"Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!"

The BBQ Pit
1

I was leaving work tonight, sometime around 11:00 pm, when I heard this. I work at one of the finest hotels in Sacramento California, aww heck, I’ll just say it, I work at the Hyatt Regency (it is where das Governator is currently living). I was leaving work, walking down one of the back halls, when I heard someone yell:

“WOOOOO!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!”

I do not know who said this. I do not know why.
I do not know if it was the punchline to a joke. I do not know if it was happening just then and he wanted to brag.

I just know what I heard, and that it was among the most surreal moments of my life.

(Posted here because of cursing)

2

Was it said in a thick Austrian accent?

3

Damn!! It’s cool that you used the word “surreal” to describe this experience. A friend of mine and me were talkin about surreal experiences the other day and he tried to say that to be surreal, the event had to be something that seriously impacted and possibly totally changed your life. I said “hell no it doesn’t.” A thread on surreal experiences might be kinda cool. I’m too tired to start it now though.

4

Ah. I see you’ve had an encounter with the elusive Lithuanian Ninja.

5

Oh yeah.

And I think “surreal” means something so strange as to be dream-like (you know how wonky dreams are). Not like-changing. Pfffft.

I could look it up, but I’m laaaaaaazy.

6

That’s hilarious! Thanks for making my morning!

7

If he had time to comment on his activities, he obviously wasn’t giving his full attention to the task at hand.

8

Did you hear, “All your jerk belong to us?”

Because then it would have made a lot more sense.

9

I would have pointed out how disturbing it was that he was thinking of fucking his mom while masturbating.

10

You should have shouted back “When done masturbating, bring pie!”

11

It’s not really surreal, just weird and disgusting. Surreal would have to be not only weird and surprising, but “unreal” or (more properly) transcending what you believe to be real.

I wonder if surreal is the “ironic” of the new decade. I’ve heard it a lot lately.

12

Did he follow it up with “SNOOTCH TO THE NOOCH, YOU FAT FUCK!”

Because if he did, I might know who that is.

13

Was it a male or female voice? That would make a difference for me.

14

Give him a break, he probably just learned how.

You know what they say - if masturbation offends you, just don’t sit by me on the bus.

Regards,
Shodan

15

Who’s to say that it didn’t trancend what he thought to be real?

16

Dude, it’s California. Something like that should be par for the course.

17

Could be your friend is thinking of an epiphany or a paradigm shift.

18

“If it wasn’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.”
-Overheard by Lewis Black

19

I don’t think I want pie from that guy.

Robin

20

Well, if you have to ask you don’t really understand the meaning of “surreal.” It’s not just something shocking and unexpected, but “having the intense irrational reality of a dream.” Hearing someone yell about masturbation is hardly “intensely irrational,” it’s just gross and weird.

I see the English language has lost another word. It can join “literally” and “ironic” in the afterlife of words that used to have meaning and now mean nothing at all.