck a pile of rocks if they thought it had a rattlesnake under it” idea) feels like being branded a freak of nature–something a man won’t have sex with/be seen with. Rejection for men does not carry the same burden-the woman could just be a bitch, or involved, or not in the mood. It’s possible to just not be her type, and still be an attractive person.
This view of the world is incorrect. Men can be as picky and capricious as women. However, many women buy into it to some degree, and it creates a crippling fear of rejection.
It doesn’t even always mean asking him out on a DATE. I think I have instigated most of my relationships simply by making it as clear as I possibly could that I was interested, and they reciprocated. I tend to be a fairly confident extroverted girl and I like introverted, reserved guys, so it’s often incumbent on me to make some kind of first move.
Just asking is a little hard sometimes, I admit, but there other ways. I mean, if he sas “X movie is really good,” it’s easy to jump in there and say “I’d love to see it with you sometime.”
If you’re interested, make a move!
In theory, it should be the same for women to ask out men as vice versa.
In practice, I would never, ever do it. I’m just relieved I don’t have to, it sounds scary and I have some problem with expressing stuff like that and making myself vulnerable (men I’m involved with are always telling me I don’t act like I like them, even when I think I’m making it clear). So obviously, asking someone out doesn’t let you maintain a facade of aloofness and nonchalance and that makes me uncomfortable.
However, I realize all these things could be true of a man too, so I should probably just get over my issues and do it anyway like some men must do. However again, I won’t.
Well, I was more just musing about the topic, but in my particular situation, we’ve both suggested hanging out ‘at some point’ and have circled around the idea, so it’s just a matter of which one will come up with something specific first. And oh, yes, I’ve definitely flirted and get the impression that the feeling is mutual…We shall see. I personally don’t have a problem making the first move as long as it feels right.
But I’m always interested in seeing how and why people think a certain way. 
Not really, they seem to be avoiding me, or at least avoiding being alone with me long enough for me to ask a question like that. It’s so awkward now, we’re all pretending like we never hung out.
I totally understand what you’re saying about expectations, but with the most recent case, I made it explicitly clear that I was just in it to have some fun and am not up for anything serious.
Well, personally I have no desire to appear aloof to someone I’m interested in. But just because you make the first move, that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to hit it off or that you’re sending some signal that says “I’m yours”. I mean, asking someone out doesn’t automatically mean you will like them, it just means you’re interested in finding out.
However, I say do whatever your comfort level allows (and maybe push it a little past your comfort level, honestly), but if you have no desire to be the one to make the first move, then you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it.
Oh, thank you. This is the perfect reply the next time some guy says to me, “Whaddya mean, you don’t date much? You could get any guy you want!”
Um. No. I can’t. See also: What Manda Jo just said. Not saying I’m crippled by fear of rejection, just that men say no, too. Not every or any guy wants me. It most certainly does work both ways.
I have never had things go well when I was the aggressor, not once. (I’m a female.) Men are wired to chase. If he’s interested, he’ll pursue me. If he doesn’t - he’s not that interested. My husband is the shyest man on the planet (I’m talking “on medication for Social Anxiety Disorder” shy here) and he somehow found the guts to call me. If he can do it, so can other guys.
What woman would WANT a guy who is so wimpy that he needs someone to take the “pressure” off of him by being the aggressor? What else is he not going to be able to handle if they hook up and build a life together?
What guy would WANT a woman who’s such a delicate flower she needs him to take all the pressure off her by being the aggressor? What else is she not going to be able to handle if they hook up and build a life together?
Allow me to be the first to welcome you to 2010. Take off your corset, stay awhile.