First off, I blame the media. Turn on TV and look at the beautiful people, and what do you notice about them? They all have two eyes. So two eyes becomes the standard of beauy that everyone is supposed to live up to.
People with three eyes are shown only as villians, freaks or the butt of jokes. Maybe that’s why, in this politically correct age, three-eyed people are the one group you can still make fun of. I can’t understand why people think they have a right to come up to me and joke about it. Like the guy at the party last weekend, takes one look at me and says “Ai, ai, ai.” Hah hah. Clever. That’s the first time I’ve heard that one – this week. Or “Hey, Triclops.” Or “giving me the eye?” Or “don’t forget to dot all the eyes.” If I hear that one more time, I’m going to cross their T – with a tire iron. (Does anyone have any good comebacks for these?)
Another annoying thing is when they sincerely ask, “Who was that guy on that one ‘Twilight Zone’ episode with three eyes?” Like everyone with three eyes is supposed to know everyone else.
What hurts is that some people just assume I have three eyes because I wanted to. Like it’s something I just woke up and decided to do. Listen, it’s not my choice, believe me. I have to go through a lifetime of never getting to take advantage of the specials at Pearl Vision. They don’t make glasses that fit me, not nice ones anyway. And I have to spend 50% more on Murine. That hurts most of all.
Listen, people, I’m just like you. When I laugh, my third eye laughs. When I’m sad, it cries tears just like your – only down my nose and off the tip like a drop of snot, but anyway. Please, people, can’t we just get along?
I think you underestimate the fantastic fame and general positive influence of Blinky, the three-eyed fish from the Simpsons. Guess your problems are in the eye of the beheld, eh?
