I think in this specific case it’s an issue of tabletop gaming (at least in my experience) very much being a male-dominated hobby, and as such where one might only be hit on occasionally in say, a book club, I can see how uninvited advances would happen so frequently in a tabletop gaming group as to be distasteful.
That, and without wanting to stereotype unfairly, in my personal experience with tabletop gaming groups (of which I have quite a lot throughout my adolescence), there is an abundance of men with a severe lack of both adequate personal hygiene and capacity for empathy. It is one thing to be flirted with somewhat innocently once in a blue moon, and something else entirely to be hit on relentlessly by someone who either will not take no for an answer or is completely oblivious to any signals of disinterest that would be clear as neon signage to the average man - and this is completely overlooking the fact that to more than a small subsection of the community, deodorant might as well be a city in France.
We’ve all acknowledged that there’s no problem if two people meet at the group and end up hooking up over a round of Ticket to Ride. Some of the women have said they wouldn’t mind meeting a nice guy who shared their interest in gaming.
But there are some men (and they’re all men) who don’t seem to understand this is a gaming group not a singles bar. The fact that a woman is present doesn’t mean she is looking for a date. Most of these women are already in relationships. In some cases, they’re in relationships with men who are there at the same table. However some guys seem to feel that every woman they see is a fair target.
Agreed. If you haven’t read that book, you probably ought to. I think the sequel was Zombies of the Gene Pool, which was also good. Both are about fandom before the internet.
Thanks for the responses guys. In fairness to the “swinging dicks”. I guess I should clarify, these men I speak of aren’t being lewd or saying outright inappropriate things. They are however making it very clear, they have an interest.
Nothing, I’ve witnessed so far warrens a sexual harassment case. Still though, it’s annoying as fuck. And in my 20+ years of training, this is an annoyance I’ve never had to deal with when training a man.
I apologize if I gave the impression that it was worse than it actually was. When I said “Outright flirting” in my OP, it was more along the lines of (paraphrasing): “You look nice… yadda, yadda, yadda… want to do lunch?”
I’m sure there are many “attractive” women out there who are annoyed by such behavior. But has she indicated to you that it’s bothersome? Seems presumptuous to say anything about what goes on in other people’s minds.
I am ashamed to be a man in these situations, regardless of how she may feel. It makes me :rolleyes:.
They need to learn how. (and no, actually I wouldn’t - famous attractive people are also entitled to privacy)
Fine. Do it in an appropriate place and time. Work is not it.
And they’d be an asshole for doing it as well. Learn appropriate behavior.
My response was to Maastricht’s suggestion that sitting behind a screen or finding a more private space would be a good solution to the problem ie: it’s on the woman for flaunting herself.
I agree that famous people are entitled to privacy and not to be bothered in public, but there’s is at least an argument to be made that public figures have for the most part put themselves there, and if we are talking about actors, or politicians, they make a living off of being in the public eye. Women who by the mere accident of being attractive have not voluntarily stepped into public personas. Private citizens who are not in any sense public figures and are simply attractive have an even greater right to be left alone than famous people-- who IMO still have a right to be left alone to eat dinner.
In my case, I am driven away both by “but you’re a girl!”- type behavior and by guys hitting on me and not getting “no” even when I spell it out. It’s also true that many of us have been trained in avoidant behavior: when a dude stands waaaaaay too close, we’re more likely to step away than say “uh, dude, you’re standing way too close”. Very often this means that if there comes a point where a woman tells a dude who’s got a foot and a lot of pounds on her “uh, I’m sorry but you’re, uh, a bit too close” it means “get the hell away from me!”
I tend to have the kind of hobbies where there are more men than women. I recently became the first woman to join one of the local archery clubs; the guys are very happy because the second one joined just a few weeks later (her friends gave her a starter’s bow and the starters course as a big-0-birthday gift). Not uncomfortable around men on account of being men, at all, but obnoxious is obnoxious in any gender, form, size or shape.
The problem is with seeing a woman who’s into X and only seeing
a
vagina!
If you would not offer that advice to a guy, do not offer it to me. If you would not hold a guy like that, do not try to grab me. FFS, if you’re making a list of the best people at X in your club of X do it regardless of gender, sex, body parts and related considerations; if you want to make separate lists by gender do so but do both (I’ve been in several situations where for example a woman had been our tank for the last two months, yet when the guys got to making a list about the best tanks she wasn’t even mentioned - and she was tanking that group, too!). First make friends, later find out if she may be interested in more.
That’s detail wasn’t in you OP and really doesn’t specifically answer the question.
Your drawing that conclusion from that vague and subjective OP?
This thread isn’t about sexual harassment, sounds like these men are being shamed for their sexuality.
They’re being shamed for not doing their work while preventing their coworkers from doing their work. I wouldn’t have thought this concept would be challenging to understand, but apparently it is.