Ok, this is a hypothetical question based on a situation I faced earlier this evening:
Let’s say you spoke to someone and they specifically said they wanted to talk to you on the phone for a few hours tomorrow evening. You call them tomorrow in the early evening and get a voice mail prompt. You leave a message asking if they still want to talk and you inform them you will call back in 2 hours. As you start to call 2 hours later you notice you have a message responding to your message stating that would be fine and they did, in fact, still want to talk to you. You call them again only to reach them and be told they are on the other line, but will call you back. After an hour wait you call them back and don’t get an answer, you try again, just to make sure they heard the phone ring. No dice. Finally to call and leave a voice message informing them that they were free to call anytime still but make it clear that you are very aware that they must either be asleep or otherwise occupied despite plans to speak. This is all following another discussion the previous night regarding people who make pledges they do not honor, thus leaving individuals sitting around waiting. Would it be unreasonable, at this point, to be pissed off and consider the other person’s word and vested trust forfeit?
Umm…granted I’m not exactly a planner, but why make plans to talk on the phone? And so much seriousness, you have to reserve that stuff for long nights of lounging in front of the TV. Go to the club and dance. All this talk. On a more serious note…you called too many times. Next time call, and if you get voice mail tell her you called, and you just threw the ball in her court. She has to call you, and then there are no more hypotheticals…
As far as trust…it’s a phone call. No cheating, no stealing, not a big deal.
I’m not trying to be harsh by the way…but you asked
Actually, perhaps I should clarify a bit. We made the plan to talk because she needed to study some material for an exam and asked if I would listen to her as she went over the material and quiz her on it. In essense I was trying to do her a favor. And up and including the last time we spoke she told me she really wanted me to help her with that tonight. I sat around waiting for the call because she told me she needed the help. The reason why I brought up the issue of trust and everything was because the night before she ranted and raved for an hour because a friend she was doing a favor for made her wait 4 hours before she could get the info needed to do the favor. She thought it was horrible that she was forced to wait by the person she was going to help and she pulled the exact same thing on me.
As for the club thing, not my style, but I get the gist.
I just think that if someone says they are going to do something, they should do it. I don’t care if I’m just making some iced tea. If I tell someone I’ll do it for them, I will. Anyway, I’m just curious to know if you all think I’m crazy. Perhaps I was raised to be a fool. I think my word is worth something and I expect the same of others. The least she could have done would have been to call and say something came up since she had to have known I was waiting. Eh, anyway. it was just M & P S I felt IMS. Nothing more.
I don’t know, until I know what the full story was (including who was on the other line, and if it was an emergency, requiring her to go out) I wouldn’t like to call this one.
And anyhow, not calling you back when they said they would, would be a trivial reason for no longer trusting someone.
If she’s stressing about exams, she may not be fully compos mentis, so to speak, and maybe a little slack should be cut.
Ask for an apology, and accept graciously, it pays to be the bigger person.
you called, you had to leave a message, fine. You’ve done your part.
I’m fairly picky when it comes to phone calls. I generally dont like to be on the phone, even recreationally. If I say that I’ll call someone on a specific day or at a specific time, I do it. If I get the machine, then I leave all my info and consider the case closed. It’s THEIR ball. If someone says they’ll call me at a specific time or day, I DO NOT CALL THEM. And I’ll let that go for days. In fact, that’s how I once broke up with an ex-boyfriend who was deciding he wanted to move on. He said to me, “I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll discuss some things.” He didnt call, and that was it. Relationship over. I never ever picked up the phone to dial his number again. Didnt see him nor speak to him for 2 years, either. I agree with Jimmy Quasar: Just do what you say you’re gonna do.
I think you’re being a bit of a drama queen. “Would it be unreasonable, at this point, to be pissed off and consider the other person’s word and vested trust forfeit?” In a word, yes. This is a missed phone call. Granted that you were doing her a favor and granted that there may have been something else you would rather have done that night but still, it’s a phone call. You have no idea at this point if she had some sort of an emergency or what. The proper response IMHO (where this probably belongs) is to be very temporarily mildly annoyed pending a phone call or in-person encounter with her, which should include her apology and perhaps brief explanation of why she didn’t call back. If she engages in a pattern of such conduct, then you may reconsider the whole forfeited trust thing.
And you had to drag up a five month old thread to say that? Please confine your off-topic flirtations to friggin’ e-mail. Or at least don’t go digging up old stuff like this in order to make your amorous desires public.
We don’t really have a rule about bumping up long dead threads, but it’s generally desired that if you do, you’d best have some actual on-topic content to add.
I’m sorry, but I believe my post fairly shortly after that, That’s not soup, that’s potato salad!, was perfectly on-topic. The first post was just an intro to the second one. Forgive me for not putting the two posts together.