In this thread, I mentioned this utterly useless tic-tac-toe game that a wealthy aunt once gave me for Christmas. Great googly moogly. In addition to this though, two other horrible Christmas presents come to mind.
When I was in the second grade, we had a Christmas exchange gift program in our class. You know how that works… Each child brings a gift-wrapped present, and we randomly exchange them for the present brought by some other child.
Every single child in our class got some sort of toy. Well, except for me. Apparently, some mother decided that a gift-wrapped white handkerchief would make a really nifty present for a seven-year-old boy. It was a pretty miserable day for me, I assure you.
When I was nine years old, one of my aunts decided to give my brother and me a pair of clothes hangers. Not just any clothes hangers, mind you; these were pastel-colored hangers with animal faces on them. I don’t remember what types of animals these were – a dog and a bear, perhaps – but I do remember thinking, “These aren’t any fun, and they’re pretty close to useless.”
My mother tried to make us feel better. “Oh, but they’re so pretty!” she said. “They’re really nice! Why wouldn’t you want to use these?” As you can imagine, that wasn’t very convincing.
As I mentioned in the other thread, my family are pretty good when it comes to Christmas presents. Even the cheap ones are generally well-thought-out, and pretty useful. This makes the winner of the “worst ever” award easy to spot…
It was not to me, but to Younger Daughter. It was a set of four pop-up books. That’s strike one - I wouldn’t trust her with pop-up books NOW, a year later, let alone at two months! (well, actually I’d trust her at two months because she wouldn’t even be able to pick them up … anyway, you know what I mean). I’d only just trust Big Sister, at three, not to destroy them.
They were called “The Fairy Princess”. They featured the adventures of the two fairies Snowdrop and (shudder) Tissie Winkle (where’s the pukey smiley when you need it?) as they flew around to announce a party for the Princess Crystal.
And by “adventures” I mean - fly to some fairies, tell them to bring some stuff to the party. Fly to some other fairies and tell them to bring some stuff to the party. Fly to some other fairies and…
Four books’ worth. Admittedly not big books, but still easily the worst childrens book I’ve ever had put me (but not the kids) to sleep
Two years ago, my husband’s parents gave him, among other things, a baseball cap and a sleeve of golf balls. OK, maybe not horrid gifts in and of themselves, but my husband has *never * worn a baseball cap except when he was in the Navy and it was part of his uniform - and that ended in 1984. And he as played at golf exactly once. He’s never expressed any interest in learning to play or ever wanted to play again.
How can parents be so wrong about their firstborn?
As for me: one year, I was helping my mother wrap a couple of generic items, just in case someone showed up with a gift for her, she’d have something to give in return. Once the gift giving was winding down, she noticed that my pile of loot was very, very small, so she grabbed one of the generic boxes and gave it to me. It wasn’t so much the gift but that I’d been pretty much forgotten. I know it wasn’t intentional - heck, I’m one of 5 kids, so that’s a lot to keep track of - but it still hurt.
Many many years ago my brother thought he’d hit on the ideal solution as to what to get his sister (me) for Christmas, he gave some money to his girlfriend to buy me something.
She bought me an item of clothing. I’ve no idea what you’d call it, it wasn’t a dress, and it wasn’t a skirt. It was like those apron things the girls in Little House on the Prairie wore over their dresses.
It was 4 sizes too small…
I told him it didn’t fit, so she took it back and got it in a size bigger
And it was still hideous. Gawd knows where she bought it, and feck knows why she thought I or anyone else would wear the blasted thing, they weren’t exactly the height of fashion in the 80s (were they?!)
On several occasions people have given me make-up. I’m 41 years old and have “never” (aside for weddings) worn make-up.
My Secret Santa at work gave me “chignon” which turns out to be a fake pony tail.
I thought she had gotten her presents mixed up, but she said she was just re-gifting a “present” that was just as useless to her as to any man. The next year we both wisely opted out of the game.
I mentioned my wife’s clueless grandmother who gives us fiber-optic angels and used address books with some pages missing.
Well, one year, she gave me a toolkit. It came in a low-impact plastic case, and included a bunch of tools made from white metal. That’s soft, breakable metal. I used a nut wrench on my bike, and the wrench broke off on the first pull. The Philips screwdriver’s guides got worn down to a nub the first time I tried to put a screw in wood with it. The carry-case had a built-in red flashing light for car emergencies, and a flashlight on the front. It glowed with all of two watts! You could see it from, oh, six feet away. It took EIGHT D batteries. The only way to turn the lights on and off was to unscrew the red tail light thing from its socket. There was no on/off switch. She gave one to her son (the fireman) and grandson (the master carpenter). They haven’t used theirs, either.
I sort of dread what I could be getting this year.
It’s our custom to exchange names between brothers and B/SIL in our immediate family, last year my step brother got my name, and gave a Rocky Horror Picture Show trivia game, it’s been over ten years since I was into TRHPS. I don’t know anyone I knew back then, and don’t know anyone now who likes TRHPS to play the game with. I suck at it myself. I guess it was just kind of indicative of how close we are. The last he was ever around me, except for occasional holidays, I was into Rocky. I almost posted to the ‘Are you estranged from your family?’ thread, because I once went for 5 years without speaking to any of them, over their disapproval over my second marriage. (They were right, BTW.)
