Wait, wut?
Doesn’t everyone? 
ETA: Oh, "shift. Nevermind.
That’s like the long-running jokes about the Prius; ignore them and do what makes sense.
Wait.
I’m female and I drive an F-250 diesel 4x4, extended cab, longbed, and manual shift.
I thought I was heterosexual, but… ???
Drive a hatchback if you like, but don’t break it-- then it’ll be a Brokeback! 
:smack:
I’m laughing at you openly. But not because you’re considering a hatchback or blowing guys in public restroom stalls.
So hatchbacks are wussy?!? I have a feeling a lot of WRC drivers are going to be quite surprised, as will Ken Block. If a 500 hp AWD hatchback is girly, pass me the skirt…
I drive a Subaru wagon so my manliness may be suspect…
You don’t by chance drink Diet Coke do you?
Let’s not jump to any conclusions here-it’s not like he has a previous history of intolerance.
Sounds more like a Zima man.
Hatchbacks are pretty popular in Denmark. What if people see you driving it and think you’re Danish!?
OP, really? I’ve never heard anything remotely associated with this in my life. After a moving (as in moving from one apartment to another, not emotionally moving:)) experience 25 years ago I made a decision that any car that I ever bought again would be a hatchback, minivan, or wagon. My girlfriend at the time had a sedan and a buddy of mine had a Honda Civic, which was smaller than the sedan but could carry significantly more stuff.
And besides, who on earth would actually care?
It doesn’t qualify as “mid-size,” but the Mazda 2 is quite nice. The Ford Focuses (which my wife has) are pretty nice, too, and I find myself using my wife’s when I need to haul stuff, as it has a lot more room than my Mazda 3 for getting things home from the Home Depot or Ikea.
I haven’t noticed a dearth of hatchbacks, myself. Looking out my window, I see seven cars. Four of them (one of them my wife’s Focus) are hatchbacks or possibly crossovers (I don’t know exactly where the line is; I’d call them hatchbacks myself, but marketers may call it a crossover; one is a Dodge Caliber R4, which is classified as a hatchback, another appears to be a Hyundai Tucson, which I guess is a crossover, but looks like a hatchback to me, there’s an Elantra, also a hatchback, and our Focus), two have the regular trunks, and one is a van.
I get what you’re asking, but no, a hatchback in and of itself is not gay. As long as it isn’t hot pink or something. It’s certainly no chick magnet, but it isn’t particularly ‘unmanly’, just utilitarian.
Especially Miatas (or a gen 1 Rabbit Convertible). If loving cars that handle great and don’t weigh much makes you gay, then “hellllo sailor!”
WooHoo! Wait until the wife finds out that she’s secretly a lesbian by virtue of having sex with me for 21 years. She’ll be mightily confused. Even moreso when she finds out I’m gay for wanting a Miata and owning a Mini, or that my penis is tiny because I’ve owned more than one large truck. (So, the guy who drives a Nash Metropolitan, his is like a baby’s arm holding an apple, right?:D)
I don’t want to say that you’re a bad person or anything, but I don’t understand the PT Cruiser. If you’re 90 years old and want to pretend that you’re driving the world’s smallest woody wagon, or bought it during the cash-for-clunkers bonanza, or went totally insane bordering on a death wish and bought the GT model; I think I can get close enough to understanding that I won’t stare at it in the parking lot. But other than those cases, why a PT Cruiser? You don’t necessarily owe it to a stranger on the internet to justify your automotive purchases, but I am asking in hope of understanding. If you’re just the type of person who buys “car”, and they’re largely interchangeable, how’d the PT win on that day?
All that said, when I haven’t had a pickup at my disposal, a hatchback is a must. It doesn’t make you gay, but you can cram a lot in the back end, if you know what I mean (and I think you do, bass amps are hard to fit in a coupe).
But, at the end of the day, this is about the OP’s question. If you’re worried that you might be gay, try holding hands with someone of the same sex for an hour or so. If you like it a whole lot, you might want to try something a little more intimate and see where it goes. If it feels strange in a way that isn’t appealing, then you know it probably isn’t worth pursuing further. Either way, you’ll know enough about that question as far as how it relates to what car you drive, which was exactly as much as before the experiment.
If you’re worried you might like driving a hatchback, I think it’s a less simple question. Test driving a car involves a lot less commitment than holding hands, but you also don’t know a car as well as a person you’d ask to hold hands with. Drive a Mazda 2, a Mazda 3, a Mini Cooper S, an Audi A4, a Volkswagen GTI and Golf R, an Impreza, the Hyundai Veloster, and certainly a BMW 135i. If you like how they drive and can afford it, buy it. If not, buy something else. If anyone comments on your sexuality because of your car choice, just see it as an easy way to locate grade A morons.
I have never heard of it either. I drive a hatchback and have an unblemished record of heterosexuality.
I wonder if the OP (assuming he’s being sincere, which I doubt) would be happier driving a pickup truck.
I have to say, I love the Miatas, or cough the Mazda MX-5 (much manlier sounding, right?) I’ve never quite understood why they were considered the quintessence of “chick cars.” If the OP is really that concerned about what is “manly,” perhaps he should read this bit of tripe on what are “chick cars.” I’m actually surprised the Beetle is #3. I’m used to hearing Miata, VW Beetle, and VW Cabriolet as being exemplars of unmanliness. (The Honda Accord made the list? What?) I don’t see a particular bias there against hatchbacks.
But, apparently, not the Honda Ridgeline, lest your Y chromosome be questioned.
Hehehe, who cares, Miata is a sexy name. If they called it the Turbo Asswipe, I’d still want one. 
And really, if you get a body cavity buddy because of your choice in vehicles; it’s going to be either for the wrong reasons, or for the right reasons that you never suspected. I had a couple of, umm, lady friends who were interested in me because my cars were fast and bordering on death traps. Those relationships were always a bit weird, and often bordered on death traps themselves. The lady who became my wife was attracted to me because the car was ancient, and I could solve its problems and keep it running*. She understood that when I was into something, I was devoted to it, and decided that was what she wanted.
Our cars, like our statements, say things about us. It is often not what we intend.
*Umm, partly. I have other nice qualities besides owning a car.
Does the hatchback look like this:
Then the answer would be yes. (hint - there is a bus in the background. You could call yours, Priscilla.)
On a more serious note, if you really don’t like the look of hatchbacks, don’t buy one. It’s your money.