Well, the first part sounds okay, especially if it’s the dungeon where Branwen the Bodacious and Tanookie the Tantalizing are waiting. And, if miapiace the Magnificent joined us…yeeHA! Now, that would be a party!
But, only if you ask me nicely.
Sharply, yes. How ironic, since that’s exactly how I dealt with your rubbery minions.
Yes, I know this was a rhetorical question. I even copied that part. But, answering rhetorical questions is one my most…umm…endearing characteristics.
Yes, one generally does just fall in love with people at random. It would be weird to plan to fall in love with someone. Of course, it’s not purely random, either. There’s generally some kind of connection there, before love occurs. But, there is always love at first sight.
TLDR, but my thought from the first post is that the OP might be gay or something. Every guy I’ve been with has been into the whole thing. Not sure, but I thought most guys were turned on by the smell of a woman?
Hmmm… I didn’t plan to fall in love with my husband. I was in a horrible relationship at the time and I had decided all men were jerks. Then he just tipped my whole world upside down.
He’s also the only man I have willingly had sex with. He’s never tried to hurt me or force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. In return I’ve discovered there are a lot of things I really like about sex. Could I do any of it with someone other than him? Good lord no!!! Anyway my point is a certain amount of emotional investment in the relationship certainly improved things for me. YMMV. Tax, title, license and registration not included.
So, you’re seriously suggesting chastity is an alternative? Not that I find that so unbelievable of impossible, but I don’t think I’ve heard someone seriously suggest it for a very long time. How many non-reliegious conservatives actually take up that standard?
All these sexual problems amaze me. I find it simply wonderful. I like the tastes, smells, and all that jazz. The after cunnilingus kiss is fabulous, all good. I feel badly for those who cannot enjoy it.
I’m not religious at all and I wouldn’t have casual sex. I’m female which does give me a different viewpoint on the whole issue but I’d like to think I’m not the only person who doesn’t want to jump into bed with someone “just because.”
Well, define “casual.” I once started a thread where I asked people what they considered to be an “appropriate” number of dates before having sex with someone. There didn’t seem to be a clear consensus.
Don’t take this the wrong way **tanookie[/b[, but I have long wondered whether I should accept advice from married people on relationship-type issues with a grain of salt. After all, they are not the ones sleeping alone at night. One could say that being married proves that someone knows somehting about relationships, because they convinced another to marry and stay married to them. Possibly. Or they could just be lucky.
Well in my case I am very lucky. And I know it. I wasn’t always married though! And I met a lot of crappy guys who only wanted sex. I’m not saying this is an awful thing but it didn’t mesh with what I wanted. Sleeping with someone who means nothing to you is sleeping alone to me. Again … it is a big big world and I’d hardly expect everyone to do things my way… people need to do what works for them.
I’m not sure what I know about relationships in general although I have an uncanny ability to look at a couple and see if they are destined to fail or not. I am an expert on my own relationship though and it works very well
True story… went with hubby to a work function and met two coworkers of his who were blissfully giving tours of their new place they just rented together. On the way home I asked him why everyone was so snowed by the chick … she was obviously phony as hell. About a month or two later it was discovered she had been cheating on her guy for quite some time. I never tell the couples they are screwed… only my husband… and I’ve yet to be wrong.
Oh and we dated for a year before we had sex with eachother.
Okay I will jump in here. I WAS married and now I sleep alone at night…here is the deal. I would prefer sleeping alone at night to sleeping with someone I don’t love. As a matter of fact, I think this came up in another thread, sometimes I am kind of cold about wanting the guy to go home so I can sleep in the middle of my big bed. Yet, I have been in love and in those cases, I never want it to end.
I haven’t chosen chastity, but…I have gotten more and more selective as time goes on. Even when I find a guy to date, it takes a while before I jump into bed because if I find out he is a jerk, then I wil be glad I didn’t sleep with him. If I find out he isn’t then waiting a while and progressing very slowly DEFINITELY improves the sex and the relationship in general. It takes a lot of pressure off and makes the whole sex thing much more intense.
I am far too over-sexed to do without but given the choice of jonesing for some luvin’ and just doing a guy because he’s there…I choose battery operated toys. This is just a girl’s point of view but might offer some insight from someone who has been on both sides of the fence.
I rather think this is how I am starting to feel about the whole thing. As I look back upon my sex life, I can see quite a few times when i either got intimate because I thought “everyone else was doing it” and I didn’t want to be left behind, or because I was afraid of being alone. Occasionally, this rush to intimacy ruined the potential of the relationship for long-term survival, through no fault of the woman involved. (Like the woman in the OP) I wasn’t sleeping with her as an expression of how I felt about her. . . .rather, it was all about ME.
Other thoughts and ramifications will have to await further reflection. I’m scared enough by this as it is.
I thought you were the one suggesting it. Didn’t you say you were taking a break from relationships and sex in general for a while? To me, that implies a period of chastity. So are you planning a break from relationships that still includes sex? How will that work and still allow you the room to straighten these issues out in your head?
But just FTR, I am a non-religious liberal, and I still see chastity as a viable alternative to loveless sex. But that’s just me. I don’t see sex as something I must have. It’s not food, water, or shelter. It’s a physical manifestation of how I feel for someone, and at the moment I don’t feel that way for anyone. Period.
Well, I see a difference in how I am right now and how I plan on living the rest of my life. I took what you said as indicating it might be preferable for me to be chaste in the long run, rather than have meaningless sex. I didn’t used to agree, but I think about it more and more these days. It would take a long time to explain all the permutations my attitude has taken in the last 10 years, but I went from being quite conservative myself to the other extreme, and now I find the pendulum swinging back.
I guess I figured chastity was sort of a last-resort (in my case only), not a natural way to be. But on this, as with many other things, I am probably mistaken.
Well, powerful insights like that can be scary, at first. But, good for you for having it!
I’d also like to chime in on the chastity issue. While I have nothing against other people practising chastity, or against people having casual sex, my personal preference is for something in between. I don’t see the need to wait for “that one special someone”, with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life. I see nothing wrong with sex as an expression of affection for another person, even if you don’t think you’ll be together forever.
i agree. i personally don’t like one night-stands, but i can say that i was waiting for that special one, and i am still waiting, but i have to have a taste of life. sex can be good even with someone that you are not completely in love with, as long as you don’t feel disgusted by the other person, and i was wondering if Lizard
didn’t like just the specific part of his girlfriends or generally kissing them etc. (don’t remeber everything that was said)Lizard
No, actually I loved kissing them. I preferred it to almost any other activity. I could snuggle for hours. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I took my own clothes off to have sex. Every time I can remember, she started undressing me because she wanted to get naked. The most I’ve ever done was unbutton her shirt a little bit.
I refuse to have casual sex. I find it depressing and demeaning. I define casual as sex outside of a committed longterm relationship.
As to married people having “valid” (not to dis you, just for want of a better word). I think they have just as valid information as people in your shoes. Maybe even better because they are “outside looking in” so to speak and aren’t so close to the situation, or frustrated by lack of companionship as you could be.
I would never suggest chastity as a way of life. I’m simply agreeing with your suggestion that you take a break from the meaningless sex you’ve been experiencing until you meet someone that sparks an interest on a deeper level.
I have to agree with Shoes on this one. I don’t go in for casual sex, but I’m by no means suggesting my lifestyle to anyone. Chastity (longterm or otherwise) is a personal commitment and should not be entered lightly.
