The Kilmer/Brando Island of Dr. Moreau. I want those hours back with interest. It was bad to begin with, and just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the director would ramp up the repulsion with Val Kilmer in a ill-fitting sarong and a grubby pig-woman. And then they’d throw in that Brando homonculus. What the hell were they thinking? What the hell was I thinking?
The ultimate horror: I was hornswaggled into seeing “Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.” Just think of Cher, Karen Black, and Sandy Dennis trying to do some serious acting. Quite possibly this is the worst movie ever made.
Highlander II. I win.
Hair
I grew up on the Original Cast album, could sing every line:
…tell him Angela and I
don’t want the two dollars back,
just him…
…sodomy,
fellatio
cunnilingus
pederasty…
…I would just like to say
that it is my conviction
that longer hair and other flamboyant
affections
of appearance
are nothing more
than the male’s emergence
from his drab camouflage
into the gaudy plumage
that is the birthright
of his
sex…
and I truly believed the human body was beautiful, and that the war in vietnam was evil.
Then, years later, I heard at last they’d made a movie, and that Twyla Tharp had choreographed it in her own inimitable style (I’d never seen it, just read about it)
I race to see it, and I hated every minute of it. I hated the people up there on the screen. I actually wanted to hurt Treat Williams!
I left the cinema before the film ended, straightening my tie and angrily clutching my briefcase to my side…
No. It wasn’t me - that’s a joke. It really was a noxious film. Never even saw much dancing I’m afraid.
Redboss
I have to agree with Dungeons & Dragons I htought that this could have been such a good movie - unfortuantly it was the worst I have ever seen. Ever. It steals from some big hit movies (Star wars, Indian Jones(The Maze sequence) but badly -
Urghhhhhh
It would have to be Magnolia.
It just seemed too long, over three hours.
I usually really like those movies with many stories wrapped around oneanother. It had a few good moments but as
I said before, it was too long and got boring.
C’mon guys, hands down it has got to be “The Fast and the Furious”. My jaw hurt from yawning during the movie.
I find it hard to even type the name of the movie, but it’s the longest, most horrible piece of nonsense ever: Meet Joe Black. You know how some movies are so bad they’re good? Well this one’s so bad it comes back in the other side (ala Pacman) and it’s back at being really really bad. I have to echo the old piece of advice to anyone who sees this on a shelf at the video library, which is that you shouldn’t even borrow a video on the same shelf, in case it’s contagious.
Some death metal band named their record after this movie, which isn’t funny at all, actually. It stands as the most evil record title ever, bringing to mind as it does, the worst piece of … damn, I’m waxing lyrical now. It doesn’t deserve any words, just a sign on all copies of the video with ‘WRONG WAY - GO BACK’.
In defense of Crunchy, Barton Fink was one of the worst suckjob movies to hit the screens in years.
Let me define my parameters. Was it as bad as Battle Beyond the Stars? Was it as bad as Ishtar? Was it as bad as almost any Julia Roberts movie? Of course not. But coming from the Coen boys, there is a certain caliber of film expected.
Normally I’m a big Coen Bros. fan, Miller’s Crossing is still one of my favorite movies of all time. However, with Barton Fink they seemed to be trying to see how far they can push the audience. Plot? We don’t need no stinkin’ plot that makes sense. It does have some great talent in it like Turturro, Goodman, John Mahoney, and one of my faves Jon Politto. But it just never clicked. It had a promising start, but then just devolved into a huge test of patience. You’ve got to be careful when you shoot for the weird end of the movie spectrum. You can either succeed like Erasehead or Ken Russell’s Gothic or you can bomb like Barton Fink.
My own pick for worst movie I’ve paid to see: Robocop 2, 'nuff said.
Scary Movie.
At the risk of coming off like a neanderthal, I gotta agree with Crunchy – I hated Barton Fink. But it’s not the worst, even to my neanderthal sensibilities.
There have been a lot of good suggestions here. I’ll agree with:
Battlefield Earth
RoboCop2
Lost Horizon (The musical version – I showed it at my Bad Film Festival this year)
If I may cheat a little, and interpret “paid” as meaning “either saw in a theatre, or rented,” then Gone With The Wind is by far the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
And yes, Dungeons and Dragons supersucked, and ripped off Star Wars: The Phantom Menace at every turn (I hated that film too, btw).
I was a little bit surprised that Leaving Las Vegas was mentioned here. Don’t get me wrong, I disliked it thoroughly, but I don’t know what it did to qualify as a “worst movie.” It was pretty frikking bad, but I’ve seen worse.
Starship Troopers. No contest. There were one or two redeeming qualities to the movie, but they were both attached to the redhead…
I’m curious, 'brox. Why do you feel this way? I’m not questioning your right to this opinion and/or your sanity (okay, maybe just a little :D), but I think you’re definitely in the minority on this GWTW=Major Suckage thing and I’d like to know where that comes from.
I’ll agree on Mission to Mars doing the Hoover. Before then, I’d never seen a movie so bad that major laws of physics allowed themselves to be broken in order for it to end sooner.
Eliminators. “A former pilot rebels against his creator, teaming up with the scientist responsible for android technology, her pet robot Spot, a rough-and-tumble riverboat guide, and a martial arts warrior.”
Starring Denise Crosby.
No, really!
Ethilrist, I paid to see that movie, and it’s GREAT! I showed it at a Bad Film Festival years ago. Just because a movie is substandard and stupid is no reason to day it’s BAD. I’d rather watch The Eliminators again than watch Waterworld
Juniper. Aside from its soporific storyline, and its characters that no sane person could ever like - or even think of as “human”, GWTW is also the most bigoted film ever made. And if my thinking so puts me in the minority, then I’m in good company. insert smiley
Seriously, I’ve met many people who thought the same thing. OTOH, I’ve met many people who wanted to question my sanity. insert another smiley
Little note: maybe I should get over my profound dislike of emoticons. It takes more time and effort to write insert smiley than it does to make one. Oh well. Another bullet in the gun of those who wish to question my sanity. you know the drill, just insert the damn thing
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (sp? I wouldn’t look up the proper spelling on IMDB if you paid me.)
I walked out. I also endured criticism from people who are into movies WAY more than I am for doing so.
I’d have to say it’s a tossup between Stepmom and Pootie Tang (which I walked out of after about 20 minutes.)
Oh, and TroubleAgain, Scary Movie was brilliant.
Battlefield Earth by far. Easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen.