Woo-Hoo! My Book's Out!

Hoo-ha! I’m in the Sunday Times Book Review on the 14th! The “Books in Brief” section, which my publisher just faxed me. They give the plot a good going-over, then sum up with, “Although her book sometimes comes close to becoming a cumbersome reference guide, Golden succeeds in communicating Held’s charm.” Whew! I alwasy expect them to say, “Whoever told this talentless bitch she could write?”

Congrats Eve!! I’ll make a friendly deal with ya…I’ll order your book and you buy one of my “The Five Americans” CDs! at sundazed.com

I am twothirds done with my own book about my R&R days. You know what they say…a good book is written, a great book is rewritten. Good luck hope you sell a gillion!!!

Eve, I can’t wait to read your book!

It’s a bit suspicous that none of us have actually seen it in a single bookstore. I’ve written a lot of “books” too, you know. I’ve also directed some “films”. And I was “President” once.

Seriously, a good ‘Times’ review is gold! All you need to do now is worm your way onto Oprah’s™ Book Club. Then you can retire in style.

Looks like we might have to open a Teeming Millions Merchandise Emporium. So far we have:

Cecil’s Compendiums of Knowledge
Eve’s Tomes of Times Past
&
Aha’s Wonderous Discography

The two local Waldenbookses (that’s quite a pluralization there) don’t have 'em in stock, but they’re on order, and overdue (they should’ve been there already).

B. Dalton’s, the goat-lovers, have no plans to order. Last time I shop there.

The local B&N said they’re out, which I took to mean that they had some, but they sold 'em. I didn’t clarify, though, 'cause I’m not real bright, and I only thought to do so after I hung up.

I have a friend like Little Nemo’s. Should I chastise him, and instruct him to buy from a bookstore? Who does eat the discount on Amazon?

Well, we’re getting closer. At lunch today I went to the Borders Books in the World Trade Center looking for my brand new copy of Eve’s book.

I asked the woman behind the information desk about it, and, after punching it up on her computer, said yes, they have three copies. She told me to check in the “Star and Director Biographies” section, which was fortunately right next to the information desk. Unfortunately, no copies of Eve’s book were there. She then went into the back to check on whether it wasn’t on the shelf yet. She came back and told me that it was down one flight in the main level under “New Biographies.” Well, I went downstairs and there didn’t appear to be any New Biographies section, though I eventually figured out that the biographies were just mixed into the “New Non-fiction” section. But still, no Eve. Finally, I asked a somewhat spaced-out looking fellow who who seemed to work there for help. Alas, after wandering around the new stuff sections for a while and checking the tables as well as the shelves, we found nothing. He said that the computer was often wrong, and that maybe they weren’t out on the shelves yet.

OK, Eve. Either all three copies sold out in a flash or they haven’t been put out. I’ll keep the investigation going, though.

TO: Field Operatives
FR: Eve

CT Operative—Tell Borders to bite me. Woo-hoo! for being sold out in B&N! I am ashamed to admit I don’t know who takes the fall for those discount joints, but I’ll bet it’s me . . . Ike, can you enlighten us?

NY Operative—Hmmm . . . I will have to assume all three copies were immediately snapped up by the crazed Anna Held fans who are always wandering through downtown, laced up in corsets and singing “I Just Can’t Make My Eyes Behave.” I think Giuliani is planning to crack down on those wild Anna Held festivals in the Village . . .

I asked for book. Floor clerk said check both new book section and biography section. No books found.

Asked clerk when book would be in. Was told: “New order, it should be here. Would you like to special order it?”

Time: 09:20 hours. Went to special order clerk. Placed special order. Asked: “Why is this book not here?”

Communique from Special Order Clerk: “Dunno.”

Will decode and report back.

Success!!!

I checked the Barnes & Noble at Lincoln Square (66th & Broadway) and, lo and behold, in the “New Biographies” section right near the Columbus Avenue entrance, in the lower left part of the section there was a stack of four copies of Anna Held and the Birth of Ziegfeld’s Broadway sitting face out with Anna smiling to the world.

