worthless piece of shit excuse for a father

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok. I know I don’t like my ex-husband. Hence the term “ex”. I expect to not appreciate a good portion of what he does/says, etc. Hence the term ex.

However. When he does shit to our son, it becomes unfuckinfathomable.

Witness: one year ago, Ben was set to spend Spring break with his dad, who was driving to Florida to see relatives. Ben started getting sick on Sunday prior to their Thursday departure. Diagnosis Mono. talked to family doc, who said ‘as long as Ben’s feeling fine, no problem with him going’ Dad starts backing off of taking him. Tuesday Ben starts getting worse, additional afterhours clinic visit adds “strep” to the mix. Tell dad, we start thinking Ben might not be up to the trip. Wednesday, Ben gets worse, Wednesday evening, doc tells me to get him to the hospital to be admitted. We go. I contact his dad to let him know Ben’s going in the hospital. Dad arrives at the ER at the point when they’ve just told me he’s going in to the ICU because they’re concerned an emergency tracheotomy may be in his immediate future. Dad hangs out for a while, then leaves to go to work (midnight shift). We’re still at ER. They come to tell me they’re calling in a surgeon for a consultation (3 am), because they’re concerned he may need immediate surgury. (he doesn’t). He’s finally admitted to a private room at ICU around 4 am, nurses come in regularly to wake him up to start breathing again. 8 am, close family friend (also dad’s supervisor at work) shows up, bringing $20 from dad ‘for Ben to buy some magazines or something’ while he’s at the hospital, since (ahem) he’s on his way to Florida.

I mean what kind of sick son of a bitch leaves on a vacation with their kid in ICU?

Wondering why I’m remembering it now? well, 'cause everytime he gives me another example of what a low life fuckin excuse of a father he is, I tend to recall some of the other ‘highlights’ , and wanted y’all to see the next one in context (it’s not worse, but hell, I wasn’t here last year when the above happened - actually I was at the hospital pretty much non stop for the 4 days he was in).

Today is Ben’s birthday. 17 years old. His dad just dropped off Ben’s card to me at work. casually mentions, that there’s a check in there for Ben. You’re thinking from his father? nope (tho’ there may be one from his dad, too) it’s from a car dealership that promises to ‘pay you to buy here’. Dad and I had “agreed” to not let him buy a car (Ben’s saved 2 grand on his own for the purpose) until his grades were up. Dad forgot this, and took him out to a notorious dealership in the area, where dad’s son in law (from his 4th wife) works. They bought a car (sitting at dads til his grades are up). Check came for ‘mileage’ to Ben.

Dad says “remind him he owes me mileage for that”. **Motherfucker ** is charging his son mileage for taking him out to buy a car.

Fuckin pisswad vermin ridden vacuous vomitrocious self centererd pisspoor excuse for a sperm donor!

2

This cretin could be an uncle of mine who did the same sorts of shit to one of my cousins. In a simiar vein, when my grandpa died, in the limo ride back from the funeral my scumbag uncle hit my grandma up for my grandpa’s new car.

This sort of verimin would best be dealt with if there were a hunting season on them. We’d be able to cull them and limit their population.

I do know what you’re going through wring and you and especially Ben have my sympathy.

The only consolation I can give you is that in the long run, if my cousin and uncle’s relationship can be used as a basis for comparison, your ex will be out in the cold when Ben gets older.

Your ex, my uncle: Goddamn asshole douchebag dickwads.

Fenris

3

Bill him for the time you spend couriering the bill to Ben, and the money back to your ex.

4

Happy Birthday, Ben!!!
:slight_smile:

5

I just have to post here.
wring, your story reminded me too much of something my father did to my mother before they divorced.

She had breast cancer and was in the hospital for therapy and was very sick. My father would not go see her and he wouldn’t take ME to see her., either. I had to sneak off with one of my mom’s friends so I could visit her. Her hair fell out, and she wore a wig for a while because she had no self esteem (also his fault). He threw that away, yelling and screaming, along with her contact lenses (those went in the toilet) with me standing right there.

And that’s not the worst he’s done. My earliest memory ever is of my mom buying me a little Care Bear balloon. One of those little ballons on a stick that you get in the supermarket? I fell in love with this balloon., because every time we went food shopping, I ALWAYS begged for one and this time I finally had it! But when we got to the car, my father got mad at something, ripped the balloon from my four year old fist, threw it out the window and ran over it. I can still here it popping.
My earliest memory of my entire life.

