I once misfiled an interest check for about $65,000. When the MD asked at the end of the fiscal quarter, “How come the last interest payment from so and so hasn’t come in?”, I checked in the file room and found the check right there, paperclipped to some comparatively unimportant form. Oops. I just called so and so and said, “Please send another check - we never got the last one.” After destroying all evidence to the contrary, of course.
Well, I guess I technically be held responsible for this one though it still makes me cringe that I didn’t object to it:
Once when I was working at a hole-in-the-wall pizza place, I pulled a pizza out of the oven only to have it flop, upside down, on the floor. Because both owners were out on deliveries at the moment, I was the only one there and I was busy. So, instead of cleaning up the pizza right away, I stepped over it and went to the dough fridge only to find we had no mediums left to replace it. I grabbed two smalls and started making them up instead.
Then the owners came in and I explained what I was doing. The guy owner scooped up the fallen pizza, threw some extra toppings on it and stuck it in the oven for a few minutes. He delivered it to the unlucky customer too.
Yes, I really am cringing right now.
Dang, I meant can’t be held responsible!
And don’t worry. That restaurant is looong gone.
You’re not confessing. You’re bragging.
I worked for KBR for two years. Do I win?
I am a postal worker.
FACT: Your postcards get read. All of them. We have nothing else to do (aside from shooting people).
Then again, they are also spectacularly dull. How millions of people can contrive to write the exact same thing on a postcard is beyond me - but they can.
COPY THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF THE HASSLE:
If American:
Dear Mom and Dad,
Well I finally made it. The flight over was soooooo long. Sydney is neat. The Aussies are friendly. Have petted a kAOla and a kangaroo. Talk to you soon. Hugs. Travis.
If British:
To all at No. 57
Well I finally made it. The flight over was sooooo long. Sydney fecking rocks. I’ve been ratarsed every night. Tell Dave he’s a twat. Fuck Off. Phil.
If European:
Hello from Sydney (written sideways)
Actually, there is one cool thing about reading postcards. That is when a bloke sends a few of them together. One to his mum, one to his girlfriend. One to “the lads”. All saying different things. Generally the one to 'the lads" is the most truthful (give or take a bit of bragging).
I’ve had a sucky couple of weeks, and this provided a much needed belly laugh! thanks!
As a student I worked for a woman who was the personal assistant of the head of the university library. Amongst many, many cock ups, I accidently shredded the head of the library’s ID card.
As for sneaky things, when they reassigned all of the study carrels for the professors, it was my job to send out the notices and keys to the professors. I noticed that my advisor, who was only an associate at the time, had been assigned a really crap carrel in the basement, one of the old, cramped, cement-floored windowless ones that had not been part of the library renovation. Anyway, 18 years later, he still tells me how much he loves his cosy, palatial carrel-office up on the third floor, and that the view of the university gardens is really lovely in the late afternoon sunlight.
You want a confession? I’ll give you a confession.
Once upon a time I ran a telemarketing department for two years.
No. Tyler would have been cool about it. Not five seconds after I did it, I spent the remainder of the evening in complete remorse about the inappropriateness of my action and conjured up all sorts of scenarios that would cost our company a very profitable and high-profile contract.
But I laughed hysterically for the five seconds before that.
I remember #5 egregious fuck-up:
I arranged Lakers playoff tickets for my boss and his family and instructed them to go to the WRONG GAME. Imagine my surprise when I got to the turnstiles (I got the fourth ticket) only to be told, “This is for Game 5.” Natch, I couldn’t get him on his cell phone to turn back.
It was quite a sleepless night, but he took it in stride.
I remember my #5 egregious fuck-up:
I arranged Lakers playoff tickets for my boss and his family and instructed them to go to the WRONG GAME. Imagine my surprise when I got to the turnstiles (I got the fourth ticket) only to be told, “Sorry, your ticket is for Game 5.” Natch, I couldn’t get him on his cell phone to tell him to turn back.
It was quite a sleepless night, but he took it in stride, laughed it off, actually. Fortunately, Game 5 was a killer win over rival Sacramento to clinch the series.
Am not.
The coworker part I regretted. Although I suppose there is a difference between regret and remorse. 
When I was in charge of tidying up the grocery store during closing, I’d get done early so I could zip up and down the aisles while riding a pallet dolly like a scooter 
I once answered the phone and a rather indigant woman said brusquely, “I’m Paige Frankenberry and I wanna talk to Carter Craig!”
To which I replied (mostly out of shock at being yelled at, “Oh yeah? Well I’m Count Chocula and he ain’t here.”
I feel…lame.
My big confession? I routinely nick all manner of office supplies from the copy/supply room at work: pens, pencils, post-its, rolls of various types of tape, paper clips, legal pads, and one 3-ring binder. I’m a lowly work-study intern so, since I lack an office and since most of my work is filing and copying, I spend most of my day in there.
In my defense, I only take things that I need.
Other than one or two of those really nice pens that actually write well and are far outside my budget as a college student…
Don’t feel bad NinjaChick. You’re OK in my book. I consider it almost a duty among the shat-upon (especially we students) to steal office supplies.
I did this IN FRONT of my boss at a Price Club (now Costco)…When he made some comment about getting me to rearrange 6 or 7 aisles of merchandise BACK to their original places that they occupied a mere 2 hours ago, I grabbed a nearby 5 pound bag of dry pinto beans, took the biggest bite out of the bag, (beans and plastic) and proceeded to spit a stream of pinto beans onto his chest and all the way down to his shoes.
Shock.
Amazement.
Anger.
Then laughter.
[QUOTE=Yeticus Rex]
I did this IN FRONT of my boss at a Price Club (now Costco)…When he made some comment about getting me to rearrange 6 or 7 aisles of merchandise BACK to their original places that they occupied a mere 2 hours ago, I grabbed a nearby 5 pound bag of dry pinto beans, took the biggest bite out of the bag, (beans and plastic) and proceeded to spit a stream of pinto beans onto his chest and all the way down to his shoes.
[QUOTE]
You, sir, are my hero.
I work as a waitress and on a slow night, my coworkers and I took shots at my work place. The bartender was pouring our final drinks - grasshoppers - when the owner walked in. With completely straight faces, the bartender poured another glass for the owner and told him it was a new drink we were trying out, and poured another for the hostess (who previously had not been drinking). It was awesome.