I think it’s natural for anyone to have erotic fantasies about anyone else. Healthy, even. And those fantasies may be better (depending on one’s mood) if they involve someone you know, rather than an “ideal,” such as a model or movie star. The actual interaction you have with a co-worker or neighbor makes the fantasy more accessible. Again, normal, even healthy.
That being said, if I’m engaged in conversation with a female co-worker (and two of the women I work with are attractive, and have nice personalities), I don’t fantasize about them on the spot. As I think this thread demonstrates, women sense it, and it makes them uncomfortable. And I don’t want anyone thinking I’m creepy, especially if I like them and want to continue good relations with them.
At the same time, I often will find myself appreciating how attractive is the woman I’m speaking with. It is not erotic, it involves no fantasy (in fact, it’s totally grounded in reality), and it makes me like that person more.
Fantasise all you like. I don’t mind. Just don’t make lewd comments (well, not excessively lewd), don’t leer or drool. And be aware that if you grab me, I will kick your face clean off your head. And no pictures without asking. Sheesh.
I fantasize about women I know extremely rarely. I’ve been working in my current office for three and a half years, for instance, and I’ve never fantasized about a co-worker. (And there are some very good-looking women here, too.)
This really hasn’t been a personal choice, or anything I can take credit for. Some subterranean layer of my being seems to have decided, a long time ago, that that was the way it was. It seems to have something to do with a sense that such fantasies would get in the way of seeing women in my life as they really are, rather than as my creatively dirty mind might imagine them to be.
It’s not that I don’t fantasize, but rather that the women of my fantasies are mostly constructs, figments of my imagination. They’re a pretty lively bunch, though.
One always hesitates to admit to having erotic thoughts about someone other than your SO, but I guess it’s part and parcel about being an animal. Not meaning that in a derogatory sense, but as a biological fact: a human being is still an animal, with all the attendant hard-wired urges pertaining thereof…
ooooooh…I just LOVE it when you talk dirty!! Come here, you animal, you…
ahem
I don’t have a lot of fantasies about my co-workers, but there are times when the mood hits, so to speak. I can converse with Lady X and not have any urges whatsoever, despite her having a truly knock-out body. Yet every once in a while, she (or another lady) could be standing just right…say, in front of a window, with the outline of her body highlighted…or I just happen to catch the sway of her hips as she walks past…the smallest thing can sometimes set it off, and I find myself fantasizing about her.
In my defense (shaddup), that usually turns into a truly delightful evening with my fiance…WEG…
[minor hijack]…which makes me wonder if my lady can tell if I have been fantasizing about someone else…hmmmmm…[/minor hijack]
auntie em, your stalker sounds like a real piece of work. Are you sure he’s got two women clamoring after him, or is that some bullshit he made up just so he can impress you with what a ladies man :rolleyes: he is? If it is true, well then them ladies really need to have their heads examined for putting up with him cheating on them! At any rate, I’d say watch your step with him. He sounds like bad news.
I’m really enjoying the responses to this thread. It’s quite educational. Please keep sharing.
Just the thought that any of my coworkers have fantasies about me sends me into fits of uncontrolled laughter!! No way in the world. Not even the guy I blatantly flirt at - he and I have had this running banter for YEARS, but if I thought he was visualizing me in that way, I’d have a stroke from the hilarity. As for me thinking naughty thoughts about any of them - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Now, that’s not to say that I don’t admire random strangers in the mall or at Home Depot or at the marina… mmmm, sailors in khaki shorts… And there have been some men who, had I been single and younger, well, all bets woulda been off. But in normal, everyday life, I don’t fantasize. I’m a mom - I’ve got too much to do!
Fantasize? Yeah, ok, not ever while I’m talking to someone, that would be rude. But afterwards, damn skippy! I mean, you know how some geeks use all their free cycles for the SETI Screensaver, trying to advance the human race? Yeah, we got the SEX Screensaver, it advances the human race too:
** [Forebrain] ** Conversation ending, stand down the charm!
** [Midbrain] ** Charm standing downnn…
** [Forebrain]** Cease the wit!
** [Midbrain]** Wit standing downnn…
** [Aftbrain]** Hey, I’m back! Didja notice those child-bearing hips? She’s Duncan Donuts – Time to make the babies! Midbrain, do your thing!
** [Midbrain]** Launching Cheerleader’s of Mud Volume Fourrrrr…
Yeps to ** toaster **, I worry about the guys that can’t converse without the cinema in their mind spinning, and of course, those guys that claim to have evolved past it all!
Here are some responses to your responses:
FairyChatMom, Hello Again, I Got It, Tansu, Zebra, Toaster52, SuperLorie, some others - Thank you.
Ferrous - yeah, I thought twice about giving our secrets away, but...
Duke - it's unfortunate that you are offended by other people's thoughts. I make no apologies for mine.
Celestina - I love you.
My intent here was to find out about people’s fantasies (or lack thereof) about others that they encounter on a regular basis. I have learned quite a bit.
This is true, Firefly, and I hadn’t thought to mention it. I’m glad you did. The human mind is an amazing thing, allowing us to put that hair on this head, and those hips with that waist and these breasts. And to make them as lively as we want!
Not to play armchair psychologist, or anything…well, okay, I’m playing armchair pyschologist, so sue me. But for married/monogamist men, this kind of fantasy may be “safest” in that, since it’s not a real woman, the guilt at “cheating” (albeit in the mind) may be reduced. YMMV.
I also neglected to mention, although it’s rather interesting, that I often fantasize about my wife as well. Hey, at least I have the possibility of making those fantasies come true.
Dr. Lao said: “Just don’t ask him what he’s thinking.”
LOL! You know, after I posted that, I did wonder what exactly he was thinking of. Obviously, he has no clue what I really look like so how could he fantasize about lil ol’ me? I mean, if he comes up with a construct, it would be interesting to see how he pictures me. Hmmm. [giggle] Treebeard, would you care to enlighten me as to what you were thinking about when you said: “I love you” to me? Were you actually thinking naughty thoughts, or were you just being sweet like I thought? Dr. Lao, would you care to tell me if you were thinking naughty thoughts as well? Don’t be scared now. I’m always amazed at how quickly fellas get set to run away when I ask them simple questions. And after all, this is in the interests in furthering our understanding of the complex male mind.
I think you are hanging around with the wrong fellas. I wasn’t thinking naughty thoughts just then, but that shouldn’t lead you to believe that I never do. I can with the best of them. Just not while I am right there talking with someone. And not with every attractive woman I see. I do think there is a difference between admirering a woman’s figure and mentally constructing an erotic fantasy starring her.
Eh, peripherally. As long as they don’t tell me about them in graphic detail, or let them interfere with their ability to interact with me IRL, I don’t particularly care. (If a guy does either, it means he’s a creep to begin with.)
I work from home
But, when I worked in various cube farms, there were certain times that I would see a woman and have a brief fantasy. Erotic, yes, intense, not really.
The few times that the fantasy was more than a momentary (if not enjoyable) experience, it turned out that there was more than just the obvious physical attrraction. For instance, an Analyst I used to work with evidently rang my bells, at the time I was living with a gilrfriend and it never went past my mind’s eye. When she left for a different company she told me that she wished we could have seen more of each other. (Sigh)
Anyway, it seems my personal wiring has the fantasy element, but there needs to be true attraction with some returned as well (however sublimated it may be), before it goes to the level of ‘intense’.
Oh yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever had a fantasy while interacting with a woman at work, it always seemed to be after whatever was going on had finished. Can’t say if that is instinctive or trained myself to focus on the work, though…