Oh, the stories I could tell. I am insecure and he makes me feel like I never do anythng right. The last straw was when he hit me. Across the mouth, he did, and made me bleed. I refused to see him for six months, but even now, he’s still a bastard.

I can sympathize with you, wring, and with Ben (Happy birthday, by the way!!! I’m 17, too, isn’t it great!?) and just had to write this out so that you know there are people out there who will sympathize and stand behind you. You probably already know this, but it never hurts to hear it again.

Happy thoughts!

6

wring, excluding the fact your ex actually acknowledges the fact that he has a son, I think we married clone sons of bitches.

I, too, have a Ben. He’s now twenty. My Ben has seen his real father maybe 12 times since he was a year old. Truthfully, my ex has never been “mean” to him; he has never even attempted any form of communication with him whatsoever.

Ben has never received any kind of birthday or Christmas gifts from his father. (Or his grandparents from that side of the family, either.) He has never received a card. He has never received a telephone call that wasn’t prompted by me. In short, he has been completely ignored. Even when my Ben did try to form some kind of bond with his father, he was dismissed after about three days; I was informed of how Ben was only there to visit to get money from him. I have no idea where this came from, except to my ex it sounded like a really good reason to get rid of him early, and it worked. I went and got him that day.

When my ex’s father died, Ben did receive a call about that. And was promptly berated for not having attended the funeral. It’s hard to attend a funeral a week after the fact, and even had I known about it in advance, I’d have never mentioned it to my son. Why would he break his neck to drive an hour to see a man who couldn’t even remember his name or hadn’t even spoken to him since he was five years old?

Needless to say, I despise that whoremongering motherfucker so much it makes my goddamn teeth itch. [insert fire-breathing smilie here] The way he’s done my son (yes MYson!) is completely disgraceful.

Maybe both of our exes will roast on a short spit in Hell together.

7

There was a family who lived in our house some years back and there seemed to be problems in the family (I found out he smacked her around a bit when we had to apply stain sealer to some blood drops on the wall and ceiling). He decided to end it all and shot himself at the garage where he worked. What day did he pick? Why, his 8-year-old son’s birthday! I guess he wanted to make sure the kid thought of him at least once a year.

8

My heart goes out to all of you. I don’t have any personal experiences of this kind, but I have a question.

Disclaimer: By asking this question, I am in NO WAY trying to imply that your exes’ horrible behavior is at all your fault or responsibility. I am in NO WAY pulling a Dr. Laura on you all.

Anyway…

What were these guys like before you had kids with them? Were they assholes? Or did they change after they sired a child? Were there any signs that they would be such dickheads? How does this happen? What are the clues?

Good thoughts to all the Bens (you, too, Deiket).

9

thanks Fenris one other sad thing we have in common, eh?

I like your idea Ethilrist - Trouble is, I mentioned the $26 I’ve spent on Ben’s 5 prescriptions that he’s had in the past couple of weeks, he blinked a couple of times, will wait til I submit copies of the reciepts.

thanks Kinsey for the b’day wishes. I think that’s part of my gig today, too. For the first time in his life, all I had for him for his b’day was stuff he’d specifically picked out. “this pair of shorts, this shirt”. And I pride myself on creative gift giving. Sigh. But I will pass on your wishes.

Deiket, Silky Thread, cleosia, thanks. I do know that he’s not even the biggest jerk around (sad, isn’t it?) and it’s miraclous in the extreme that some kids can be biologically related to, live around, have exposure to jerks such as this and be able to survive, survive well (pat yourselves on the back, Deiket, Silky.

Other things we’ve dealt with:

  1. When we moved and he moved, it became a long distance call. He called my office once (local call), to send this message: “tell Ben the reason I haven’t been calling is 'cause it’s long distance and I’m trying to make only the really important calls”.

  2. When Ben was about 6 I think, he threatened to take me to court 'cause he disapproved of the haircut I’d let him get (it had 2 little lines cut in over each ear). Wish he had.

  3. One of my personal favorites is this message on the answering machine “Ben, I’m calling to tell you I’ve got really great news- I’ve joined ‘Promise Keepers’ a group for men, about being good fathers and husbands. It’s really important. Oh, and by the way, I can’t see you this weekend 'cause I made a committment to a friend of mine to take him hunting”.

