Not all man tears mean the same thing. I have the unusual but not unheard of trait that means me cry when I get incredibly angry. I don’t mean just normal mad. I have a slow boiling but violent temper when pushed beyond a certain point and that has happened less than 20 times in my entire life.
When I cry, the reason is that I can try to hold it in as best I can and undergo a physiological reaction that produces or I can violently assault you and possibly kill you right then and my body is insisting on the latter alternative. I don’t don’t really care who ends up injured, dead or in prison at that point as long as it isn’t one of my kids. I was raised well enough to know the know I can’t act on such impulses but it isn’t showing a weakness, it is showing extreme restraint in the only way I have left at that moment.
I’m starting to associate male tears with drunken maudlin-ness, so yes it bothers me.
I know someone who, after a couple of beers, can’t say something like “Sean Connery was the best of all the James Bonds” without breaking down into tears. It gets old.
Welcome to the boards! I hope you’ll like here. As you can see, we need some help fighting ignorance, and you’re free to bring your own to throw on the pile too.
I agree with this so much. I don’t think less of men IN GENERAL for crying, especially for good reasons, but in practice, I have no patience for anyone but small children crying. 15 years of emotional manipulation literally just makes me roll my eyes when I’m around a man crying outside of a funeral. I get almost as annoyed by women crying as men, but it is more with men, as it’s kind of a trigger event. I look at it as “To each their own… but keep it away from me.”
It really depends on the circumstances and who is crying, somebody I know or a stranger.
If its somebody I know well and I know their circumstances then I assume one of two things, something tragic had occurred or his life was so stressful that something to a lesser degree set him off. Either way, no judgement and when I think about it I would apply similar logic to a male stranger with much less investment.
One of our female friends cries quickly around emotional stimulus. Somebody gives her an unexpected gift, instant tears, not balling mind you but tears. If one of our male friends reacted in a similar fashion I would think…ehhhhh…emotionally fragile.
Its my opinion that men are not trained not to cry, rather we are conditioned to handle emotions differently then women. That might lend itself to crying less but we also handle all our emotions differently then women, anger, fear, joy, rage, love… not a bad thing, not a good thing, just is what is.
There are different ways of crying. Some people reflexively tear up, and there really isn’t anything they can do about it. Yes, it is something you can train yourself out of, but most of us have limited opportunities to practice.
The question is, do you sit there blubbering, or do you say something like “Excuse me, I am fine but I just need a moment to process this. I’m going to take a short walk, and let’s continue this conversation in a few minutes.” The latter can be perfectly professional.
Anyway, I’ve known guys who cried and guys who nearly never cry. I don’t really think anything of it beyond that it’s individual variation.
If your a guy, crying could be viewed as a very brave act. It is one of the least permissible actions a man can take and it takes courage to go against these standards.
