Hey, you’re pretty.
Only if you meant it. 
If there’s an ulterior motive and that motive is sex, I’d interpret that as adding validity to the compliment.
I agree that I enjoy having my personality and accomplishments complimented, too. But I also believe that my physical appearance is as much a part of who I am as my personality. So I like them equally.
No, wait. I enjoy the physical compliments more. 
Thanks.
CanvasShoes, I have no idea what you look like, but based on your character here on the Dope, I think you’re beautiful.
As a general rule I don’t give out compliments unless it’s obvious that she really wants to hear it. Then you can really go nuts.
I used to work with a woman who would fish for compliments. I would tell her on an almost daily basis that I thought she was pretty, funny, smart and nice. I enjoyed giving her compliments as much as she enjoyed receiving them. She would pretty much squee (I think that’s the right word). I don’t understand why it didn’t get tiresome to hear me say it over and over. It was nice seeing her get excited by something I told her especially considering the fact she really was very attractive.
Then one day she got a compliment from some guy she actually had a big crush on and she said it ruined her crush. He said something weird, though from what she told me.
The moral - be very careful when giving out compliments to women about their looks. Even from women who love to hear that kind of thing. You run a big risk of blowing it completely.
“Ya know, for a big girl you don’t sweat all that much”.
I’d add:
Be confident without arrogance.
Make me laugh.
Don’t stare at my tits while I’m talking to you.
As to being told I’m pretty? I like it, as long as it seems sincere and non-creepy. I want to be loved for my looks, not my mind.
Thank you for your response. I hope this is not a delicate matter, however your German greeting forces me to ask - do your desires tend toward the social or the cannibal?
I have a nine-inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears.
Never understood the long tongue gag. The thing you’re supposed to do with your tongue doesn’t require length.
Anyway to the subject matter of the thread: I like it, but it wouldn’t get you anywhere as a pickup line (especially since I’m married). I remember many years ago I had an older gentleman come up to me in a grocery store and after some sort of comment along the lines of “don’t take this the wrong way” he said “I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re really beautiful.” I said thank you and we went our separate ways. It totally made my day. I didn’t feel like he was being creepy or hoping to get anything out of it, and it made me feel nice.
Another time that I recall was when my son was much younger, and told me “mommy, you’re beautiful like a princess!” which melted me inside. LOL! It sure beat the time when, during the several years when I was overweight, some little kid innocently asked me if I was pregnant. :X
I wouldn’t mind being told I was pretty. I’m only going from the non-dating experience, because I’ve never dated. But I would be a little suspicious of it. Like, it’s a very generic thing to say, especially to someone who’s looks aren’t really notable from an objective standpoint. There’s not many people with the kind of physical beauty that’s worth mentioning out of the blue (well, from one adult to another, at least).
A very drunk man complimented my on my hair and teeth once. Actually, my hair is a good bet for a physical compliment that I will appreciate, because I will agree that it is pretty darn awesome. The teeth thing was just weird, though I guess it’s one of the rewards for all that orthodontic work!
The only other guys I can remember complimenting me on my appearance have been gay. In high school, I was in the band and played flute. One of the younger male flute players would tell me that he “wished he could be pretty like me” when everyone had to dress up for a concert. (I couldn’t blame him–suits can get so boring! Where’s the room for creativity?)
Same here. Someone came up to me the other day and told me I was gorgeous, and I just said smiled and said ‘Thank you’ and he smiled at me and left. I felt nice, briefly, and he probably felt good, too. The end. Sometimes life is just that simple.
Having a guy lay on some desperate, generic compliment at closing time? (I’m not ugly, but sorry, sir, my eyes are not striking by anyone’s definition – especially when they’re rolling or trying to avoid eye contact.) Not quite the same effect.
Compliments from my partner? He’d better. Though I guess they do have more of an impact when he’s not offering them up every five minutes.
Compliments on my outfit or look from a very stylish woman? Tops.
I find that funny. Every woman I’ve ever met that looks like you is insecure with her looks, and I’ve never understood why. I always feel I have to convince them that they are quite pretty indeed.
Which leads me to a question: do some women not want to think of themselves as pretty?