  4. He’s charged Ben to do laundry. On many occasions, he’s promised to pay him to do extra big chores over at his house, but by the time payment time comes around it becomes “well, this is your punishment for (fillintheblank)” or “well, I rented you some videos”.

  5. Ben is the 3rd sperm recipient (I’m beginning to like that concept). The first was a son born to wife #1, divorced wife, signed off on parental rights on son. Second was daughter born to fiancee #2, that child was put up for adoption. When Ben was about 5, child #1 ‘found’ dad, and started coming to visit - on Ben’s weekends ('cause dad ‘needed time on his own, too’). I told him I was taking a vacation, his reply, in front of our son was “good, that means I won’t have to have Ben that weekend and I can just have ‘other kid’”

  6. He drives a truck, had somewhere around 30 bumper stickers. Lots advertising his favorite radio stations, a person fave “yea, you can have my gun, bullets first”, “Hunt with your kids, not for them”, etc. but wouldn’t put up the ones we gave him “my child was student of the week” or “my child is on the honor roll” or “school band is bandtastic”. (My SO, only has one bumper sticker on his truck - the band tastic one).

  7. hasn’t bothered attending school functions mostly. No parent teacher gigs, missed half of his band concerts or left early, missed half of his soccer games etc. But, of course managed to go to all the soccer games and practices for his step grandson.

  8. Told Ben (age 2) “don’t worry, you’re going to come and live with me when wife #3 and I get married.”

  9. Told Ben (age 7) You’d better start getting along with Fiance #4’s daughter, she’s going to be your step sister (not).

Suppose I should be grateful that he does pay child support ($50 per week), and eventually pays his half of medical bills, and does make some effort to see him (when it doesnt’ conflict with his other interests) and, for the record, while I may vent and spew venom in places like this, I am very careful with my son to always maintain a “your dad loves you” stance. It is important to me that he have as good of a relationship with him as possible. He also, to give him absolutely all the credit he deserves, has been sober for 20+ years.

no offense taken C3 at least for me. I did not know about fiance #2, child #2 when we married. I knew about wife #1 and child #1, but the ‘rational’ was “he was only 17 when she got pregnant, they married, he joined the air force, brought them along, they were isolated there in whatever Dakota the Air Force base is, they started having problems, he developed a drinking problem, shit happens”.
Never saw him with kids. Did have some reason to think he was a self centered twit, but, by that time I was married, stubbornly didn’t want to admit I’d made a mistake. Then got pregnant (he treated me well while I was pregnant, was a real jerk to me otherwise) So, I’d hoped, given his change of behavior during the pregnancy that being a dad would be a positive change.

Of course, taking our son out on a ‘date’ with him while we were still married kinda dispelled that delusion. :rolleyes: These days I see red flags whenever I hear some one defend their SO’s actions starting out like this “well, ya gotta understand, they had a bad childhood, under a lot of stress… blah blah blah”.

I do think this guys’ a world class jerk, tho’.

10

I think we had a smiliar conversation about deadbeat/worthless/absent parents a while ago, and way too many of us joined in, but I guess my excuse is that the sperm donor I married was the typical “charming” guy, who is very flattering and attentive at first, but once things started to get really…what’s the word…serious, grown-up, maybe, he turned abusive. I was smart enough to get out as soon as the first punch was thrown. From what wring said in her post just above, I would almost say we were married to the same guy (saving the “important” calls, bullshit like that)
I had to take him to court to get child support, he never visited his daughter, typical story (blah, blah, blah).
He eventually gave up his rights (I just know he was thinking "Yea, no more child support!) and my second husband has since adopted my daughter.

11

We all try to put our best face forward in a new relationship… if any of these men ever alluded to the incredible waste of life they ACTUALLY WERE… well, suffice to say, their line would die out!

My oldest’s bio father was alot older than me, and I was really stupid. I mistook the controlling tactics and temper tantrums for ‘real devotion’ instead of red flags for future abuse. I got away when i was still pregnant, and my son has never met him. ( I consider this one my bad judgement)

Enter youngest’s donor. My first son was one, we were really happy at first, but when I got pregnant with my youngest, he began to pull away. To his credit, he always treated both boys as his own. When it became clear to him that I wouldnt stay his permanent fuck-budy, he split for Alberta. (this one I never saw coming)

It will be one year next week since he has seen or spoken to the boys. Even longer since he has paid any support.

