Thank you for understanding that part of my post! Why is that “normal teen behavior” to back talk? It’s disrespectful and rude! And if my son did that he most certainly would not go on a trip with a friend!
Depends on the kid and the adults involved in the invite. But probably. Not my fourteen year old son right now because he is being defiant, but my thirteen year old daughter.
I disagree that parents make kids. Teens are often jerks, it’s their nature. They do often shirk chores. I chase mine around constantly for it, and talking to other parents of teens, that is normal. And unless you live in the house, you dont know what the ratio of good behavior to bad is.
How old is your son? If you raise him without ever getting back talk, I congratulate you for having an exceptional child and engaging in exceptional parenting. I’ve never met such a kid (I teach Sunday school and lead girl scouts, so I see a lot of kids).
Never said he would not back talk or not be defiant. I was merely pointing out that he would not go on a trip for doing so.
But that IS perfectly normal teen behavior. If that’s the worst of her behavior, then they’re pretty lucky parents at this time. I work on a child psych unit. This behavior is almost negligible.
You will be waiting a LOOOONG time if you’re waiting for a kid to properly appreciate their parents. At that age they are by nature very self-centered, and likely cannot understand privilege they live in. That doesn’t mean they won’t some day, or that her chore-shirking behavior can’t be rehabbed. But honestly, from the stuff I see, I find it kind of humorous that YOU take such offense with it.
My best friend is an only child, and I am insanely jealous of the attention and help she’s gotten from her parents over the years. But by no means do I assume that mean she’s spoiled or otherwise ungrateful. And, to be fair, they paid for ME to go on a trip to Vegas with the family a few years ago, and I’m in my 30s.
If your only going to let your kid do fun things once he’s reached a state of being perfectly behaved, your kids (and you) aren’t going to have a very good childhood. Obviously you should punish as appropriate, but punishment or not, kids are still going to misbehave. Especially when they’re shudder 13.
If the kid doesn’t do his chores, send him to his room till he will. But getting to go to the Bahama’s is a pretty great opportunity for a 13 year old, and aside from being fun, will probably be good for the kid. It seems silly and counter-productive to lock the kid out of it because they act like a thirteen year-old.
Honestly, in looking around our neighbourhood, it’s normal teen (and tween) behaviour because:
- Talking shit and being snarky makes you look cool to your friends and they talk to EACH OTHER that way.
- It spills over into their interactions with family/adults.
- It’s a hard behaviour to curb for parents and most of them can’t be arsed.
Same goes for kids getting everything they want (since otherwise you have to listen to them whine/cry/pout/rage and then deal with that behaviour, too).
Frankly, I spend 100% of my time at home dealing with the kids. Getting them to do the things they don’t want to, making sure they don’t break any rules and keeping track of them. It is really FUCKING HARD. I don’t let my kids back talk but it means that every time my daughter opens her snarky little mouth I HAVE TO REPRIMAND HER AGAIN. It’s annoying and tiring and makes me want to scream.
I can totally understand why parents let things slip.
The worst part is that if other parents upped their game just a little, it wouldn’t be ‘the norm’ and my job would be easier.
I stand corrected. It is normal teen behavior. But should not be acceptable or rewarded. Yes she won’t appreciate things at that age. But she should at least help put if she is wanting permission to do something from her parents (like taking a trip).
You stated it perfectly:)
Fortunately, as any doctor could explain, this is what they call a “self-limiting disease”. (Usually.)
I really think it’s far too late to ‘unspoil’ the kid. It’s the way she was raised, is being raised, and she is now a spoiled brat, period. My 2cents, of course, but I suspect something drastic and long-term would have to happen to unbend that sapling.
Thanks for the warning. 
I still would not allow my son to go on a trip if he was having the "becoming a teenager Attitude. He needs to be reprimanded for that behavior. Not rewarded.
:p:p:p
But it’s what her parents have taught her. There have been people like that since the world was flat, both parents who don’t understand you start teaching your kids when they’re in diapers and kids who learn exactly what they were taught (in this case, that they’re the navel of the world, the jewel of the East, and the power which makes the Sun rise).
12ish is the age where you start spreading around as much stuff as you can to mark your territory (your niece finally moved to her own room when she wanted a territory of her own): if she’d never picked up after herself, 13 is not when she’s going to start; if she never laid down the table or put it away, the moment when the natural tendency becomes “gulping the food and leaving the table as fast as possible” is not going to be when she eats everything with perfect manners, waits for everybody else to finish while making chitchat and then puts everything away.
As for the original question, yes I’d let her go if I knew the family well.
Unless his room is exactly where he wants to be, as is the case with many teens.
Not all rich kids are spoiled brats, so your niece might learn a thing or two at close quarters with this other family. As long as I’m reasonably sure the child would behave herself in company I’d send her. All part of the learning curve. Plus this is a family that definitely needs to cut the umbilical cord the kid might grow up considerably on this vacation away from her parents.
I know, right?! I beat my kids, personally. Every time they talk back, every time they balk…
I mean, it’s more important that they they learn to obey me than that they have enlightening and fulfilling experiences. I can tell you, there’s never any space between giving ground and being run over.
Not once have I choked down my parental pride and allowed my kid to have an experience she may not have “deserved”. And not once has she come back thoughtful, contrite, and appreciative.
Not once, but many times.
And why is this your business?
I don’t really understand the issue of taking her to the Bahamas.
The big deal for me is that they’d bring her back.
Seriously? Until she was 12? And they think she’s going to be just fine during a week away, without Mommy and Daddy?
The sleeping with her parents thing is a bit weird, but I just re-read the OP and see she’s getting good grades, and is doing well in soccer. Well, then, sorry. Her primary job right now is to get good grades in school. If her parents are fine with her behavior, then what’s it to the rest of us?
Anyway as mentioned, a kid that slept with her parents till she was 12 could probably use the away time.