How do guys let you know they like you. What’s different than just a regular “friendship”? No, I’m not slow or anything, my situation is difficult. I work closely with this guy, hes a supervisor, we live and work at a remote site so we spend at least 3 weeks at a time together. He’s giving me signals but I’m not sure if he wants something more or if he’s just a wicked friend.
So … how do I know where the line is? He comes into my office for nothing sometimes, he comes to get me for lunches and dinner, we talk a lot about everything, a few times he’ll come up behind me as I’m working and put his hands on my shoulders, he tries to prolong our time together. 2nd issue … we work together can that be what’s stopping him??
From my experience, and I’d guees most would agree, getting involved w/ a co-worker is not a wise move, and a supervisor even less so. Perhaps the gentleman knows, or sensees, this and he’s having an internal debate. If you do become romantically invoved and it doesn’t work out, which most don’t, it’s, very probably, going to make working there very difficult, maybe even impossible.
The line is that he’s your supervisor. My workplace has a formal, stated policy regarding the inappropriateness of relationships between supervisor and subordinates. (My, that sounds rather S&M!)
And I’m not just wagging my finger and saying, “Tsk, tsk, young lady! You’d better behave prudently!” I’m saying this because I’ve been there.
You don’t want people to think you’re getting special attention because you’re banging the boss. (And they’ll think you are, even if you aren’t banging him.) And no matter how mature, how free-thinking you think you are, if it doesn’t work out, the aftermath will be painful. It would be painful between colleagues. It’s even worse when there’s a supervisor involved.
Suppose you do get involved and your relationship is “outed.” Your supervisor is the one who will bear the brunt of the consequences. As one in a position of power, HE should have known better. If he gets canned, how will you feel? How will your co-workers feel about you?
So, take it easy. Maybe there is something between you. You don’t know yet what it is. My mother had a totally repulsive saying: “Is it headlights or taillights?”
Maybe you’ve met the love of your life, and he has met his. If that’s the case, one of you can take a different job. But don’t jump headlong into a physical relationship that will muddy the waters for you emotionally.
I take it to mean, is this a sign of a relationship starting or a job leaving?
My work place has everyone screwing each other. 4 out of 6 managers are in “relationships” with 3 out of 3 subordinate classes of employees. Unfortunately, it means that most the folks not getting screwed properly are being screwed job-wise.
That being said, my husband and I (we were together when we got the jobs) worked very well together for 7 years. Depending on your maturity level, it may not have any effect on your work experience at all. Do you have a history of amicable break ups? Does he? Have you ever had those overly dramatic, drawn out, bitter break ups?
Know thyself. Don’t base it on your starry eyed view of what will happen (bunny rabbits, rainbows and candy canes) but on your actual track record.
IANAL, and IANYL - but my understanding is that those of you NOT sleeping with the managers have a case if the ones that are are getting any sort of preferential treatment. If it bothers you, document it, call the EEOC and speak to someone. Long time since I filed my case, but someone will do some intake work with you and send them a letter.
My current fiance and I started dating while we were working together.
This is the first time in my life I can say dating a co-worker actually ended up well. But trust me: it was pure chance and luck. I had dated in the workplace before and every single time it was a horrible, unpleasant, someone-better-find-a-new-job mess. Don’t involve yourself with this guy unless you’re willing to leave your job.
Geez, I heard it so often in my youth it never occured to me how puzzling it sounds!
Translation: If you’re attracted to someone, is it “headlights” (i.e., are you attracted to his/her personality, sense of humor, intellect, etc.) or “taillights” (i.e., you have the hots for the him/her)?
(Mom also used to say that someone who talked to much was “vaccinated with a phonograph needle.” That one doesn’t fly too well now either.)
(Your Mom may be related to my family, your explanation is what I’d understood. We claim that someone who’s in a bad mood has “had tiger for breakfast”…)
Note that **FedDove **said that the is A supervisor, not *her *supervisor. (Although maybe he is.)
FedDove, you are asking for the mystery of the universe to be solved. I have the same questions about how to tell if a woman is giving me signals. There is no easy way.
But it sounds to me like he is interested. It could be that working together is what is stopping him. It could be that he is just afraid of rejection. Are you bold enough to make the first move? Can you risk rejection? Maybe that is all that is needed to kick-start the relationship.
Khadaji is right, he is **A ** supervisor just not mine. I do admin for two companies on site and he is the super of one of those companies. We have been spending a lot of time together and its nice. I would like do something to let him know how I feel but I just dont want to lose what we have now. Then again it could get a lot better.
I guess I’ll see how it goes, thank you for all your insights.
[QUOTE=freckafree]
Geez, I heard it so often in my youth it never occured to me how puzzling it sounds!
Translation: If you’re attracted to someone, is it “headlights” (i.e., are you attracted to his/her personality, sense of humor, intellect, etc.) or “taillights” (i.e., you have the hots for the him/her)?
[QUOTE]
That’s totally different from the way I interpreted it. “Headlights” to me was “everything’s going good, I want to drive to see this person, they’re pleased and excited to see me too” and “taillights” was " things have gone drastically wrong, I gotta get out of town as fast as I can! :: jumps into car and screams away in a cloud of dust :: "
I run a very casual office. First name basis with everybody, small talk, family news, personal issues, all that stuff gets covered regularly, but there are some lines that I won’t cross. I’d never put my hands on a staff member unless it was to keep them from falling, or apply first aid in an emergency. Dating one of my staff? Not going to happen. It doesn’t matter if one of them turns out to be my Dulcinea…as long as I’m her boss, she’s off limits. I’m pretty much a fuddy duddy about such things. A sexual harassment suit is the last damn thing I need.
I started dating a coworker about 4 years ago. She is in another department so there was no manager/subordinate problem there. It worked out pretty well…we got married a couple years ago, had a baby in January, and are getting ready for another this summer.