Do I hate him?
Hell yeah! Every time I have to answer the question: Why doesnt my dad visit me?

Do I understand how he could walk away from kids he really seemed to love?

No.

He never gave any indication he was capable of this. For the first year, he saw them every weekend, Then for the second year, every 3 or 4 months. Then not at all.

Maybe he just forgot about them. Maybe he isnt capable of love and commitment… I dunno.

The breakup of two people who were passionatly in love can make people do ugly things to punish each other. Maybe my ex cant bear the pain of seeing me without him (sure, yeah… right) who knows.

On the bright side, my SO says that should we get married, he will adopt them. :slight_smile:

12

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by wring *
.

  1. One of my personal favorites is this message on the answering machine “Ben, I’m calling to tell you I’ve got really great news- I’ve joined ‘Promise Keepers’ a group for men, about being good fathers and husbands. It’s really important. Oh, and by the way, I can’t see you this weekend 'cause I made a committment to a friend of mine to take him hunting”.

/QUOTE]

No offense, but that is the funniest thing I’ve heard since my ex BF asked me what city did I thought the movie Philadelphia took place in.

Yes, you read correctly. How could I make up anything that stupid. He was completely serious, and I the dumbass, still DIDN’T break up with him.

13

Shit, what a bunch of total assholes you all are dealing with! I feel for you guys.

I, too, had a MIA father…still don’t talk to him. Unfortunately I married a guy just like him (take THAT to Freud!) got out of that really quickly with no children, thank goodness!

:eek: And I thought my ex was stupid for insisting that Georgia wasn’t on the Atlantic Ocean.

14

[!

I’ve GOT TO START PREVIEWING!

what city did I THINK the movie Philadelphia took place in.

by the way, he thought it was from the song. Oy!

15

My parents divorced when I was 8. My father sexually abused me, and he’s an alcoholic/drug abuser. I think he molested my nephew as well, and a couple years later my niece told my ex-sister-in-law “Grand-dad touched me”. Needless to say, I don’t see my father any more. Did my mom know that my dad was such a piece of scum? Well, she got married to him because in the 60s, if you got pregnant by your boyfriend, you married him. Supposedly his sister told my mother she was glad he was getting married because he was getting “too wild” and his family was worried that the police might pick him up soon. I guess it was the theory that “the love of a good woman will straighten him out”. I take comfort in the fact that I am breaking the cycle of abuse- I married a man who is kind, intelligent, generous, and above all is not abusive in any way- nor does he take drugs. I know he will be a good father.

16

I am with a piece of shit dad right now, I started this because I have had it with his stupid… oh, I’m so fucking mad that as I write this I got so many words that I can’t decide on which one to call him. Anyway, I fucking hate him and wish he would just leave forever. He just yelled at me like 7 or more I don’t know fucking times from downstairs telling me to finish the soda I left in the kitchen that I didn’t want. I told him during his stupid broken record screamings that I don’t want it, then after he fucking finished. I told him I just wanted a small drink from it and that it won’t fit me cause I’m full. ( I just needed to get some gas out, you know when you have gases that won’t come out, you take a soda and fuckin piece of shit didn’t work, right now, I still have the gases not wanting to come out. You can bet I wanted to cuss his dumbass out so bad, been wanting to for years and it’s still in my system to do that and go totally like a beast that tears people up on him. He’s not gonna apologize. He’s a shit for brains, I fucking wanna die. Everybody tells me to keep taking it, I want out and I want out now. It just won’t happen. There is no genie that will grant you the wish of getting you to a new house away from this fucked piece of shit dad. No nothing. This typing is not the way I want to vent this, I want to go crazy and have nothing bad happen to me if I do but since reality is it will if I do, I just can’t do it. It’s too much, he never changed since he fucking married my mom and to this day and God never changed him for me. Where is God? Why is it so hard for Him to help me like all the people that are few and have been helped by God? Why does it have to be few? I am tired of everything that is negative. I’m not the only one that is living what I’m living. I predict someone will help me. Although I don’t know what the chance is.

17

So this is about… soda?

Please tell he beats you, or watches you taking a shower, or steals from your college fund.

18

Riiiight. Because when you don’t want to finish a soda, you don’t dump it down the sink and wash the glass or throw out the can. You’re supposed to just leave it… that’s how we grownups roll.

19

So, are you wring’s son, daniel?

20

9.5 year old thread. Wow. New post, but what an old thread. Who finds this stuff?