All this hoopla about Clinton and Condit lying about their affairs has made me wonder how many other men would lie about having an affair if their wife or SO didn’t know about it.
I think that Clinton and Condit did just what almost every other male would do in the same situation. Lie to cover his own butt. So that’s the big deal?
I think most men would lie about it… even tho as a woman, I don’t want to believe my man would do that. (I’ll let you off the hook Reeder) 
No comment…
No way would I ever admit to it. Not that I would ever have an affair, of course, but if I did, you’d never hear about it from me. If caught, my response would be simple: deny, deny, deny. No matter how many times she says she doesn’t care if you had an affair, she just wants to know the truth, she’s lying, and so should you. Deny.
Depends. If it was a lying-to-random-people kind of lie (say, to the press, in Condit’s case), sure. If I was suddenly a murder suspect, no, I’d probably tell the truth. Not because I’m a good person, but because I think the policy would take a good long look at me when they found I had lied. The sooner you tell the truth, the more credibility you get to keep, and you can save that credibility up for a big lie later on.
So, basically, I’d only lie if there’s a reasonable chance I’d get away with it. If I were in Clinton or Condit’s position, I’d have told the truth.
bashere, when Condit lied, he didn’t know that he may have been a suspect, and because he was caught in the lie, it made him look guilty of more than lying. But what if the only reason he lied about it was to protect his wife’s feelings, or to protect Chandra’s reputation? If it were known that she had an affair with him, any job she got in the state might have been looked at as a give-away because she had been with him. As with a lot of people in a position of power, denial of a relationship may be the best way to protect them from people who don’t know the facts and make wild speculations based on even a partial fact.
Yes, I know Clinton lied to the grand jury…if you lie about the relationship to your wife and the press to protect your wife (or even your own butt) don’t you think if you suddenly spilled it all for the Grand Jury that you’d be in a heap-o-stuff from the Mrs? He probably thought he could get away with maintaining that lie… possibly with some bad legal advice from an advisor. Same with Condit… the best way for him to have handled it was to ask the police for confidentiality - and that isn’t even a guarantee that it would have been confidential.
I think that in both cases, that issue was making poor choices. There was enough other stuff in Clinton’s case to have made it without bringing in his affair.
DebiJ, we’re in complete agreement with Condit, at least. I said:
I don’t blame him at all for lying when he was first approached by the press. I would have don’t the same thing. Lying to the police, though, is a bad idea - if they are going to find out the truth sooner or later, and if the thing you are lying about isn’t a crime. As soon as she turned up missing, I’d have had my attorney talking to the cops, and would not rule out telling the truth as one of the possible options.
Clinton’s case is a lot more complicated, and whether I would have lied would depend a lot on legal council at the time. I would have 'fessed up to the wife though, for fear that she’d hear it for the first time when I was on the witness stand. As a bonus, she’d have killed me, then I wouldn’t have to go through the whole ordeal
Sublight:
I am entirely with you on this one.
She doesn’t want to know.
And for the idiots that need to confess 5 years after it’s over because they feel guilty, do her a favor and shut up.
I witnessed a guy I know deny that his wife saw him with his exgirlfriend in his car. He did it so well, he eventually convinced her she hadn’t seen a thing. It was amazing.
Had an affair, admitted it, took the consequences.
We’ve plowed this ground before in other threads, but I’ll repeat my point of view: By having an affair and not telling you’re denying your SO the right to decide for themselves whether they want to continue to have anything to do with you.
I’ve heard before that if you have an affair and you tell your SO, you are only confessing in order to hurt your SO. I don’t know if I agree. Any thoughts?
My soon to be ex husband had an affair (actually, he’s still carrying on with her, but I digress). The affair is not the reason our marriage is ending, however. In the midst of our problems, I asked him if he was having an affair. Of course he denied it, and then asked me if I was boinking anyone on the side. What a ruse confronted him A month or so later I found out abut his affair, and what did he say when I confrotned him? “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you.” My response “DON’T PATRONIZE ME, YOU MOPE!” (Yes, I shouted it at him). I believe men don’t tell because they don’t want to suffer the consequences. And that they think “it will hurt her if I tell her, so because I am noble and good, I won’t tell.” (WTF?) I also believe that if you tell your SO you had an affair, it’s because the confession feels good.
Realize that my beliefs are drawn from my recent experiences, and they may not hold true for everyone.
Before I married my wife, she caught me in bed with another woman, and I STILL contend to this day that I didn’t do anything. And she “believes” me 'cos she wants to, or doesn’t want to admit that she married such a shit anyway.
I think this is different than what Sophie meant, though. I’ve heard the same thing- confessing only hurts your SO and is done to make you not have as much guilt about hiding it. This advice doesn’t mean you lie if asked point blank, like your ex did, but instead not to be the first person to bring it up. I don’t know if I agree or not.
I’ve never had an affair, but if I did have one, I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER admit to it.
If I cheated on my wife, I would not tell her, and my motivation for lying would truly be to keep from hurting her, not to avoid consequences. She’s already told me that if I cheated on her she would not leave me, and I believe her. I could deal with her bringing up my past indiscretions repeatedly, and if she cheated on me in retaliation it would probably assuage my guilt - but I know it would hurt her a lot, partially because she has been cheated on in the past more than once. I can handle hurting myself, I couldn’t handle hurting her. Of course, this means I would not normally cheat on her, but if for some reason I did (and the only way I could see myself being able to do that would be if I was seriously impaired at the time and was actively seduced) I would protect her from the truth.
If I found out my husband had an affair, I’d kick him out and get a divorce in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t give a shit about any explanation from him. And I won’t buy that argument about “oh, it’s a sign that something is wrong in your marriage, and you need counseling” Yeah…it’s a sign that my husband is a major asshole and i need to get rid of the lying, cheating piece o’ shit.
Lorie
“…I’d protect her from the truth.”
I can’t believe someone actually wrote that.
You aren’t protecting her from the truth - you’re protecting your ass. It should be up to her to decide (based on a truthful and honest evaluation of all the facts in the relationship)if she wants to have anything to do with you or would rather, as SuperLorie said, “get rid of the lying, cheating piece o’shit.”
Die, you cowardly sons of bitches.
You have the balls to get your dick wet outside the family poon? Well, have the balls to take responsibility for it. Would you lie to your wife about her mother dying, to save her the pain? NO? How can you use that excuse to cover your ass, then?
Yes, people screw up. People have to live with it afterwards. If she finds out from the woman you cheated on, her friend, her friend’s friend’s friend, she’s going to think quite a bit less of you than if you told her, no matter how hurt she would have been.
Pussies.
Well, not to sound like Bill Clinton, but it depends on the definition of sex in this context.
Have I ever had sex outside of the relationship I was in at the time?
No.
Have I had oral sex from someone outside of the relationship I was in at the time?
Yes.
Did I own up to it?
Yes.
I saw a program on TLC once concerning infidelity. I am not entirely certain, but I believe it was Dr. Joyce Brothers who said this.
If you have had an affair, and your spouse has no knowledge of it, and is unlikely to gain any knowledge of it, and if you have come to your senses and realized that it was wrong and you are NOT going to do it again, then you have to decide what would be gained and lost by hurting your spouse and telling them. If it is to assauge your own guilt, which often it is, then don’t do it. If it is to hurt your spouse, which often it is, don’t do it. Only tell them if it is necessary in order to repair the marital relationship in some way.
Makes sense to me.
We don’t judge in IMHO, people-we respond to polls.