Would knowledge that a person was once very fat be a relationship red light for you?

I’ve been looking at some of the fat issues and weight loss threads lately, and wondered if the knowledge that someone of normal weight was once obese, would make you potentially steer clear of having a serious emotional relationship with them, even they are currently slender, because of the extremely high risk of relapse for dieters and people that have (non-surgically) lost large amounts of weight.

Because obese people don’t deserve to be loved. They are clearly emotionally unstable freaks who should be shunned–or pre-emptively shunned, as the case may be.


OMG, you might be dating a fatty one day! Run!

No. Why on earth would it be?

Or since once fat people cannot run you could just stroll, if you wish. Crazy guy.

Yes, the chances they will regain the weight plus more is probable. I would have taken offense to this when I was young because it would have been a cosmetic issue then; and maybe an apersion on the emotional health of fat people. However, in my opinion a lot of fat people are very angry, insecure people; but in this day and age with obesity such a problem, it obviously is related to other factors as well. But, now that I’m older I would say avoid a potentially very fat person because of the almost inevitable health problems: difficulty in childbirth, joints, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and the inability to live a full, active life. You could end up being her nurse. Younger people will disagree because they haven’t confronted this yet. Sad, but true.

No, if anything the fact that they had the resolve and determination to lose all that weight would probably impress me.

Since my asking the question is apparently making some people somewhat put out, as if I am stigmatizing the once fat with the stain of Sara Lee on the assumption that they will be obese again at some point, let me be clear that I am asking this from the position for the potentially judged in this context, and not the judge.

In my experience, most people are very impressed, since they can’t even manage to lose 5 or 10 pounds. They just don’t think it through as much as your hypothesizing.

No, I would not steer (haha, steer as in cow, sorry, tastelsess , and believe me I am nowhere near small) of a relationship with a previously obese person. To me the inside really doen mean more than the outside of a person.

Yes, I would be afraid to enter into the relationship for two reasons. First, if she used to be obese and lost like 100 or more pounds, I would be afraid of what she would now look like naked.
I would imagine that there would be some serious stretch marks and more.
and Second, yes, I would be afraid that she would regain the weight and more. I do have a great respect for the people that are able to lose that much weight, but I am just being honest about the fact that obesity is just not appealing to me. I woman that is a little chubby is just fine, I like a woman with curves, but an obese woman is just not attractive to me at all.
As for myself, I do make an effort to maintain a healthy weight, and I have done so all my life.
Yes, I know I am being shallow, but the OP does ask for ones opinion, and this is mine.

For me, I probably would have to monitor the situation. Did they “just” lose all the weight? Has it been off for ten years?

Did they just lose the weight and now, they’re in a relationship (me) have I noticed some eating traits that might send up red flags that would put the chub back into chubby a couple of years from now?

Or, have they lost the weight for ten years now and their livestyle is such that it won’t seem to lend itself to weight gain, ie, scheduled marathon runs, a consisting shopping and eating plan, excitement over buying nice, fashionable clothes. That sort of thing.

Don’t feel guilty, you like what you like. No one should tell you otherwise.

Yes, I would be a little wary of it, depending on how they lost the weight and what I thought was the likelihood of them regaining it. I am not attracted to large men, whether it be fat or muscle. I am very tiny myself (and also work very hard to stay small, but I’m also short) and men that are signifigantly larger than I am physically intimidate me. So I don’t sound quite so shallow, I have dated two or three what I’d call “larger” guys – one lifts weights, the other two or so were just fluffy – and though they were great guys, physically I lost interest in them very quickly because I just didn’t enjoy being close to them that much. But I did give them a chance. I have a hard time forcing myself to be attrated to someone that could crush me if they laid on top of me, or could pick me up and throw me across the room. I’ve been friends with plenty, but it never gets any farther than that.

So yes, I would be wary of someone that would potentially be obese again, primarily for the reason that I’d hate to get deeply involved with someone only to one day cease to be physically attracted to them, and create a lot of frustration and heartbreak. It’s the same reason I avoid dating religious people – I might get along with them initially, but there’s always a real threat of a potential disaster down the line. Too much threat for me to put my feelings on the line.

