Are you thinking of the group I’m thinking of? Where they said your father had to pick your husband for you?
I think the one woman’s daughter actually said to her parents, “You pick him, mom, you’ll know better than me!”
:eek:
I always laugh because if some guy did the old-fashioned “Ask my father for my hand in marriage” thing, Dad would probably say, “Uh, ask her mother.”
I’ve dated women both in America and Japan who insisted the relationship be kept secret because their parents wouldn’t approve (of her dating, in the American case (her quote was “they say a boyfriend would interfere with my studies, so they don’t want me to date until I’ve gotten my Master’s degree.”) and of me, in the Japanese case). With my wife, I asked her mother’s permission to marry, but it was just a formality that we mostly did as a joke. Heck, her mom was setting up our futons in the same room before we’d even been dating for a month. From what I’ve seen in Japan, though, it is somewhat common for the parents (on both sides) to give their approval before a couple gets married, but it’s not universal.
Personally, though, I’m suprised at the shock and awe some people seem to have at the idea of arranged marriages. I think a few are imagining that the couple (or the bride, anyway) are forced into going to the altar with someone they’d never met until that day. That may have been the case a long time ago, but nowadays they’re usually more like blind dates that are set up by your parents, rather than your friends. The couple is interested, they meet, talk, go on dates for a few months, then decide if they want to get married. Most of the women I know who’ve done it were in their late 20’s and had dated different guys but hadn’t found one they wanted to tie the knot with. All of them have been satisfied with the results, so far.
My son recently asked us to come and meet his SO (who is delightful), and we did so. I don’t think he needs our approval, but rather wanted to ease us all together as “family”
I would expect my children to choose their own mates, and wouldn’t say anything negative unless it was a matter of abuse or something equally serious.
In our family, spouses brought into the family are expected to have strong and weak points, and we are supposed to all do our best to get along and appreciate each other. I cannot imagine trying to control the selection of any SO, but I do understand that some families operate otherwise.
My mother introduced me to my husband, so we often joke about ours being an arranged marriage.
That said, my mother is still, 16 years later, marveling that our marriage has been so successful and that we’re still very happy together. In fact, out of four siblings and my parents, I am the ONLY one who has managed to stay married past the four-year mark.
Now I have a teeange daughter who is starting to notice boys (and this is also vice-versa). My husband and I have of course made our own values clear, and we expect that when she grows up, her values will bear at least a passing resemblence to ours. Between now and then, though, we expect a fair amount of normal rebellion, including some of the guys she may choose to date. The plan is, unless we feel the guy is actively dangerous, we’re staying out of it.
I’ll let you know how that plan holds up in practice 
Coupla things:
He’s married now, and as far as I can tell his relationship with his parents is not as good as it was then because they tried to force him into their ideal life for him and he chose the life he and his wife believe God intended for them.
When we told B’s father about being engaged, he mentioned that some people actually ask the girl’s father for permission. What I thought at that instant, but didn’t say, was “Why would I ask your permission? She’s an adult and I’m not asking to marry you too…”.
If either of my sisters was told by either of my parents, “You may not marry this man” or something like that, I’d either wonder if the guy was a murderer or I’d wonder if my parents had gone plumb loco. I’m the stupid one in the family and they knew when they met B that I got way lucky.
Mr. Lissar asked my parents for permission- oh, 7 months after we got engaged. It was really just a way of announcing it to them, not a control thing.
Yes, Guin, kind of the same thing. I did live with a girl who believed in courtship, and had read I Kissed Dating Goodbye* several times. And also the people you’re thinking about. Yes.
I do think it’s good to find out what your family and friends think of a new SO, although you shouldn’t let it control your dating decisions. Sometimes friends pick up on things that you won’t. And sometimes they’ll be completely off base, which is why in the end, it’s your decision.
Pretty funny – after agreeing to marry, I insisted that my spouse (of 26 years) call MY mother to ask her permission. We did it because my mother had a terminal illness but still had a sense of humor and it was a pleasant way to announce our decision.
Never thought of asking HER father: it was announced to her side of the family.
That said, it doesn’t mean either of us is completely independent of parental influence. An important decision about the choice of elementary school for our daughter was made on the basis of what her mother would think.