Worst Names Ever

Working in a store, I met a guy whose last name was Whacker.

This led me to ponder the endless annoyance of having an odd name. In roll call, he had to answer for Whacker. Whacker was written on all his uniforms. When people want to be respectful to this man, they call him Mr. Whacker.

I have a cousin named Knight who named her daughter Rainy Summer. My mother swears she once found a “Hepatitis Jackson” listed in LA phone book. Finally, after reading this thread, we should all pop in the tape(?) of the SNL skit with Nicholas Cage and Victoria Jackson where NC keeps finding excuses not to name the new baby any of VJ’s suggestions. At the end of the skit, gets a package addressed to Mr. Asswipe (that’s Ahs-WEE-pay).

AAAghhh, my sides hurt!
On our city council we have a Jew Don Boney.

How do you top that?
It’s Jew Don Boney, Jr.

Did I mention (this thread is getting long) that I once ran across an Anita Bonar? Anita makes a good first name, as Stitt makes a good last name. The one I cannot figure out is a performance artist whose name I heard several years ago: Akilah Blakwomyn. How, pray tell, does this NOT sound like “I’ll kill a black woman”? Doesn’t this offend anyone?? Is this a given name? An intentionally taken one? Why in the WORLD hasn’t she changed it to something less offensive? It’s like Akickah Dekytteez. Ick.

What, does no-one remember Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo? (“that’s the worst name I ever heard” - Moe)

Personally, I always felt bad for the former Japanese Prime Minister Takeshita

TRUE STORY…

While at the hospital for a broken arm, i over heard a black woman with a small child at the reception desk. during check in, the nurse asked the childs name. “Sha Thead” replied the woman. The nurse asked her to spell it.
“S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D” replied the mother. Shithead…the child is destined for a horrible life.

Also, there was a girl i went to high school whos first name was pronounced Dee O Gee. However, it was spelled Dogg.

I went to high school with a girl named Dwendolyn D. Daggett. We just called her Dwen.

I read in a “Texas History” column in my local newspaper about a man who lived in Texas in the 1800’s whose name was “James James.” His last name (family name) was James, and his first name was James, too. He didn’t have a middle name. His nickname was “Double Jimmy.”

I’m a Texan. I know all about Ima Hogg, and the urban legend about her sister, Ura.

Is that man a medievalist? The Cloud of Unknowing is the name of a famous medieval religious treatise.

Its not Hue Jass, its Hugh Jass, sounds the same, but Hugh is a real name you doof!

I went to school with Ronald McDonald.

No, really.

He didn’t even have orange hair then…go figure!?!

When we questioned why his parents would have saddled him with that name, we discovered McDonalds hadn’t started the Ronald campaign when he was born.

My mom also told me that she knew a guy named Hollowpeter who married a gal named Longerbone. Sorry, no cites there!

I went to high school with a girl named Charity Muff. Popular girl.

Crunchy Frog went to school with a girl named Velvett Beavers. [sub]I saw the yearbook entry[/sub]

I’m a vision screening tech for the district’s elementary schools. You can imagine the names I see every day.
Some of my recent favorites:

SirJohn Governur Millhouse (this one really stuck with me!)

Titi’kaka

Floribama

Goneria (just reminds me of an STD)

Mr. C (I asked him why his name was Mr. C and he said his momma already had a Clarence Jr.)

Exclamation! (with the exclamation point), who had sisters named Temptation, Lonjer’a, (yes, pronounced like Ladies’ Lingerie) and Heavenleigh. Last name Lee.

What really gets me is the weird spellings of common names or the names that could be pronounced a number of ways, yet the kids get all irate when you mispronounce.

Of all the names I’ve seen, Wanda’full Williams is my favorite. It’s just so darn cheerful.

Here in town there is a Dr. Slaughter - a dentist. I haven’t decided if that’s appropriate or not.
While working at H&R Block, I came across a number of doozies, but only one has stuck in my mind. Virginious “Smith.” Now there’s a boy who’s going to learn to fight early.
There is also the Funking Conservatory, run by Dori & Marty Funk. Be real careful saying that; it’s a school for professional wrestlers.

Hey, that’s Robert Hoover from Animal House!

A well-known TV chef in Britain is Nigella Lawson. She has one sibling, a sister called Thomasina.

Dontcha think they have realised their parents were waiting for sons [to call them Nigel and Thomas], but ended up with a couple of girls instead? How depressing it must be for them.

My best friend’s dentist used to be, not sure of the spelling on this, Dr. Shlockter.

My brother’s best friend has an uncle named Richard Head.

Shitty McItchfuck.

That’s an awful name.