This is an issue that I have been thinking about ever since I parted ways with the last woman I dated, about six weeks ago. This woman really liked oral sex, both giving and receiving. This created a problem, since I didn’t/don’t. (It’s not so much that I hate getting blowjobs, but if I wouldn’t go down on her, I didn’t think it fair to expect her to go down on me. I’ve never thought blowjobs were so great I couldn’t do without, if the snuggling was good.)
We didn’t discuss it much, but I’ve wondered ever since whether I should’ve attempted to explain exactly why this sexual practice is anthema to me. Frankly, I can’t stand the smell of pussy.
That may sound harsh, but let me hasten to add that I didn’t think this woman’s nether regions smelled bad, per se. It’s not as if she made me retch or anything. But over the last several years my reaction to this distinctive smell has gradually become more intense, to the point where it’s really a turn-off. It may have begun with a woman I slept with several years ago who was a “squirter.” On that occasion I really did almost retch. I haven’t muff-dived since. For some reason, I get a whiff of that odor, and immediately divert my attention elsewhere.
So I guess I have several questions:
1 - Am I the only one who feels this way?
2 - How can I get over this? I have a feeling it will matter a lot someday.
3 - Women: Has any man ever told you something like this? How did you take it?
4 - What is the best way to broach and discuss this topic with your partner?
FTR, I am aware that men often don’t smell so great either. Personally, if I’m expecting nookie, I do everything but scour my nether region with a brillo pad.
I, too, have a feeling that your unwillingness to perform oral sex on a woman might be a bit of a problem in future relations. I have no tips on how to get over it, I’m afraid, as I’ve never had this problem myself.
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Be honest, I guess. In the long run, nobody likes to be lied to, or to have the truth withheld from them.
Well as a woman whose hubby has never expressed a problem with this I will consider myself very lucky
Although I do have mental issues that require me to be freshly showered if I am going to let him go down there. Not because of anything he’s ever said to me but because of childhood issues. I used to have to be freshly showered for sex to occur at all but I’ve mellowed a bit.
I would think broaching the subject depends on what you want to do. Are you looking to open communication with the woman so you can try to go down there and want her to not take it personally if you don’t stay? Or are you looking to just explain that it is nothing personal but you just don’t do that? I can understand where the squirter may have triggered these events… kind of like getting hit in the eye with semen would sour her to going there for the guy…
If it is the first you can always admit a bad experience and maybe try a joint shower and lots of long teasing foreplay (both are a good plan anyway) that would allow for you to pop down there for little periods of time.
If it is the second and your lady friend is having a problem because she needs lots of stimulation there to orgasm. Talk about how you want to make her happy and would she like to try some toys or genital massage instead?
I remember some guys in high school talking about learning to like it. I don’t know that I know any guy with this issue currently.
I think the best way to get over it is positive feedback. Since there is no positive feedback like an orgasm, I suggest following tanookie’s advice. Start with short intervals, make it part of the later stages of foreplay, and then let yourself go. (Nice thing about being a guy, you always know you get the big payoff if you want it!) Soon you’ll be drooling like Pavlov’s dogs at the sound of the bell.
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Upfront and honest. Just tell her you had a bad experience and want her to help you “work” through it. I can’t imagine her not wanting to help out.
Or, send her over my way. Just don’t tell me wife.
And this from a chap named Lizard Strange mental picture there!
It seems kind of unfortunte to me, but since there are people who simply hate certain smells, whether it is coffee, or certain things cooking…well, maybe it is a bit like that.
Lizard–
I’m wondering if maybe it’s just that you got a bad oyster? You say this response started with a ‘squirter’ and that that was several years ago and you ‘haven’t muff-dived since’. I’m thinking your sample population isn’t very big and a bad experience has tainted your attitude toward the whole thing.
Some women smell wonderfully (most, in fact, in my experience). Some have a very delicate, fragrant aroma or even very little odor at all. For others, it’s more pungent, but still very nice. The only times I’ve run into any objectionable odors was when there was a bad yeast infection or some kind of bacterial problem going on. Maybe that happened to be the case with the woman who squirted?
I’d say you need to try it a few more times. Remember how you didn’t like asparagus (or broccoli or coffee or whatever) as a kid and now it’s your favorite? Muster up a positive attitude, get back down there, and give it the old college try.
Personally, I’d rather perform cunnilingus than receive a blow job. I love everything about the smell and the whole experience, so I admit I have a hard time relating to your issue. Maybe you need more than a pep talk. Or, feel free to send her my way.
