I’ve noticed that too. It sucks, because if he’s acting weird and I think it’s because he’s angry, it usually irritates or upsets me. If I could properly identify it as fear, I’d be more sympathetic to it.
To answer the OP: Fear is normal. Why wouldn’t I accept it in my man, if he accepts it in me?
What jsgoddess said, and also the fact I completely can’t relate to the notion of something that would be a relationship turnoff in someone of one gender and not for someone of another gender. I think good partners are good partners, and the qualities necessary for good partners are the same regardless of the person’s gender - just as is the case for good people.
I just thought of something else. What about depression or just some other generic “weakness.”
I was friends with a couple that divorced a few years ago. Turns out the husband had been depressed on and off for years. Not enough for me or any other friends to notice, but he’d had a lot of sleepless nights and clinging moments. His wife couldn’t handle it, got turned off sexually, and that’s why she left. I know one case doesn’t prove anything but I’m thinking that the average guy wouldn’t react the same way. Especially not the sexual turnoff. BTW, I’m not saying that guys are more humane or anything. We might withdraw sooner, give dumb advice more often or any number of other bad reactions.
I’m tempted to ask if this sounds like an extreme reaction. I guess that of course the divorce is extreme, but what about the turnoff? And of course, I’m sure there’s a lot more aobut this case that I don’t know. I stayed friends with the guy and heard about it from his point of view only.
It would depend on what the fear was and how it was stated.
When I was in 10th grade, a sparrow entered the class and hid under the raised step at the head of the room. We left the windows open all day so that it would be able to get out whenever it wanted to. The last class of the day was math; the teacher told us to close the windows; we explained about the bird but she wouldn’t believe us when we said it might still be there.
Fifteen minutes later, the whole class is in silence except for her writing on the blackboard. She goes back to stand beside her desk and we notice a ball of fluffed-up feathers. The bird had gotten out and jumped to the desk, where it was sleepily trying to decide whether it was morning yet (more like 5pm, you sleepyhead!). The teacher didn’t see it, but she put her hand right beside it. Huh? She moves her hand… touches the bird… who is so surprised and sleepy it doesn’t fly away, just opens its eyes and peeps… teacher turns her head, sees the bird and shootsout, almost jumping over the student desks in her hurry to reach the safety of the door, which she gripped mightily while screaming “take it away, take it away!”
For Og’s sake, it was a sparrow! It wasn’t a snake, a rat, an unknown monster from outer space, a spider or a dead body. A sparrow. A little bird who’d jumped back into hiding when she screeched.
We had to move the plinth and get the bird out. One of my classmates put him on a windowsill and shooed him away. As we were closing the windows, the teacher came back in and started explaining that she was alergic to feaAHAAAAAA! <- this was caused by the sparrow flying back in.
This second time she just went running down the hallway. We retrieved the bird again, but we didn’t retrieve her. We were unable to retrieve our respect for her during what was left of the school year.
As one of my more “problematic” classmates (male) said “heck, I sleep with a babylamp, but if I don’t have one I don’t need to get tied down!”
Being afraid is OK, we all have fears. Being a histeric bundle of nerves is not OK, you should seek medical treatment.
So that WAS Rena Sofer.
Well, “24” is done with now. Talk about the show killer.
-Joe, fearless
???
Are you saying that was a spoiler for 24?
Women don’t forget your weaknesses. They come out with them at every spat.
Some things just shouldn’t be shared because you have to eat crow over and over and over.
Huh. I don’t think anything about it. Everyone has fears. I have a male friend who is terrified of butterflies and I don’t think any less of him. Of course, I mock him incessantly about it but I’d do the same to a female friend…
Oh, I thought the OP heading said something about expressing farts. Sorry. I’ll just go this way then…
What matt_mcl said, and also the fact that I would consider concealing a fear of any importance, especially as it relates to a relationship, to be a lie of omission and thus something that I can’t support ethically and don’t consider compatible with being a good partner.