I’m OK with love handles or a little bit of pudge, but I’m barely 100 lbs and when men start nearing twice my bodyweight, that’s when I just get really uncomfortable and physical affection starts to get really awkward.

If I thought there was long-term potential, the health issues would be a concern as well.

I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. My father berated me for it daily and caused most of my eating problems. Whenever I got down to a healthy weight he would dub me ‘anorexic’ and force me to eat as much as he did until I was fat again. Then he would tell me I was a ‘buffalo butt’ and that no man would ever want me.

I also have some medical problems that don’t help as anyone who has been on prednisone can attest to the havoc that crap wreaks on one’s body.

Thankfully I found a mate who accepted me for who I was and that acceptance gave me the courage to clean up my act. The kids we’ve made together have also helped cement my resolve to keep healthy so I can see my grandkids one day. (Oh and fat isn’t the only way stretch marks are made… estrogen causes them so many girls get them with puberty and that’s why child bearing results in them too!)

I couldn’t hold it against someone that they struggled with food in the past. You’d also want to eliminate anyone who struggled with depression as that can recur too. Are you going to make a potential mate pass a physical and genetic testing? Life’s a crap shoot. My very thin and seemingly healthy FIL just got diagnosed with early onset alzheimer’s this past year(age 54.) My Nana shattered her ankle and went from svelte to obese since she couldn’t walk. Some people get cancer in their 20’s and 30’s. A bus could hit me tomorrow. If you find someone who fits with you then go for it and stop looking at yesterday!

Maybe the fat people you know are aware of your shitty attitude toward fat people and are unpleasant in your presence because of that, rather than because of their weight.

To answer the OP, no, it would not be a concern to me that someone used to be fat.

Got to applaud Tanookie - life is too short for worrying about such things… if you find someone you love with all your heart and soul, you accept everything about them. When you don’t, maybe you should ask yourself why.

Having been very overweight, then thin, now chubby but slimming, I have been everywhere re weight - its not easy and takes a lot of determination and resolve to lose it. My BF loves me no matter what - he loves ALL of me, not just some bits and pieces that he’s chosen are ok and some that aren’t.

Once you find that perfect person for you, then you don’t worry about such things… you think “hell life is so f*cking wonderful, I can’t believe I’m so happy with this person - isn’t it great”… and ya know, life is bloody great :smiley:

I have the utmost respect for those that have the diligence, drive, and self-control to lose weight (even through surgical means), but honestly, I could never enter into a relationship with someone who is, or was, overweight. It would just be in the back of my mind that at any time, they could regain weight. I realize it’s shallow, but I just am repulsed by any kind of fat, and could never date someone that’s even slightly chubby. I would, and have, dumped girlfriends for gaining 5 or 10 pounds. And I would expect the same in return from someone if I gained weight.

I suppose I might have some potential concerns if I found out that someone had just lost a large amount of weight. If they lost the weight in an unhealthy way such as through crash dieting, amphetamines, or an eating disorder I’d be very wary as these are not signs of a stable person. I’d also be a little hesitant to date a yo-yo dieter (many of them spend way too much time obsessing over their weight to focus on a relationship) or someone who was having a hard time adjusting to their new size. I’ve known of some people who lost a lot of weight, started getting more attention from others, and didn’t handle it very well at first.

If the weight loss was healthy and not terribly recent then I can’t imagine having any problem at all. If anything, I’d feel a bit of extra respect for someone who managed to accomplish something that must have been difficult for them.

I am amazed that this would make any difference to anyone, it sure wouldn’t to me. I guess I wouldn’t really care what he looke like now either, so long as he was a nice fellow.

I have been thin most of my life, although I turned into a bit of a slug when I went to university (I didn’t stop weight lifting, but I did stop jogging) and I drank a lot. So I gained weight. I’m pretty much back to what I was before university now. I think the idea that someone would care what I looked like for 10 months 3 years ago is pretty silly.

Dude. 5 pounds? Seriously? I am a pretty thin girl and even I can gain 4 pounds when I am bloated right before my period. I can’t imagine even noticing if someone gained 5 pounds unless they only weighed 90lbs to begin with.

Current and past weight isn’t really an issue with me. Health and attitude towards food is. I am pretty active and never dated anyone who couldn’t be as active as I am.