I can’t help you at all, except to relate. I felt the same way you decribe in the OP for a couple of years. There was just something about the smell that turned me off - and this was with different women too, I’m not even sure it had anything to do with one girl’s particular odor, as some here have surmised. I can’t explain it, which is why I can’t really help you, except to say I no longer feel that way. Over the course of my last relationship, I just started thinking about it again, and one day, all of a sudden I felt like I wanted to do it - and I enjoyed it. One day, it was a total turn off, the next whatever had been holding me back was gone. So like I said, I doubt this helps you at all, other than to say you probably aren’t alone.
Yo, get drunk bro - enough liquid courage in me, I’ll tackle any challenge.
In all seriousness though, from my conversations with my friends of the fairer sex, they indicate that if there is something foul going on, you should let them know, provided you do so in a kind way. There could, in fact, be something quite wrong going on down there, so you should want to be helpful in this regard.
On the cleanliness issue, I totally agree that a freshly cleaned region is much more pleasing than one experienced after a night of dancing or some other sort of activity.
Also, I have to agree with Rug Burn: you found a squirter and let her go? I’ve only had one of those models in my sordid history, and she ended up with my best friend, so no further witnessing of the torrent occurred by yours truly.
Quite possibly. I have eaten out about 4-5 women, roughly half the number I’ve had intimate relations with. The squirter was last. Before her, I had been with at least two women with odor strong enough to be noticeable, but it hadn’t stopped me. Even then, I didn’t especially like the smell though.
At one point, I was really eager to do it, especially after woman #2. She was one of the very nice-smelling ones you refer to. The girl never smelled, even at the end of the day, without taking a shower. I could eat her for hours.
I guess when I sense that aroma now (and it always seems similar, even from woman to woman) it just feels “unclean” somehow. I basically just don’t want something that smells that way anywhere near my face.
Rug Burn, you want her? You can have her. The experience was revolting.
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I did too. At first the squirting was neat (I was shocked the first time I saw it!) but it was real messy. Then I thought she was pissing on me since I acted so surprised at the first squirt and kept at it to keep me interested. Well it didn’t work, I “let her go”.
I never got around to going down on her…
Squirting might merit a thread of its own??
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I you love a woman, and you love her body… I don’t see what the problem could be.
I’ve actually become fond of ex boyfriend’s body odor, just because ITS THEIRS. THEIR SCENT… FROM THEIR BODY… the body that allows them to exist, and allows me to love them.
If you love a woman, and you love her body… I don’t see what the problem could be.
I’ve actually become fond of ex boyfriend’s body odor, just because ITS THEIRS. THEIR SCENT… FROM THEIR BODY… the body that allows them to exist, and allows me to love them.
I recently talked with a woman who said her man refused to lick her Wonderful Place. I asked how that was going for her. She said a man like was hard to come by.
I don’t know since I don’t really go down on women but from the men I have been with, they generally like my smell and contrary to popular opinion, I only smell like tuna after a vigorous workout or when I have my period. (Sorry if that was TMI)
Most guys like my smell, I don’t need any fruity scented wipes (Ick I hate that stuff). I shower regularly and that seems to take care of it. (If men don’t shower I think they would smell like a Sasquatch as well…)
I have even had guys ask to keep my panties for a whiff later…I thought that was kind of weird but they musta’ liked the smell. So I think maybe you just got someone who didn’t quite smell like she shoulda’
My boyfriend and I have lately started experimenting with the oral sex…it’s the first time for both of us. I really don’t have any problem with giving him head, but he really, really, really just can’t stomach the taste while giving me oral sex. It doesn’t really bother me that he doesn’t do it…I mean, it would be kind of interesting to experience it and all, but he can keep me perfectly satisfied with other stuff. Besides, I really don’t want him to do something he hates so much.
Lizard, try and find a lady who doesn’t like receiving.
They exist.
They just happen to be a minority.
Other than that, I’m afraid I have nothing to offer.
I’m sorry to say this, but all the guys I’ve been with have been at the opposite end of the scale from the OP, and personally I would find it very difficult to be with someone who found such an intimate part of me to be physically revolting.
I suggest following tanookie’s advice. Start with short intervals, make it part of the later stages of foreplay, and then let yourself go. (Nice thing about being a guy, you always know you get the big payoff if you want it!) Soon you’ll be drooling like Pavlov’s dogs at the sound of the bell.