I think there’s a factor of that, to be honest. Among girls, there’s a strong culture of self-effacement - we don’t want to be thought of as “stuck up” or “thinking we’re so great”, so when we get a compliment we automatically deny it, and a lot of times we’ll point out a flaw we see in our looks too, or give a bigger compliment to the person who gave it to us. “OMG Myrtle, you have such a gorgeous complexion” “No way, I was totally breaking out last week, it was horrible, but OMG Lynne, I would love to have your cute button nose.”
Or, remember the old stereotype, of a woman getting ready for a date for hours, finding the perfect dress, the perfect accessories, getting her makeup and hair just so etc then when the fellow compliments her on it, she blushes and says “Oh, this old thing? It’s just something I threw on.”
We’re supposed to be pretty, but we’re not supposed to acknowlege that we’re pretty, and we’re not supposed to have to work to be as pretty as we are. And we internalize this. And yes, I’m speaking in cultural generalities and attitudes and history and stereotypes - but there’s still a lot of truth in them.
(Recommended reading: Naomi Wolfe’s The Beauty Myth. Awesome reflection on how the cult of attractiveness causes great harm to women.)
There are also people who put themselves down to fish for compliments. I did it when I was younger and I was more of a douchebag for it. But a lot of my recent flings have been with girls who expected this. “Oh, I’m not pretty” in an off-handed comment in the car. I see it for what it is and ignore it.
I forgot where I was going with this.
Double post:
An example: 7th grade, the day we got our class pictures back. Every girl (even the really beautiful ones) talked about how much she totally hated her picture, how she looked horribly ugly in it, etc. The only reason I noted this, even, was because one of the girls didn’t. She was all “OMG, I love this, I look great in it!” And I was really shocked that she would do that. You weren’t supposed to think you look good, you certainly weren’t supposed to acknowlege it verbally. That was my first experience with another female being openly confident about her looks. And this was in girls’ gym class, so we weren’t exactly fishing for male attention!
I know, I know, this doesn’t tie in specifically with the thread topic - but in a way it does, because we do internalize this, and even if in womanhood we fight against it, it still sinks into our consciousness to a greater or lesser degree.
Don’t be stuck-up.
Don’t think you’re better than anyone else.
Don’t think you’re pretty.
Don’t think you’re smarter than anyone else.
Don’t demand more than you’re given.
Oni no Maggie, great observations. I think you’re spot on.
It reminds me of two different scenes in the movie Mean Girls.*
When the main character meets the “Mean Girls”:
The girls are all hanging out and rush over to the full length mirror:
-
- I watched this movie for the first time not long ago and cringed. I am ashamed to admit that my friends and I (in junior high) were pretty bad. It makes me sick to think we may have caused any kind of bad memories for people I knew
- I watched this movie for the first time not long ago and cringed. I am ashamed to admit that my friends and I (in junior high) were pretty bad. It makes me sick to think we may have caused any kind of bad memories for people I knew
[personal experience]Puberty is baaaaad and harsh on many women, and kids and teens are not necessarily the nicest creatures in the world. A grown young woman, whom you may think is reasonably attractive and quite pretty, may have spent the previous… oh 10-15 years of her life being told by everyone saved her family and very close friends how horrible and ugly she is, how unattractive she is, and how nobody would ever feel anything towards her. And if she got some attention, it may have been from Mr. Creepypants.[/personal experience]
So yea, when an ugly duckling grows up to being… well, not a swan, but not a grotesque caricature… Compliments are weird, and so is the initial reaction of “That can be! That is not possible! My weight/eyes/clothes/hair/etc. are exactly the same as a couple of years ago! This is BS!!! He MUST be lying!!!”
I think “thanks honey.” then I ask him if he’s paid the bills yet or if I need to take care of them. The only man who’s ever called me beautiful is the man I married.
I think he thinks I look pretty.
This does happen to me occasionally, and I always enjoy it. It gives me a lift. Most of the time it’s somewhat flirtacious and it’s obvious he’s making a some sort of a pickup attempt; other times it’s more matter-of-fact.
For instance, I went on a business trip last year and (because I was going directly from the airport to a meeting) I was a bit more dressed up than is typical on planes nowadays. The guy in the seat next to mine said, “Wow, you look great today!” when I sat down. He was half my age, and the compliment was clearly not a come-on, but it really made my day.
Anyway, it’s nice. Even if it’s just flattery, it’s still nice – I mean, he really must think I look okay if he chooses to use that method to flatter me, right?