Well, I have a simple poll this time, inspired by the recent Masters of the Universe remake on the Cartoon Network. (With the whiney teenage He-Man and the “kewl” Anime-style filming techniques )
One of the supporting “hero” characters for this version is named “Mekaneck,” who’s cybernetic augmention is the ability to stretch his neck out about 30 feet or so. That’s it. Really. While he’s getting in sword fights, even.
Even aside from the more mundane questions such a superpower raises, (Like: “Did he choose that particular augmentation himself?” And, “How close to CUTTING OFF HIS HEAD did the cyberneticists come when working on him?”) I’m left wondering: Is this truly the WORST superpower ever used in a cartoon/comic/movie? And if not, what’s #2?
So, what do YOU think? Does know of an even WORSE superhero? Like someone who had the power to control skin mites, or something?
But I have read a short story featuring “Theme Music Man,” doomed to eternal sidekickery with the power of being able to create appropriate music for any situation from thin air. Even the big-name heroes he hung out with got sick of him, because he was too loud and spoiled the stakeouts.
I would’ve saidBouncing Boy in the Legion of Super Heroes, except they did some interesting things with him nd his severe limitations – all he did was bounce.
How about The Inferior Five? Of course, the whole point was supposed o be that they were bad – Awkwardman, for instance.
Skunkor from He-Man (I think that was his name, they were fairly unoriginal back then). He was a skunk. He smelt bad. His figure smelled like a pine fresh car freshiner. Not very cool when the only thing you have to use at the bars to pick up ladies is “I can make you retch with my stench, oh yeah!”
And in the recent X-Force line, there’s a guy named Lard or something (I don’t know, I don’t really read it), but basically, he gats really fat and uses said fat to smother people. Oh, goodie!
Aw, come on - that was their weaknesses that made them funny, and AW was a lot like ** The Tick ** in some ways - real strong, almost invulnerable, tended to wreck the area accidentally…
** Bosda ** is closer. The Legion and its affiliates had a few stupid ones - how about ** Color Kid ** was it? Changed the color of things?
Bouncing Boy and Matter-Eater Lad, despite the dumb names were actually useful. Bouncing Boy was near-impossible to hit in combat and no prision could hold Matter-Eater Lad. He was also good for getting rid of Kryptonite.
On the other hand…Legion of Super-Heroes rejects:
Plaid Lad! - Turns things plaid
Arms-Fall-Off Boy - Um… his arms fall off at the first sign of danger
Double Header - He has two heads. They don’t like each other and argue a lot.
Antenna Lad - Can pick up radio broadcasts from the past.
Eyeful Ethel - Has eyes on the back of her head.
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Captain Marvel (not the Marvel or D.C. varients); In the 1960s, there was a character named Captain Marvel who could turn himself into a quadrapalegic by yelling “Split”: his arms and legs would shoot off and act on their own. Yelling “Xam!” pulled them back together.
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And the two dumbest origins (you didn’t ask, but what the hell) are the Golden Age Black Terror. He was a pharmacist and Nazis were in his drug-store for some reason so he said “I’ll show THEM!” and mixed everything in his drugstore together (laxatives, tranquilizers, midol…) and drank it so that he’d gain super-powers to combat injustice! (I’d love to see Hunter S. Thompson write this guy)
And, from the Legion of Super-Heroes: Chloraphyll Kid fell into a vat of fertilizer, thus can make plants grow.
Hawkman always seemed kind of weak to me. “Ooo I have wings and can fly! Ooo!” You’re a man dressed as a bird. Now shut up and get me some more newspaper for your room.
And then, of course, there was the Walrus. Proportinate strength and speed of a walrus, and he wore a walrus outfit. Pretty sad.
Changing colors…I’m sure that would be useful but I can’t think how. Couldn’t you blind people?
Hawkman always seemed kind of weak to me. “Ooo I have wings and can fly! Ooo!” You’re a man dressed as a bird. Now shut up and get me some more newspaper for your room.
And then, of course, there was the Walrus. Proportinate strength and speed of a walrus, and he wore a walrus outfit. Pretty sad.
Changing colors…I’m sure that would be useful but I can’t think how. Couldn’t you blind people?
Dazzler from Marvel Comics. When music played she could send out beams of colored light from her body. If the volume was loud enough, she could fire laser beams.
Matter-Eater Lad does tend to spring to mind. He was particularly silly (as was the name).
Not mentioned so far were Radar-Sonar Man, The Cometeer, Quake-Master, Sphinx Man, Mighty Moppet, King Kandy, Super-Charge, Hypno-Man and The Yankee Doodle Kid – in other words, all the lame one-shot heroes that showed up in Dial H for Hero (especially the Robby Reed version). There’s a list at http://users.aol.com/censulj/lsh/dial_h.htm – read it and weep.
OTOH, the original Plastic Man was one of the great comic characters of all time.
…remember when he turned into a pinball machine and he willed the ball into various slots for what power he could use?
Plastic Man was always a spoof when I saw it - played as a joke (against an enemy who claimed he had a patent on the wheel - I remember a henchman holding up a kid on a tricycle for 30 cents royalties.) - used a few times too - Jimmy Olsen took a potion to be Elastic Lad or something, and Mr. Fantastic, who was smart and could stretch.
I don’t know if he was a one-shot or what, but Spider-Man once went up against The Spot. Scientist Johnny Ohn got caught up in a lab accident and found his body turned white with large black polka dots. He could peel them off his body and toss them around and they acted like cartoon “portable holes”. He got so he put his arm through one and have his fist come out another hole dozens of feet away, letting him deliver a remote punch.
I always thought Cypher from The New Mutants was … well, I don’t want to say that the power sucks, because being able to read any language you want is pretty freaking cool. But is there a reason to bring him out in the field with you? How useful is he going to be in a fight?
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