One year, I gave my sister a brand-new toilet for Christmas. She needed one, and when you really need a toilet, you appreciate getting one. But my mother just pitched a fit about what a horribly unsuitable gift it was. My mother favors gifts that are sentimental or decorative rather than useful. Instead of giving my sister a toilet, my mother gave her an expensive coffee-table art book. Well and good. But when you need to take a crap, which would you rather have, a book or a toilet? I rest my case.
My parents gave me a fully-stocked toolbox (mostly Craftsman) for Christmas when I was a senior in high school. I loved it, but a lot of friends and relatives went out of their way to comment on what an inappropriate gift it was for a “young lady.” I’ve had to upgrade to a larger toolbox since then, but I still have the original box and I’m still using the tools.
My worst Christmas gift (that I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing about): when I was about 4 or 5, my parents and my maternal grandparents attended a family reunion/Christmas gathering. I was the youngest in attendance. There was a gift exchange; one of the relatives thought it would be “cute” if I handed out the gifts. I was assured repeatedly that there was a nice gift at the bottom of the pile for me. I carefully took each gift to the appropriate relative (I barely knew any of them; I could read the names on the packages, but someone had to point out the actual person.) I finally reached the bottom of the stack and…nothing with my name on it. The hostess assured me that she had something special for me, she had just forgotten to wrap it. She returned a short while later with a box of peanut brittle. I was in tears by that point, and my grandmother was furious – I understand she gave quite a few of the event organizers a piece of her mind. She stopped on the way home and got me a little toy car to go with one of my playsets; it’s packed up now, but I still have it.
When I was about 22, the guy I was dating gave me a Swiss Army Knife for Xmas. It was a very odd gift and it wasn’t terribly long after that that we decided we weren’t compatible.
Mmmm - Mr Aspy gave me a swiss army knife for my birthday once. It’s in my pocket right now. He also gave me an adjustable spanner for another birthday, and a Melbourne street directory the year I was leaving for Scotland for five years.
These are all some of my favourite presents. Did I mention I’m a bit wierd like that?
I would have so loved Jeep’s Phoenix’s toolkit. Still would, actually. Maybe I should give out some hints!
We had a “Secret Santa” gift exchange at the company I used to work for. All presents were anonymous, decided by closed ballot. All was going well until we realised the CEO had two gifts in the box. One was the usual quaint frippery… the other, which had clearly been added to the box after the fact, was a pack of condoms for the man with “extra-small” needs. He unwrapped it then ran out of the room and threw them in the trash, looking mucho pissed off. We never did find out who did it.
The sister to whom I was closest growing up routinely gives me utterly horrible presents. One year it was a box of ginger snaps; the year after that, a clothes hamper.
The sister I got along with worth as a child, on the other hand, gives brilliant presents, as she evidently thinks about them before purchasing; she’s given books I’d actually want to reads, globes and other knick-knacks I immediately hunt for a place to display, and so forth.
One of my brother routinely gives exercise and weight loss manuals to persons he perceives as overweight. Though his perception is generally right, he doesn’t seem to get why this is … annoying.
What is it about Secret Santa at work? I had the same co-worker pull my name twice in a row. The first year I got a soap dish, the next year I got a long distance calling card.
I at least put some effort into my gifts to my co-workers…one year I gave a movie theater gift certificate to the co-worker who loved movies, and another year I made a Bubble Bath in a Basket for another co-worker who loved baths. It included some bath salts, some hand-knitted washcloths, and a couple of those mini-bottles of wine.
My mother-in-law is not only infamous for her cooking, but also for her gift-giving.
Last year she gave her 5 year old nephew second hand colouring books. Some of the pages had already been coloured in. Suspected source: a garage sale. The discount store sells brand new colouring books for under $1 each, but I’m sure MIL got a bargain price on the second hand ones.
My dad’s wife always gives awful generic presents. She’s one of those peopple who just picks up random gifts through out the year and then mails 'em out promptly on Nov. 1. One year she gave me a XL large hot pink halter top. I’m a fairly petite person up top and there’s no way in heck I’d even begin to fill out an XL halter top but I guess she sees me as a large person (she’s rail thin).
My brother-in-law once gave us a copy of Ralph Bakshi’s Wizards on VHS. It wasn’t that I found it to be unwatchable drek that made it a crappy gift. It was that it was no longer shrink wrapped, nor even re-wound fully, and had dust encrusted coffee stains on the cover. Classy.
I thought of another one. My mother in law has got me shirts, at least twice. Hideous, patterned polyester shirts from Wal-Mart. In XXL. Everybody in her family is XXL or XXXL. I don’t think she’s even aware of sizes smaller than that. You could have fit three of me in one of those monstrosities, and we would all have looked like ass.
Actually, I need both a toilet AND a book to take a crap. And some nice soft toilet paper afterwards, and then some premoistened towelettes. However, I wouldn’t want to take a nice art book into the bathroom with me.
If I needed a toilet, I’d be delighted to receive one as a gift. It would mean that the giver really knew me.
I’ve had to upgrade to a larger toolbox since then, but I still have the original box and I’m still using the tools.