Would this annoy you?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Several years ago I met a man online and we went from email, to IM, to talking and texting. He lives about halfway across the US from me so it was just for fun. We’d talk a bit about anything and everything, flirt and tease a little but nothing serious. He once asked me if it would bother me to know that he was talking with other women, and honestly I didn’t even understand the question because why would it bother me? He said he had been talking to a woman even further away and she got mad when she found out he was ‘cheating on her’ by talking to other women, so he had to let her go.

So you can see, I had no illusions that he and I were in any kind of relationship, I assumed he was talking to other women, seeing women in his area, and getting laid on a regular basis.

Most days he would send me some little cutesy gif, the occasional I love you, thank you for being my friend, and of course on holidays I would get the appropriate message. I always responded with something appropriate and a how are you. Especially after his son died unexpectedly, I really was concerned with how he was doing. After a while though I noticed that he stopped responding to my responses. At first I figured he was just busy, or whatever. Then I was thinking why are you sending me this stuff if you can’t even take the time to say hey, how are you?

Then one day I got some message and I thanked him, only to receive a bunch of text messages from numbers I didn’t recognize wanting to know who I am and why I am texting them. I wondered who they were and what they were talking about.

Then I found out. My new phone shows all the numbers in a group text and the default is ‘reply all’. I guess that explains why he never responded to my replies, because he was sending his messages to me and about a dozen other numbers. I guess he didn’t have time to respond to all of us. Several of the numbers were his same area code, so I just apologized and said I had the wrong number. I didn’t know if any of those numbers were an SO and I didn’t want to cause him any problems. This went on for several more months, I never told him I could see all the numbers and I just stopped responding period.
Until one day I just got a bug up my butt about it and sent him a very ‘affectionate’ response in which I called him by name. When I got a dozen replies demanding to know who I was and how I knew ‘him’, I just told them in my sweetest text that they would have to ask him.

I don’t know why it annoyed me, or if it even should have, but it did.
His relationships with the other women aren’t my business nor my concern, but I think it’s tacky, and rude.

Would it annoy you?

2

Yep, that would bother me a lot. Definitely rude. It’s not the fact that he is in contact with other people. What he is doing is rude and lazy. He wants to have friends without making any effort. This is kind of one of my pet peeves, though, so of course I would object. I have no patience with people who try to take these shortcuts. At least maybe your text alerted other women to his stunt.

3

Funny pictures and holiday wishes are the text version of spam email, they are usually mass sent. If he was sending actual messages that pretend to be a conversation to several people at once then yes that would rude, what he is doing is the equivalent of finding a funny picture and putting it on facebook so everyone can see it.

4

There’s probably a word for that kind of guy, and I’ve run into a few. It’s kinda creepy. Affection-'ho, maybe? They just want attention. The moment you actually ask for any kind of return on it, beyond online/texting, they get all dramatic about it.

I would assume from what you’ve written that you’re not talking to a ‘real person’. just their online personna, and wouldn’t worry about any of it or take any of it the least bit seriously.

5

[quote=“Taomist, post:4, topic:628319”]

There’s probably a word for that kind of guy, and I’ve run into a few. It’s kinda creepy. Affection-'ho, maybe? They just want attention. The moment you actually ask for any kind of return on it, beyond online/texting, they get all dramatic about it.

I would assume from what you’ve written that you’re not talking to a ‘real person’. just their online personna, and wouldn’t worry about any of it or take any of it the least bit seriously.
[/QUOTE/]

Well actually a bit more than an online persona since we had been talking on the phone as well, and I had known him for a while.

6

I can go with that as far as the gifs go, but the actually appreciation of friendship or the I luv yous, that bothered me.

7

Yeah, what he did was really tacky.

8

My problem would be the fact that he’s openly sharing my personal contact info without my permission with people I’ve never met or heard of. Admittedly this friendship was all but dead already, but I (vociferously) terminated a friendship when an actual, face-to-face friend did this to me. Hell, I’m still appalled that she thought it was all right to give out my personal email, along with several personal details I don’t ever share in public, to a total stranger on the internet that she hadn’t even met. Even worse was she was trying to hook me up with this guy, even though I’d never asked her to do any such thing. Her excuse was “I just didn’t think” (well, no shit, honey) and “he seemed harmless” (excuse me, but you don’t get to make those kinds of decisions for me).

So, the no-effort “friendship” doesn’t really bother me, because what kind of commitment do you really expect from someone you’ve never actually met? But giving out my phone number to 15 people I don’t know? Fuck that, man. The BCC field is not new technology anymore.

9

Wow, multiple automated relationships. Band name!