Worried about that "let down" feeling of post-school, new-to-adulthood life

[Qazzz]

I guess I’m not that new to adulthood - I’m 28. But still…

I was a good student in school - valedictorian of high school, lots of activities, attended a top-tier college. I worked hard because I was under the impression that it would all pay off someday. Also, I think I used school as a way to combat the tension within our home - parents divorcing, suicidal sister, money problems, being gay in a small town, etc. Growing up seemed like a lot of hard work.

So now, out of college and working in “the real world,” I feel a bit discouraged. I have no idea what I’d like to do with my life, what I’d even be good at doing, and have little ambition or motivation to find out. Clerical-type jobs have paid the bills, but I’m certainly not moving in an upward motion.

I feel exhausted and spent right at the point in life where most people seem to be flourishing. Is this normal?

I realize this may sound like self-indulgent whining. I understand that every stage of life brings its own challenges and obstacles. But I can’t help but wonder if all the energy I put into “growing up” made any difference at all. Maybe if I didn’t work so hard then, I wouldn’t feel entitled to a more cushy adulthood.

I don’t want to turn into a bitter, cynical asshat. Has anybody else experienced similar feelings while growing up? When everybody told you “You can do anything you want,” “You’ll never have to worry about being poor,” etc., did you believe them wholeheartedly? How did you break out of the delusions that life would lay itself out before you if you worked hard as a kid?

Thanks.

[Duck_Duck_Goose]

Ah. I know this one.

The best thing to do when you find yourself sittin’ around feelin’ sorry for yourself, and wondering, “Is that all there is?”, is to get off your butt and go do something nice for somebody else.

Join a church. Any church. Anything that requires you to get out of the house and interact with other people, and moreover, with people who will expect you to contribute something to the Group, to be more than just a spectator or a passenger.

Join a club, the kind that requires, like, actual effort and interaction with other members, not the kind where you just sit there and watch a film or hear a presentation once a month. Birdwatching is good for this.

Check out Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts, and Big Brothers and Big Sisters. They always need adult volunteers to help with stuff.

Volunteer down at the Salvation Army or the homeless shelter or the animal shelter.

Play the piano at a nursing home once a week.

Volunteer at the local hospital as whatever their version of Candy Stripers is. You go up and down in the elevator all morning, taking flowers to rooms. Or you can help in the hospital gift shop or coffee shop, or work the front desk and answer phones and direct traffic.

Take some Adult Ed classes at the local community college, offbeat things that you never thought you’d be interested in, like Tap Dancing or Ceramics or Conversational Spanish. This invariably opens new doors in unexpected directions.

Get involved in the rest of the world, IOW.

[Solfy]

I had a similar experience when I realized that the “real world” I had been preparing myself for all those years had arrived. It was not unlike post holiday letdown.
I spent years preparing for college, years in college preparing for a career, managed to land a job doing excatly what I had hoped to do making a solid wage. In one year I graduated, got a job, bought a car, moved out on my own, and married. It was a good year, but I found myself spending a lot of time thinking, “Okay, self. You got what you said you wanted. Now what? Is this really what you wanted?”

I keep those thoughts at bay by focusing on the next project - master’s degree, busy work project, two children, the joys of home ownership. I think the key is to realize that you’re never finished, you’re never done growing or evolving. You need to find what it is that challenges and satisfies you.

You are not done yet.

[Zsofia]

It’s really hard. The hardest thing about it is that it’s incredibly hard to make friends now. And I guess for the rest of your life. (Particularly if you don’t go to church.) And all of your school friends drift away or get married to horrible people. And you have to show up to work every day. Even if you do a job you love, and I do.

Personally, I find it helps to keep learning. I’m trying to learn woodworking right now. Next year I’d like to have two weeks at a homestay language school in Mexico. This past summer I spent a week learning to sail a real honest to god schooner.

[Qazzz]

Thanks for the replies, guys. It’s true - there’s a lot more I could be doing with my time. Maybe all of these feelings are stemming from stir-craziness and not nearly as critical as they seem.