In order to check restocking levels, I depleted the inventory by 25%.

By the way, the prologue was a real grabber. It’s on my next to read list, after the book I’m reading. (And who exactly is this David Blazak, the Brightest of the Bright Young Things?)

Field Agent Billdo

All kidding aside, Eve, it has got to be fustrating knowing there are people ready, willing and able to buy your book and having such difficulties finding it.

Is it the publisher, booksellers or distributors who are making life difficult for all of us Anna Held fans (or soon to be, if we can just learn about her)? Is there anything that can be done?

Hooray! Thanks, Billdo—you win the award for the first Doper to get my book! The award is, ummm . . . Me saying “thanks.” Not much, but hey, I’m a starving author.

“And who exactly is this David Blazak, the Brightest of the Bright Young Things?”

—You don’t expect a girl to tell everything, she says, blushing prettily . . .

Biggirl (aka Brooklyn Operative No. 1—It IS rather frustrating; I hope after the NY Times review appears this Sunday, more stores will be ordering . . .

Stopped in yesterday evening to check if my copy had arrived yet. “Another day or two,” was the answer. Mentioned the upcoming hot NYTBR piece. Manager looked interested, promised to order additional copies to prepare for the inevitable rush.

Stupidly let drop that “author was a friend.” Hope this does not void possible order.

Will check Gotham Books, West 47th Street, Manhattan, later today.

Uke out.

{Psssssssssst…Bildo!

How’s the author photo look? Did she use the beach shot I suggested?

Ike—lemmee know if Gotham has it in; I always drop by and sign my books there (I love Gotham, they treat me like such a Stah!).

I actually gave the pub. two author photos: a Professional Author-Lady Shot, and a Total Slut Shot. They went with no. 1, for some reason . . .

Actually, Ike, they used the beach volleyball shot, you know the one shot from a low angle where she’s coming down after blocking a spike. It’s pretty rare that you see “about the author” photos where the author is wearing (or should I say mostly wearing) a bikini, particularly in serious history books.

Hey, waitaminute—they airbrushed in a BIKINI?

Well, Eve, if that was airbrushing, they didn’t provide much coverage. So what were you doing playing beach volleyball without a swimsuit, anyway?

Five copies on order. Not in yet, according to Flip, the tall curly-haired handsome book-ordering guy, but expected momentarily.

Told him “I’d be back!” with a cheery wave and no guarantees. (My copy should be in at Community Books by tomorrow.)

– Uke, who loves Eve but buys retail

PS: In honor of his last request, the corpse of Edward Gorey is now on display in Gotham’s front window.

Field Report - San Francisco

Checked today, my favorite semi-independant store, Stacey’s. En voila they have a copy in stock! I snapped it right up, mentioning the upcoming review :cool:

I will check the other stores when I can - there are Daltons, B&N and such around.

And - since I paid full price - I will berate Eve into appearing at some theoretical future Dopefest in NY when I can get there. :slight_smile:

Hurrah!

Copies actually bought by Dopers so far: 2
Eve’s approx. profit: $4

Ike, let me know when you get yours, and how you will loudly berate your own publishing company for not snapping up such an obvious best-seller (OK, I never actually sent them the proposal, but they shoulda KNOWN).

Sassy—lemme know what you think (Billdo, too!)!

Jeeziz, Eve, if you’s SHOWN me the manuscript, I could have bamboozled the publisher into letting me offer a substantial advance, including jacket art approval, an advertising/marketing/publicity guarantee, and provisions for a sculpted muscle-boy assistant to help you research photographs.

Check this out, this is me in action:

“Anna Held was the Brittany Spears of her day!”
“Golden’s writing is reminiscent of Danielle Steel, J.K. Rowling, and Dr. Benjamin Spock, all noted best-sellers!”
“If we go to SEVEN FIGURES, I think I can swing world rights!”