I seem to lack that “keen feminine instinct” as well. My husband has always believed himself to be “broken”, stemming from his deep issues with his dead mother. There’s some major Oedipus complex-like stuff going on with him. I knew this long before I married him. He has some deep, dark fears, and he shared them with me long before we tied the knot, as it was something he wanted me to know about beforehand.
I must be nuts. I love him anyway. As I told him, goddamnit, ain’t none of us not “broken” in some way. It doesn’t matter how good or bad life has been, not one of us truly has it all together, no matter how they appear to us on the outside.
To hell with stereotypes, and to anyone who thinks they know me or how I feel inside, just because of my gender. It’s ignorant.
js, for someone who doesn’t get intimate early, you shared several of your own insecurities with me and I didn’t even ask (husband has an anxiety which you “knew about before you met”). I don’t know a lot of things about people even after I’ve met them several times, so I clearly have a lot to learn from those who get to know the inner demons of others before they ever physically meet. For the record, I didn’t broach the subject of getting “intimate” early, I suggested what sort of an opinion a women develop about a man whose inner fears and true colors become exposed particularly as she’s starting to get comfortable with him, and how he would consequently be slotted in the social ladder with respect to his peers and to the woman in question.
I’m probably looking for an answer in the wrong place here since we’re talking about TV shows and harmless phobias amongst established couples, instead of how fears are perceived in developing relationships. Funny how it’s only the happily married women who either have nothing constructive to say in response to my question, or get defensive when I suggest that these subliminal behaviors are actually going on all the time whether or not people realize it. I kinda figured there’d be at least one outgoing single woman who could chime in without responding to me like I’m some kind of judgmental misogynist …
You don’t know jack shit about my insecurities. You don’t seem to know jack shit about anything, judging by your performance in this thread. I’ll leave you to it.
Based on how you latch onto attacking my “jack shit” perspective not long after sharing your generally poor opinion of “threads on the subject of sex and gender”, I think it would be a fair observation to anyone reading to say you have some esteem issues, else why would you make such comments? I don’t find it hard to offer a positive (and civil) response to others who see things differently, but clearly my way of interpreting behaviors strikes such a nerve with you that you feel obligated to snap at me. You seem very understanding of fears indeed.
I’d also like to know specifically what it was about my “performance in this thread” which was so much lesser of a contribution than, say, your bitter remarks … ?
During my first real “getting to know you” conversation with my SO three years ago, he told me some things about himself that most people wouldn’t have revealed so early into a relationship, if ever. It was something that might have been a dealbreaker for someone else. But while it took me by surprise and I wasn’t sure how to react to it, I was more struck by the fact he was willing to share that kind of thing with me. It was obvious our budding relationship was important to him, and it was obvious he was already thinking long-term. In part because of this, I’ve never felt insecure in my relationship with him.
None of the insecurites, fears, or problems my SO has shared with me has ever made me think less of him. He’s a good person, a hard worker, a smart, funny guy, and a great match for me. His flaws aren’t going to change any of that. He’s always been himself with me, and has never pretended to be anything he’s not. I like that about him. I feel confident I truly know who he is. Neither of us would settle for less in our relationship.
Heh, are you me? I’m always thinking FEELINGS ARE PRIVATE.
It’s hard to answer this too seriously because I think there are so many combinations of fears and context and how the information is presented. I am pretty sure I don’t have a very different reaction to the gender factor. A legitimate fear is okay whether it’s from a man or a woman, and a goofy fear that I am going to make fun of is also equal opportunity.