Well in case I get married over the next few years I was wondering what I should say about my father as he left home when I was 10 and I’m 36 now and he had an affair and is now married to his mistress effectively. I can’t say thank you for being there because he wasn’t. Anyone been in a similar situation? Also if divorced parents at wedding if it was really awkward in fact?
My parents were divorced (or at least permanently separated, not sure they ever actually divorced) and at my wedding, and it was fine. It’s really going to depend on how they get along in public, which is of course true to some extant of any pair of people at your wedding.
As to what to say about your father - why say anything? No one extolled either set of parents at my wedding, and I don’t remember hearing speeches about parents at anyone else’s wedding either.
This.
I have never heard parents come up (verbally)- other than if one of them is hosting the reception and gives a welcome or a speech. A wedding is about the new couple.
In every situation, speak fairly of everyone, for there may be truths unknown to you.
To echo what others have said: it’s not traditional, nor expected, for the groom (nor the bride) to make any sort of speech at a wedding or reception (and it’d likely be more appropriate at the reception, regardless). In the U.S., at least, it’s often traditional for the best man to make a toast at the reception, which might be a short speech.
If the groom wants to say something about his parents at the reception, there’s probably nothing stopping him, but there’s also no expectation that he would. If you do have grievances about your father, my strong advice would be to keep the focus on your wedding day on the positive, and not use the event and the gathering to air your grievances.
As far as divorced parents at a wedding being awkward – yes, it can be, if the parents don’t get along. My wife’s parents divorced when she was a kid, but by the time of our wedding, they were both remarried, and fairly cordial to each other. But, if the divorced parents hate each other, or can’t be trusted to not make a scene or feel slighted in any way (particuarly, it seems to me from experience, if it’s the parents of the bride), yes, it can make things quite uncomfortable.
I got married at the Ethical Culture Society, and the leader got information from us to give our backgrounds during the ceremony. I mentioned how my mother got me started on Jules Verne, very important in my life. So that’s a mention of a parent, though it was mostly about me. I’ve not heard parents mentioned at other weddings I’ve been to.
Your father doesn’t even have to be invited. If he is, he doesn’t have to be toasted, just treated with respect.
A year ago I attended my son’s wedding in Florida. His mother attended as well. For me, it was an introduction to social distancing. It was a beach wedding, so I was able to stay far away from the woman.
I’m with Folacin. Why say anything at all?
OTOH, my mother was always reminding me to be gracious and take the high road. What does it cost someone to say something kind, even if it’s just “Thank you for attending”…
My own philosophy is not to let someone live in your head rent-free.
A wedding is not the time to settle old scores. Invite them, then the decision to come or not it theirs. Then the choice to talk to them or not is yours. I don’t really think that the wedding day is the time to say anything about either parent, it is the day for the bride and groom.