I agree wholeheartedly.
I’m somewhat comforted by the fact that my husband can come to me with his fears and emotional issues. It says to me that he trusts me with his heart, that he knows I will not scorn or mock his feelings or let him down when he needs me to be there for him. And I know I can turn to him for the same.
What’s the point of having a mate if you can’t open your soul to them?
The only thing I don’t like to hear from my partner is “I’m afraid of spiders.”
Because, then, who is going to kill that spider?!?!
Otherwise, he can be just as open about his fears as he wants.
Silly, you’re thinking of mistakes and missed birthdays.
As the movie opens, we see a young couple—a man and a woman—driving along a lonely country road. Their car breaks down. Look, there’s an old house over there, just at the end of that path through the woods! Maybe they can get help there.
The couple walk along the path, as owls hoot, branches sway eerily in the wind, and somewhere in the distance, a wolf howls. One of the two whispers, “I’m scared,” and grabs the other’s arm. The other one bravely says, in a calm, confident voice, “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll protect you.”
Which do you expect to be the one expressing fear, and why?
Maybe he meant that Rena Sofer will kill the show the way she killed the American Coupling? 
Addressing the OP and all of the women who think men with phobias are cute: are you all assuming there’s a distinction drawn between a legitimate fear and an irrational phobia/anxiety disorder? I only ask because this thread has derailed into women offering the opinion that they don’t mind if their hubby is afraid of small furry creatures and harmless insects. That’s not what this is about. I’m a bit of an arachnophobe myself because spiders give me the jibblies, but I admire what beautiful creatures they are and I’m not afraid to tell a girl that I’d flip backwards out of my chair if I realized one was crawling up my arm. That’s because the phobia’s effect on me is something along the lines of a split-second impulse in my brain which tells me “Get it off! It’s going to eat your eyeballs and crawl up your nose and down your throat!” and within a tenth of a second I’m trying to brush it off frantically. Silly, right? Of course, but that isn’t a fear, it’s an irrational phobia that I can’t really explain but I think most anyone with a phobia would understand and tolerate. Anyone will dismiss a phobia because we all have them.
This is NOT the same as a deeply internalized negative emotion like poor self-image, social anxiety, depression, jealousy, anger, racial/religious hatred … those are fears as I define them.
Now ladies, to expound on what I believe the OP was really on about … if you weren’t married to your hubby and/or didn’t have an boyfriend to share your deepest darkest secrets with, then what would you think of a man who immediately started sharing the kind of legitimate fears I’ve listed as examples? Perhaps maybe after you just met him, too. What if he shared them the same way your brave and loving husband did? What if he didn’t share them at all, but your keen feminine instinct had you convinced that he suffered from one of them? Would you still look at him the same way as you do your husband/boyfriend despite not knowing him as well? Would you give him the chance to get to know YOU better?
After I just meet anyone I have no interest in hearing about their innermost thoughts and secrets. I don’t become that intimate that quickly.
Huh?
I married an agoraphobe. I knew he was an agoraphobe before we ever met in person. I don’t have a “keen feminine instinct” in any case, so it’s good that I don’t have to rely on it.
Well I expect the physically strongest and largest partner to be saying “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll protect you”
In a movie it would likely be the more masculin partner that said that, so in a movie that wasn’t aimed at a gay ordiance it would likely be a hetrosexual partnership with the male offering protection.
In real life the first person to admit to saying “I’m scared” would be answered by the other saying “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll protect you.” no matter whether the second is scared or not. I would expect the most confident, physically strongest and largest partner to be saying “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll protect you”
In this particular case it would be Brad telling Jannet not to worry.
Thanks for clarifying that, I think you’re right. There wasn’t a smiley on the original message, so I wasn’t sure. Also, I’d never seen her before, had no idea what her effect is on a TV series. If it’s any consolation, she has a very small part so far which may not be going anywhere. I’d hate to have given anything away. Wasn’t worried or anxious about it however 