Those of us “of a certain age” recall Wonder Bread commercials advertising it as especially good for young children. It “helps build strong bodies 12 ways” went the tagline.
Never mind that Wonder Bread was, and is, all air held in place with some light white foamy stuff that sorta looks like bread when you smash it into a small stale lump, and tears apart with the force of your breath alone. What were the 12 ways it’s supposed to be especially nutritious?
It’s a wonderfully ambiguous phrase, and can mean any number of things. It could be a listing of 12 ingredients, or it could be twelve body parts it helps nourisdh, or it could be twelve attributes. I think I heard the answer once, but I can’t remember it. But ambiguity is all, in the world of advertising, and words are important. Not merely the ambiguity of “ways”, but the wimpiness of “helps”. Nobody’s going to take them to court because Wonder Bread doesn’t have 12 countable vitamins and minerals.
On the other hand, KFC’s contention of “Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices” bugs me if William Poundstone’s analysis showing only four ingredients is correct.
I seem to recall that Wonder Bread was “fortified” with 12 vitamins and minerals, but I was still watching Capt. Kangaroo at the time, so I may be wrong.
The Captain plugged the stuff back then, pointing out that it was the package with the “red, yellow and blue balloons.”
Wiki says it refers to the number of enrichments Continental Baking added to the bread in the 1930s.
Before the “12 ways” slogan, Wonder Bread advertised that it “makes you grow taller in 7 days.” That slogan caused more childrens temper tantrums and sold more bread than you can imagine.
That was one of the slogans that finally got the feds interested in truth in advertising. I suspect that Wonder Bread came up with the “12 ways” slogan in order to make a change without it sounding like much of a change.
This seems to be a question worthy of Cecil.
It’s hazy, but I believe from time to time the commercials would say something like builds strong teeth, healthy bones etc, and left the impression those were some of the mystical dozen. Perhaps it was the fiber, found mostly in the wrapper.
About the only clear memory I have of the time period, was we were supposed to trust our car to the man who wore the star.
The enhancement of white bread with additives relate to a WWII era government program Wonder signed up for. At the time, some sort of ailment, which is now fairly rare, was pretty common, particularly in the South.
Source: http://www.wonderbread.com/history.html
They capitalized on this with their “helps build strong bodies 12 ways” tagline.
Wonder bread, Skippy peanut butter, and grape jelly that ends up all over your chin.
And chocolate milk that you stir up yourself.
“Hi Mom, I’m going in to eat and watch Officer Joe Bolton, Spanky and Alfalfa!". 
My dad used to say it “Builds strong bodies if fourteen different directions.”
I remember when it was “8 Ways”.
I have always thought it should have been “Only 8 Ways” since, being white bread, essentially all the nutrients are removed from the flour in the processing stage and then some are added back in. Most important missing ingredient: fiber.
The 8, later 12, ways were the re-added vitamins and minerals.Other missing items were trace minerals and vitamins that were never replenished in the flour.
-g
Eating Zombie Wonder Bread can also resurrect zombie threads 12 ways, too. Wonder Bread ceased production due to the Hostess bankruptcy in November 2012.
But Flowers Foods has purchased the Hostess brands, and will likely resume production.
OK, I know it’s a zombie, so this may have been covered… Nope, I’ve read the thread, and it wasn’t mentioned. Here’s my recollection. Some government agency made them stop, decades ago, saying that because a) it was a health claim, and b) they couldn’t answer the question, even then, under threat of being fined. I doubt you’ll ever find a definitive answer, since they got fined then for not being able to answer the question.
My recollection may be wrong. I was a kid at the time, too.
And as for the sentence in the OP, previous to the last one I just quoted:
And it was kinda sweetish, too. Soylent Braaaaiiiiinnnssssss is Wonder Bread!!!
Flower Foods did not purchase all of the Hostess brands. Twinkies are still without a home, for example.
Oops, that’s right. They did, however, agree to purchase the Wonder Bread brand, and a number of others, subject to bids in a Feb 28 auction. They could still be outbid.
Current state of the bidding:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azodicarbonamide
Ingredients in Wonder Bread
1: Dimensionally - A = 4\pi r^2. additional carbohydrate intake will yield greater aggregate mass over time and expand 3 dimensional body volume and surface area
2:Gravitationally - Greater mass will increase gravitational attraction - F = Gm1m2/r2
3: Spiritually -
4: Structurally - The calcium in Wonder bread enhances bone strength
5: Iron / Ferrous sulfate - Laces itself into your bones and protects you against Faerie Magik
6: Soy Flour / Soybean Oil - Shrinks your testes and grows breasts in men bringing us ever closer to the Universal Androgynebody type
7: Salt - Replenishes what the M-113 creature takes out
8: Calcium sulfate - used to make gypsum board - Makes your body easy to install framed pictures on. -
9: Whey - High in protein - Builds massive delts
10: Water - Kills the Little Makers brings you to new state of being and consciousness
11: Azodicarbonamide- C2H4O2N4. Used in manufacturing plastics - eat enough Wonder Bread and effectively you become immortal
12:B vitamins - Keeps your electron transport chain in top shape -
REASON FOR GRAVE DIGGING.
it definitely was 12 Vitamins & Minerals (not ingredients… if not, recipe couldn’t be changed without new advertising blitz)… any confusions may be because a one minute commercial couldn’t expand on all 12 so calcium for teeth is one mentioned and those red, yellow and blue balloons were emphasized by Captain Kangaroo i suspect because kids would look for the balloons they were TOLD to look for “… so kids when mom is shopping be sure to look for the red, yellow and blue balloons to [buy/pickup/take](not sure exact word) Wonder Bread.”
Hostess snack cakes were bought by a Mexican snack company
the bankruptcy wasn’t because of the bakery, probably due to getting too big with too much debt. if Hostess had been given loans likely could have limped through but when the various unions refused to continue without raises the problem was fiduciary responsibly requirements … the trademarks and logos were best value. without that the debt was unsustainable. the losing brands were too much so they pulled only value with them
Considering how far afield this thread has wandered over the decades, I may as well share a verse from Doug’s First Job by Andrew Ratshin:
Doug likes to keep the children waiting
All single file in the rain
Doug holds his hand out and the scouts all stop parading
And he knows that they would never complain
And his teachers come to see him
And his friends all want to be him
And the women melt completely in his gaze
And his mother brings him sandwiches
And talks up the advantages
Of bread that builds strong bodies seven ways
It’s a great song.
To parents raised during the depression, nice, soft white bread that promised oodles of nourishment was quite comforting. My relatives did not starve during that time (they were farmers), but they knew of those who were always hungry. My grandmother and all her friends were tenant farmers, though. They had to keep their family gardens hidden so that the owner would not want a cut of the crop. But back to Wonder Bread: it’s not great, but it fills up a kid and that is probably all the parents of that era were going for. Peanut butter was a good addition. Or cheese. With soup. I ate many lunches of this type, in the summer mostly. I had lots to do outside, so I was glad for a minimalist lunch.
