Or as I inadvertantly learned in my last apartment: They are very fond of dried Rumplemintz.
Or in our house, apparently spontaneous generation. There is absolutely nothing to account for the multitudes that seem to appear at the most annoying times and places.
Not swarming anything, just consistently out of reach when targeted for percussive discorporation.
I just started working remotely for a company. They sent me a laptop with a VPN connection, but when it was delivered to my doorstep, it was stolen late that evening. So now I’m paying for the laptop (>$1.6k) and desperately trying to set up the VPN on my home computer. But it’s just not working…
Everyone thinks I’m completely retarded, or whatever the politically-correct term is these days. Groan…
It is not necessary for my boss to call me at 10:30 at night to tell me that you sent me an e-mail with this week’s schedule. It is also not necessary for two or three of my co-workers to call me at my boss’s behest to make sure I talked to my boss to find out about the e-mail. I will see the e-mail and I will be where I am supposed to be when I am supposed to be there.
I think I need to start screening my calls after 9 p.m. Or change my phone number.
Opening times 10am-6pm
Cuntomer drops in Laptop at 6.05pm.
DB: I will have a look at it first thing in the morning
Cunt: OK, I will need it back ASAP
DB: OK, first thing in the morning, but looking at it, it will take most of the day to fix
Cunt: Fine, call me A.S.A.P
DB: OK
Next day at 10.01 am. DB just opened the door, unset the alarm, turned on the lights and PC’s and getting ready, when the phone rings.
Cunt: Did you fix the laptop?
DB: NO, I just arrived.
Cunt: So, it’s not fixed yet
DB: No, I didn’t even have time to work on it yet, but I will ring you once it’s fixed.
Cunt: So, when will it be fixed? I need it ASAP
DB: I will start working on it once I’m off the phone with you?
Cunt: Do that so, but I really really need it ASAP
DB: I can fix it or talk to you about fixing it?
Cunt: Ah, ok fix it then… clang
A user at one of our regional office had her remote fob (a little plastic thing with changing numbers that users need to log on) die on her. I promised to ship her one next-day-AM so she would get it the following morning. I did so. She calls back mid-day the next day angry that she doesn’t have it yet. After a bit of back-and-forth, I discover that she is on vacation, staying at a hotel, halfway across the country from the regional office I shipped the keyfob to.
Did she tell me she was on vacation? Nope.
Did she give me the address of the hotel she was staying at? Nope.
Was I supposed to somehow know she was on vacation and which hotel she was staying at? Apparently.
Reminds me: If my keycard to gain access to the building suddenly stops working, along with those of about 40 othe people, it is NOT acceptable for it to take two full weeks for me to get a replacement.
When I used to work at the University, we could make them in like, 2 minutes. And set up or change their access rights at the same time. It doesn’t make a lick of sense that you people have to ship out to someplace halfway around the world to get another one, nor does it make any damned sense that it takes you more than a week to get around to ordering new ones.
Frankly, it speaks volumes of company incompetence and lack of communications that roughly 40 people’s cards can die all at once and you people haven’t got the slightest clue why and can’t just change that at the server level TODAY.
If we’re having meetings to draft team agreements under our new work environment and you choose not to attend said meetings? Shut up. Seriously.
You may want to have everything done your way, but you’re one against eight. We all managed to shuffle work aside and deal with issues. You chose not to.
It’s not fair for you? Suck it up. You will be required to be in office FOUR times a month. That’s it. Four. Less than one hand. TWO of those four days you will have to be in all day. Oh noes! Right now you’re in office half time. This will be less than half time. The rest of the time you can work where/whenever.
And the mandatory two full days in office will be changed once the county issues technology that allows it. Until then, we came up with a solution that is as close to fair for all of us as possible.
Suck it up, buttercup.
Yes, but did you get the new cover page for the TPS report? Why don’t I just email that to you again?
Speaking of shutting up, would everyone just shut up? This workplace sounds like a gymnasium during basketball practice. Some of us have to concentrate; we have job duties other than sending out emails.
That sounds… really shady to me. If they were shipping an expensive piece of equipment, it was **their **responsibility to specify that a signature was required for delivery. If a signature **was **required, it was the shipper’s responsibility to get one and not leave an expensive package unsecured. Either way, it’s nothing **you **should be held responsible for: either the company fucked up by not requiring a signature, or the shipper fucked up by not getting one.
To quote the Eircom technical support guy: That is just coincidental and unrelated to each other.
Unrelated? My fault? My PC? All 10 of them? At the same time? Half the town has no INTERNET. The people are ringing me and telling me, they got no Internet and I have to fix it.
And you really want me to change my IP settings, when my internal network work, but I get no signal from the exchanger and 20 people just rang me, in and about 2 min after my Internet went down?
And YES, I know you want me to use YOUR crappy pos modem to connect to the Internet and YES I fucking tried that as well and it’s a NO GO, so shut up and send a technician out to fix the exchanger or whatever is faulty at YOUR end.
That was Teh Joy last time I had to call Comcast because the third modem in around 18 months FAILED. Comcast person giving me very basic directions. I tell her that I do tech support for a living and then rattle off what I’ve already done. “Oh, ok. You have a bad modem. We’ll send a guy out with a new one.”
Dear co-workers,
Please stop having meetings in the hallway outside my office door.
No love,
Me.
When that happens, I almost have to physically restrain myself from getting up and SLAMMING the door. I hate oblivious people.
Start participating. I mean, if they’re talking right there, clearly they mean to include you, right?
I did get the new cover page for the TPS report, thanks. I gave it all the consideration it deserved. 
In pretty much all aspects of my real life, I’m good at reading people (here not so much, but that’s not important right now… ). Except my boss. Who I have worked with for eight years. Case in point (and very typical), he has trained me over time to be cheap cheap cheap. Don’t spend money! How can we do this without spending any money!
Comes an issue that would be better if I could spend some money. But I don’t want to because… well, don’t spend any money!
Just got a call from him. “What are you doing? If you need to spend money, then do what you need to do to get this done!” Like I’m an idiot.
I’m so tired of everything being a trap. No matter what I say, no matter the issue, he’s going to go the other way. Even on so far as to act in direct conflict with his stated and well-established preferences and priorities. He always gets to be right and I always get to be wrong. And he always gets to talk to me like I’m an idiot.
Must be a vice president of some sort.
My gripe is users who enter requests without paying attention to what they’re entering - I’ll get a request that says to modify an ID, but dimwit forgot to list the ID and/or what needs to be done.
I am a cube dweller and can’t slam my door. I just step out and request that they move it to a meeting room. I just don’t have time to deal with that level of distraction. They usually apologize and do so (I get the occasional eye roll but being able to concentrate is worth it).